20. Chapter 15
The Aftermath
Evin
" F uck!" The loud ringing of the third-period bell jolted Evin from her thoughts. The first break had just ended, and she had spent it catching up with her friends in the cafeteria. Her curls bounced with each step, but the ease she had felt earlier was quickly fading.
As always, she had applied mascara to accentuate her long, curled lashes, and a faint blush added a soft glow to her cheeks. Not that it mattered. Not today. She felt exposed. Vulnerable. But she refused to let it show.
Every step through the cafeteria felt like stepping onto a stage, though she kept up her usual unbothered facade. Bas was nowhere to be found, but she had expected that.
Of course he was avoiding her.
And of course he had run the second things got real.
It wasn’t the first time. It wouldn’t be the last.
A part of her wanted to be furious.
Ano ther part—one she hated—almost admired how committed he was to this stupid game.
She was sick of it. Sick of the push and pull, sick of the way he kept retreating only to come back when he felt like it.
And yet, despite all of that, despite knowing exactly how this worked, last night had still gotten to her.
Hannah suddenly grabbed her arm, pulling her along abruptly. "Don’t even think about sitting down. We have literature class now."
Evin let herself be dragged toward the stairs, though her mind was still stuck on Bas. All night, she had gone over the same resolution again and again: she had to stop ignoring him. She had to set her pride aside and talk to him.
Because this game? It was getting old.
What was the point of all this—hurting each other, surrounding themselves with others just to prove a point? It had only made things worse.
Milka had been right. She couldn’t stay stuck in this toxic cycle forever. Maybe , she thought, Bas just needs a little push.
Then, a deep voice behind her. "Evin, hey... can I talk to you for a second?"
Evin stopped abruptly and turned around to face Ben. His expression was serious, almost worried. "Yeah, sure," she said. Hannah shot them a curious glance, raising her eyebrows, but continued up the stairs without a word. What was going on?
Ben hesitated, his gaze flickering nervously before he spoke. "I'm not sure how to say this... but I overheard something. Bas said something about you. About the party."
Evin’s heart skipped a beat, her mouth instantly dry. "What did he say?" Her voice barely escaped her lips, but she had to know. Even though she already knew it would hurt.
Ben shifted uncomfortably, glancing at the floor as if looking for the right words. "It’s... everyone knows. About what happened. And they’re talking. A lot." He didn’t meet her eyes, his discomfort clear, though his tone was calm, almost protective.
Evin’s heart thundered in her chest, but her voice stayed steady, almost cold. "What exactly are they saying?" Her eyes bore into him, as if demanding the truth, though she felt herself falling apart inside.
Ben sighed, his voice dropping to a near whisper.
"They’re talking about your body. About you.
.. like you’re nothing more than..." He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. But the way she looked at him made it clear she needed him to continue. "They’re saying... they look fake. Like... like silicone tits. And that you’re. .. meaty…down there."
Once again, I’m the topic of conversation.
The words slammed into her, her pulse racing wildly as the humiliation set in.
Evin’s stomach clenched painfully as the words hit her like a punch. A sour taste immediately filled her mouth, the nausea rising up her throat. Her neck burned, her mouth dry, but she couldn’t swallow.
Meaty.
The word pounded in her head, over and over, like a bitter aftertaste she couldn’t shake. She wanted to dismiss it, to strip it of its power. But it was too late.
Even though she knew her body was toned from years of training, she couldn’t stop the doubt from creeping in.
Why did she suddenly feel like it was true?
Like everyone saw her that way—not strong, not fit, but…
meaty . Her face grew hot, and a wave of shame washed over her before she even fully registered it.
The rumor was already spreading, fast and unstoppable—just like every other time, echoed in her mind.
Tears welled up in her eyes.
How am I supposed to fix this now?
She knew the rumors were false, knew her body didn’t look like what they claimed.
And yet, the shame wouldn’t let her go. An unrelenting doubt began to take root, spreading like poison.
Her heartbeat quickened, her thoughts spiraling around the same question: Is this how everyone sees me? Is this what I look like?
Her chest tightened, the pressure unbearable, but outwardly she forced herself to remain calm. Inside, though, she was falling apart. Every stare she’ d ever felt, every small insecurity she had buried, came rushing back with brutal force.
Why? Why?
Of course he had done it.
Why had she ever thought it could be different?
Now everyone knew what they’d shared in the dark. Never again, she told herself. Never again would she let herself be exposed like this. Her shame boiled into anger. “Thanks for telling me,” she muttered, avoiding Ben’s eyes.
He took a step toward her, as if to say something reassuring, but she held up a hand. “Let’s just go to class.”
Not again. The words pounded in her skull, relentless and cruel. O nce again, I’m the topic of conversation. The rage surged inside her. They’re talking about me again, like I’m nothing more than some stupid rumor, a joke.
Today was supposed to go differently.
She’d planned to smile at Bas, flirt shamelessly, lean in close and whisper teasing remarks in his ear. Instead, she was stuck here, listening to Ben repeat the disgusting things others had said about her.
She didn’t feel desired. She didn’t even feel human.
Like something discarded. Like nothing more than gossip, laid bare for everyone to see.
As they reached the classroom, a wave of emotions crashed over Evin, merciless and unrelenting. No warning. No escape.
Once again…
The stares from her classmates burned against her skin, sharp and icy. She sat down at her desk, but the turmoil inside her made it impossible to sit still.
Her heart pounded, and anger bubbled under her skin, ready to explode. She turned to Bas, her glare sharp enough to slice him in half.
He was sitting with his friends, unfazed, laughing as if nothing mattered.
When their eyes met, there was only fleeting curiosity—no guilt, no shame —as if she were nothing more than a passing amusement. His indifference made her blood boil. How could he act as if nothing had happened?
The moment class ended, whispers about Evin spread like venom. "There’s definitely something to it," someone said. "I heard she was into it, but Bas wasn’t interested." Her heart clenched, but she held her head high.
"If my life is so fascinating, just ask directly. Saves you the trouble of cheap rumors," she shot back, not breaking stride. "Glad to see I’m keeping you busy."
Outside, she inhaled deeply, the cool air burning in her lungs, but the pressure in her chest refused to let up.
Damn it! How much lower could they drag me?
And then she saw him.
Of course.
He sat off to the side, wearing his usual casual expression, but the tension in his shoulders and the rigid line of his jaw betrayed him. She forced herself to look away, unwilling to dwell on how his hands had held her last night.
Reflexively, she sat on the top step, maintaining a careful distance. His presence was heavy in the air, pressing against her skin, but she refused to acknowledge him. Walking away and giving him satisfaction was not an option—not after everything.
In truth, she sat barely three meters from the boy who, less than 24 hours ago, had craved her, devouring her with his eyes and hands. Now he was just another distant, irrelevant guy.
She longed to make a scene. To tear into him, to spit venom, to let the world hear her rage—but not today. Today she was too tired, too hurt to keep fighting. She had already lost.
Instead, Evin stared down at the steps, as if looking long enough would make sense of any of this.
No one else was in the courtyard. Normally, lunchtime would have the space bustling with activity, but today it was eerily empty—just her and Bas.
Bas and her. It was as if fate had granted them one final moment together.
Twelve hours ago, she might have dreamed of a moment like this.
Now, s he wished he would vanish. His mere presence was unbearable.
Maybe she should just skip the rest of the day.
"Evin." His voice yanked her back to reality. She flinched. When had he quietly sat down beside her on the step?
Barely thirty centimeters lay between them—Thirty centimeters that might as well have been an ocean. She kept her eyes down, refusing to look at him. He did the same, his gaze fixed on the pavement. The wound he had left still stung
"Evin," he repeated softly, almost tenderly. How could he dare, after everything that had happened?
Those thirty centimeters between them were suffocating.
She lifted her gaze—cautious, controlled—and met his eyes across that unbearable 30-centimeter gap. For a fleeting moment, his icy blue eyes searched hers, seeking for what? For forgiveness?
No, not this time."What do you want?" she asked, her voice flat and emotionless. She was proud of her steady voice, even as her pulse pounded against her ribs.
So Evin held his look, refusing to show any sign of vulnerability. Today, she was determined to be the stronger one. He broke eye contact, and a tense silence filled the space between them.
Thirty centimeters. A distance so small, yet impossible to cross. The air between them felt heavier than the silence itself. In all the years she had known him, he had never lingered so close without speaking.