Chapter 40 #2
I remember meeting him so vividly. And yes, I was attracted to him like any person with eyeballs would be. He’s godsdamn gorgeous, and cocky without being insufferable. Where Kayn is full of himself, Lucifer just carries an effortless confidence he doesn’t need to voice.
I’d take either of them at this point.
No, not take them. I mean the confidence. Not… take them, take them.
“Two reasons,” he says, tone dipping low. “The first being your safety. I told my father I’m going to feed before we go to dinner with them… and he’ll know if I haven’t.”
My blood goes ice-fucking-cold.
“I’m going to have to touch you. If I don’t, he’ll know I lied and that will make him question exactly why you’re here.”
“How will he know?” I grip the blanket so tightly I swear my nails are ready to bend backward.
“I’ve not fed for hundreds of your mortal years… he’ll know.”
My swallow is rough—barely making it down.
I know how Incubi and Succubae feed. I may not have firsthand experience, but I’ve studied nearly every race recorded in our histories.
“Bring Kayn back to help.”
Yes, jealousy rips through my chest like a freight train, but I don’t think I can go through with this.
“I’m sorry, Amarah, but if you think I can do that with him without having the conversation about what happened, you’re extremely na?ve. That talk will take time, and we don’t have that. Plus, it’s extremely dangerous for him, and you.”
His hand rises slowly toward the blanket.
“No, no, no!” I recoil away from him.
“Dollface, let me explain.”
“Kayn! Kayn—please, please. Help me. Please!”
Nothing. The bond is still silent. Empty.
I can’t stop the sudden shaking.
Embarrassment—violent and humiliating—slams into me all at once. Then the memories crash into me: the prison cell, the pain, every moment of helplessness carved into my bones.
It’s not Lucifer reaching for me, it’s the cook.
It’s not a soft bed beneath me, it’s the cold stone floor.
It’s not shadows that will restrain me, it’s cuffs. Metal clamps digging into my wrists, barely healed enough not to leave scars.
And it hits me with brutal clarity: The only reason I could let Kayn touch me at all was the bond. I felt his intentions through it. I knew—I knew—his only desire was to care for me.
This… this isn’t that.
This isn’t love, or comfort, or pleasure meant for me.
Lucifer is going to hurt me.
He’s going to rape me to satisfy his needs. My feelings don’t matter.
Just a whore.
Just a Witch whore.
“Murdering whore.”
My vision blurs, and just as my limbs go numb, a strong hand closes around the back of my neck.
I didn’t fight before. I let them take me. I stayed silent about my innocence, and they hurt me. Destroyed me. Now I carry the evidence of all of it, and I thought I was stronger than this.
I thought I’d blocked it out. I thought I was okay.
“Amarah, listen to me.”
Lucifer’s voice comes through—not the bond, something else. It isn’t through my ears; they’re clogged. I’m underwater, submerged beneath trauma I could’ve sworn I’d moved past.
“I cannot bring Kayn, because my father will smell him on me. I had to destroy your clothes because he’s all over them. I wrapped you in my shadows to drown out his scent and replace it with my own. The last thing I want is to hurt you. I can keep you both safe if you just trust me.”
W-Where are you…?
“I’m right behind you. Just open your eyes.”
How can I hear you…?
“I’ll explain, but come back to me. I’m not going to hurt you, and I’m certainly not going to rape you, dollface. I swear it.”
It takes several long moments to claw myself upward—out of the darkness, out of the memories, out of the panic. I force my eyes open, blinking hard.
It isn’t the bed frame that greets me, but steam pillowing toward a dark ceiling. Small, flat rounded lights provide just a little illumination, but they are for aesthetics, I’m sure, because it’s not bright enough to really do anything.
When I lift my hand, the sound of water shifts around me. I look down slowly to find myself submerged in a black porcelain tub filled with warm water. Strong arms wrap around me from behind—too pale, too unmarked to belong to Kayn. I’m completely naked, but the legs bracketing my hips are clothed.
“Scared me there for a second,” Lucifer murmurs behind me.
His refined accent sends goosebumps skittering down my spine.
“Thought you might’ve been too far gone for me to pull you back.
” He releases a soft sigh. “I couldn’t connect you to Vendra, so water was the closest thing I could find to anything natural from your realm. I hope it’s alright.”
My lips tremble as I keep blinking the anxiety away. I take a shaky breath, and I really don’t know what to say. But I guess in our currently position, what is there to say?
He moves one arm from around my waist to drape over my shoulders, keeping my back pressed tight against his chest. Where our skin touches, my body ignites.
“I can use my shadows for many things,” he murmurs.
“They’re completely tangible. Restraints, weapons…
I’ve used them for thousands of your mortal years.
They’re like an extra set of limbs. I can even use them to get into people’s heads.
I had to reach the furthest part of yours, but I promise I didn’t look at anything I wasn’t meant to. ”
He pulls me gently, tenderly, closer. “Though I did pass the part of you worrying I was going to… take you without consent. I should feel offended you’d even conjure that thought about me.”
I’d love to have this conversation face to face, not him talking to the back of my head. For now, I’ll take in the sound of painful sincerity in his voice and hold onto the feeling of safety it provides.