Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
CALLUM/CASH
Then
Sharp Needles & Swirling Colors
She’s in the drip, the damage, and the false dawn I keep mistaking for home.
“What time is it?” I turn my head and glance at the clock. It reads 3:00 a.m.
The brunette who sort of resembles Livianna and is riding my dick leans over and kisses my chest. “What does it matter? We’re taking care of you, so focus on that.”
“Where are we again?” I force myself deeper inside her right as another woman grabs her face and they start making out.
Bren laughs and drives himself into the girl he’s with. “You drunk asshole. We’re in New York.”
“It’s midnight in Vegas.” I imagine Livianna with someone else and my heart plummets.
I fill the void by continuing to fuck this chick. Bren’s next to me on the king-sized bed that’s in one of the bedrooms of the suite we’re staying in.
He rolls over, taking the woman with him. The action breaks her and the other girl’s lips apart.
He pulls out of her. “Get on your hands and knees. We’ll bring in the Vegas New Year doggie style.”
She does what he says and I stare at her round tits hanging in perfect reach for me to feel.
I take one in my palm. “Put them in my mouth.”
“Sure thing, Cash.” She crawls forward and dangles them in my face.
I suck on one and squeeze the other. Bren must bury himself in her because she starts shifting back and forth in a rhythmic motion.
The woman on top of me gets in sync with the other. It doesn’t matter what they do. This won’t end with me coming. It never does.
I try to focus on the physical feeling, but nothing is right about it. The woman’s pussy isn’t as tight as I want. Their bodies aren’t what I like.
Both women are sexy and any man would think I’m insane for not finding pleasure in the situation, but I just do this to fill the emptiness in my soul. It’s probably why I can’t come.
The problem is I’m numb all over. I’m beginning to believe my dick is broken. No, it’s not my dick. It’s my brain.
Once I found out Livianna had been sleeping with other men, I checked out of my body for fear I was going to murder someone. It was self-preservation at its best.
“Cash.” The girl I’m doing grinds down. “Rub my clit. I’m so close and I just need a little more.”
“Like this?” I press my thumb on her swollen bud.
“Yes! Oh, yes!” She tosses her head back and moans.
That must spur Bren on because the woman he’s with thrusts forward and braces herself. “Deep like that, Guns. Let’s see if we can all come together.”
“Fuck, yeah. That would be hot as hell.” Bren grunts and picks up his pace.
The bed rocks back and forth as they all work to come and I get ready to fake it when they do. I pretend to pant and tighten my muscles when they’re all close.
“Oh, Cash. Yes! I’m coming all over your big, fat cock.” Her walls tighten around me.
I groan and still myself, praying they don’t see through my act. “Fuck, me too.”
“Guns, it’s our turn.” The other girl gasps. “Let me feel your cum shoot into me. Take me to the other side.”
Not ten seconds later, they both release themselves to their orgasms. Remembering what it’s like to enjoy sex, a stab of envy jabs into my stomach.
“Call me Lily, Cash. I’ll come again.” The woman impales herself on my dick harder.
Fire erupts in my soul. “Get the fuck off me.”
I buck her off and into Bren and the other lady.
I grab the bottle of whiskey that’s on the nightstand and storm out of the room. “Who the hell does she think she is?”
“Way to go,” Bren says as I trudge to the other room in the suite. “You can’t say shit like that and expect it to go well. Now you’re stuck with only me.”
I don’t wait to hear her response. I slam my door shut, rip my condom off, and throw it in the trash. No one will ever be my Lily.
What the fuck? Why would anyone say something like that?
I unscrew the lid of the bottle and take a large swig. The burn of it going down makes me wince.
Does Livianna think of me like I think of her?
The memory of what I did tonight ricochets through my mind. I went on live TV and publicly said the album was Dead Lilies without clearing it with the label.
I changed the title of our album without talking to anyone. Meaning I had no right or permission to do so.
Leon’s furious and has already left me five messages stating I’m going to pay for all the changes he has to make out of my cut of the profits. He already owns me, so what’s a little more?
“I’ll never get ahead, so he should take all of it.” I reach for my phone to check if Livianna responded to my message.
Nothing. She never texts back, so I don’t know why I thought she would this time. I tried a different tactic by saying goodbye instead of begging her to give us another chance.
My performance on stage and announcing Dead Lilies was savage, but I wanted her to feel the sting. I frown and roll my eyes at myself.
Why do I hurt her when I’m the reason we aren’t together?
I take out my hostility and frustration over the situation on her. She doesn’t deserve it, but I can’t stand knowing she’s been with other guys.
Every time I think about it, I want to pound my head against a concrete wall until I black out. I can’t bear to envision her with anyone else but me.
A relationship with her could never work with Leon around, but my weak heart takes hold and I text or call on impulse. Kind of like right now.
Me: I’m a shadow of myself. A ghost who wanders aimlessly in the dark of the night, searching for my other half. Won’t you shine your light on me and give me a bright path to follow? The odds are stacked against us, but I would fight for you if you asked me to.
I press send and wait. “Please answer and give me some hope, Lily. I need something to get me through the next year while we tour.”
Still nothing. I drink more and continue to swim in my agony. I send text after text.
Me: No response as always. I think you like watching me wallow in pain, but I’d rather bask in a meadow with you tight and close by my side. There, no one could touch us. Oh, what a dream. I’m sorry I was so mean. It leaves me ashamed.
Me: I know I said I’m moving on but we both know that won’t happen. I miss your smell, your soft skin, your laugh. Fuck, Lily, I miss everything about you. Tell me how to make it up to you. Tell me you still love me like I love you.
Me: Wait for me, vixen. Please wait for me to fix this. Never forget I love you.
After some time passes, I lay my head on my pillow. It’s past midnight where she is and I’m sure she’s found someone to share the night with.
At least it’s not that Casey dude I saw her with. It’s torture to know he works for her. It’s worse to know he’s fallen in love with her. I have solace, though.
She ended it with him as soon as he said the words and now his heart is broken, too. I can’t say I don’t understand how it happened. Once you’re under her spell, it’s impossible to escape her witchy powers.
How do I know all this information about her love life? Leon. Who else?
He has fun digging up information about her and feeding it to me when I least expect it. Like when we’re in the middle of recording and I’m passing him in the hallway.
Maybe he thinks it makes me perform the songs with more emotion. It’s likely that and more.
He enjoys putting me in my place when he can’t have me the way he really wants. With that thought, I roll over and go to sleep.
I stalk into Leon’s office with my defenses up and ready to fight. This is the last time he’ll have his way with me.
I’m twenty-one now and should be able to get out of this hell once and for all. I’ll eliminate him if I have to.
His security guard pushes the door open and waits for me to step in. As soon as I do, he stays on the outside of the room and locks it with a key.
Leon is in my direct line of sight, with his crisp white shirt unbuttoned and black tailored pants hanging low on his hips. His belt is already off and he’s ready to go.
There’s a difference in this particular meeting. He’s not alone. My throat closes and my muscles tighten. I’m not prepared for this.
Three men who seem to be between forty and fifty years old are with him, lined up, shirts untucked, and smiling at me.
Leon lifts a short glass of an amber liquid. “Cash, welcome. I have something special for you tonight.”
“Fuck off.” My heart pounds. “I’m not here to relent.”
He bursts out a sinister laugh and the men follow suit. I’m not backing down even if it means I have to take on all these motherfuckers.
“You’re so cute when you get feisty.” He takes a step toward me. “How many times do we have to have this spat? You know how it ends.”
“I’m not drinking anything today. It will be different.” I square my shoulders.
Leon gives a nod and the wind is knocked out of my lungs as I land face first on the ground. Two huge men have me pinned down.
Leon crouches to my level. “I knew you were planning to be defiant from the last time you were with me. You keep screwing up, stupid boy.”
“I won’t drink shit.” I try to wiggle and escape the men, but they’re stronger than I am.
“That’s the interesting part, Cash. I’ve found a new way to get Floating V into your system.” He raises his ice-cold gaze to someone above me.
Something pinches and stings my butt cheek. “What the fuck?”
“See, Cash.” Leon pats my head. “I can inject it into you now and it will hit you within a short time. That means I don’t have to sit around for twenty minutes, listening to you bitch and complain.”
He stands as the two dudes pick me up by my armpits and place me on my feet. The drugs start to take effect. The material of my boxer briefs rubs against my shaft and I’m hard in seconds.
“Get ready, guys.” Leon lifts his glass to the three men who are starting to undress. “You think he’s a rockstar on stage, wait until you experience him this way. He turns into a Triple Crown stallion. You won’t be able to get enough of him.”
“I fucking hate you.” I curse myself for not loading up on drugs and alcohol.