Chapter 40 #3
“I don’t know how much you understand about how we feed,” he continues, his breath fanning against my ear. “But I’m a little different from the rest of my kind. While making you orgasm is the fastest way for me to feast on your lifeforce… there is another method.”
His hand glides from my shoulder to my throat, where he holds me with a careful, steady grip. My chest rises and falls too fast. It’s impossible to keep my heart in check.
“You just… have to need me. Want me. Then your gates will open just a fraction for me to feed.”
My pulse is so loud I swear I can hear it echoing inside my skull.
“Me making you come will be far easier than that, I’m afraid.” He doesn’t move his hand from my waist, but his tone dips—smooth, dark, seductive in a way that is dangerous. “But it’s your choice which you’d like to try, dollface.”
“You said…” The words stumble out of me in a frantic mess. “You said there were two reasons you couldn’t stop touching me. One was because of your father… What’s the other reason?”
His thumb trails up along my jaw, and as he lifts my chin, he brushes his lips against my ear.
The soft huff of his laugh sends every hair on my body standing on end.
“Because I don’t want to… It isn’t just his scent on your skin that I can smell, but his cum inside of you.
It makes me want to spread you open and shove my tongue inside of you to taste you both. ”
My heart skitters and slams so hard against my ribcage I stop breathing.
“But I’d be a lying Demon if I said that was the only reason.
You’ve been on my mind ever since that night.
” He lowers his head slightly, his nose brushing the curve of my neck—right where Kayn feeds from me.
“Fate is an interesting bitch. Bringing you both to me when I can’t have either of you…
so sue me for wanting to touch what’s forbidden to me. ”
Every bone in my body vibrates, especially when he presses a kiss to the puncture marks from Kayn’s fangs. The sensation forces me to bite my bottom lip to choke down a whimper.
The moment Lucifer walked through the passage to the Vayl, and I learned the terrible truth of what had happened to my family, I shoved him out of my memory completely. He was a reminder that I’d tried to stop a future that was inevitable, and that you cannot defy fate.
A painful reminder that I… failed them.
My jaw clenches. And while all of that is true, I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t feel a strange connection to this man. It’s why I wasn’t afraid of him—though maybe I should’ve been. He could snap his fingers and bring the entire Beyond down on me.
“Tell me one thing…”
“Whatever you need, Amarah.”
“Why…” I turn in his hold, and he loosens his arms to let me face him. “Why did you leave him?”
His throat bobs, pain flickering in the soft twitch of his nose and the pull between his brows. His hand moves from my shoulder to my neck, then to my cheek—as if he understands my need is answered through touch. I’m desperate for it; I lacked it for so long in ways that made me feel safe.
And even as I sit naked in his tub, in the lap of a man I’ve only truly known for moments, his fingers tell me a story that’s lasted a century.
I won’t hurt you. I won’t touch you in any way you don’t want. I won’t misuse your trust.
“My father threatened to kill him.”
My eyes widen, my head shaking because that’s not some idle threat. That is catastrophic.
“He said Kayn was a distraction to me. That I had a bigger role than being someone’s fuck toy.
When I refused to leave willingly… he proved how little control I truly have over my own choices.
” Anger and ache fill Lucifer’s eyes, glossing them with something dangerously close to grief.
“He appeared the night I left Kayn. Put a sword to his neck and promised I’d never see him again—not even in the Beyond—if I didn’t leave and go with him. ”
“He never mentioned…”
“Because he doesn’t remember, Amarah.” His voice cracks, quiet but heavy. “I stole it. The memory. I’d rather he hated me for abandoning him than died trying… to save me.”
It should be him that has tears falling down his cheeks.
But no, they’re mine. My heart bleeds. My pulse climbs to a frantic, painful rhythm.
“And I…” My words fracture in my throat. “Brought him right to his realm…”
A sudden pull of energy yanks out of me, sending me pitching forward into Lucifer’s arms.
He wraps around my shoulders instantly. My chest tightens, every inch of my skin tingling. I’m forced to pull in breath after breath, because if I don’t, my lungs feel like they might cave.
“I’ve got you,” he murmurs, voice steady. “I won’t take much.”
I keep my arms between us, and he adjusts our bodies so he can hold me more securely. His fingers slide into my hair, gentle and grounding. I rest my forehead against the space between his neck and shoulder and release a quiet, broken sob.
There’s no need to fake this, because I do need him. In some capacity… and maybe in many.
Whether it’s this embrace, one that feels like he is just as desperate for it as I am, or the reality that I need him to save Kayn from the consequences of my ignorance: I do need Lucifer.
And deep down… I’m not angered at myself for that revelation.