12. Unwell
Chapter twelve
Unwell
H ot air blew through her hair as Angela stuck her head out of the car window. Talia’s decade-old Mitsubishi couldn’t handle having the air conditioning on without overheating the engine, much to Angela’s dismay. Tumble weeds and cacti dotted the tan landscape as far as the eye could see, here in the desert the sand glittered like diamonds as it reflected the sun.
It was day two of their cross-country trek and Talia had barely said two words to her beyond announcing when she needed to stop for a restroom break or fill up the gas tank. They stayed overnight in a hotel halfway to their destination, to Angela’s disappointment, in separate rooms. She knew it was foolish to hope Talia would have wanted to share a room, even if it did have separate beds, due to the fear of possibly being chased by Stathos-6. But hope she did, which only led to crushing let-down.
“What are you? A golden retriever?” Talia shouted over the sound of funneled air whipping past the car.
“What?” Angela turned to face Talia.
“ Please can you keep all your limbs inside the vehicle? You’re making my anxiety twitch.” Talia grimaced. “Some giant bug is going to lodge itself in your throat or some flying debris is going to chop your head off.”
Angela stared at her incredulously before erupting into thick laughter. “Really Talia? My head is going to get chopped off?” She said through bouts of chuckles. “We’re in the middle of nowhere. Look around! Tumbleweeds! Oooo scary.” She laughed mockingly.
“Don’t laugh at me!” Talia shouted. “You’ve obviously never seen any of the Final Destination movies. I still can’t follow behind any truckers carrying loads of logs.”
Angela stifled her laughter and snorted through the effort before more laughter escaped her. Try as she might, she couldn’t quell the response.
Talia stared straight forward gripping the steering wheel while stealing glances at Angela until she could no longer hold back her own laughter. “Okay, fine! You’re right it’s silly, but could you please humor me and keep your body inside the car?”
Angela smiled at her. “Anything for you.” She sat firmly in her seat and pulled her seatbelt tight.
“Thank you.” Talia said as a small smile escaped her lips.
She worries about me.
Joy spread through her chest leaving warmth in its wake. Through all the silence, the fact remained that Talia was here, with her, protecting her from Stathos-6. Angela let that feeling inside of her grow. Hope.
Slowly tufts of grass and sparsely populated towns began to pop up from the flat nothingness and low-lying hills filled the distance. They drove on until night fell around them again, bringing with it a chill that forced them to roll their windows up. The stars shone so clearly here that Angela couldn’t tear her eyes away from their brilliance.
“So, how much further navigator?” Talia asked while continuing to watch the road, squinting through the darkness.
She’s talking to me.
“Um… let’s see here.” Angela pulled out the road atlas they had purchased at the first gas station they had stopped at. That’s also where they tossed their flip-phones after Talia had called her parents and let them know she was taking a mental health break and going on a ‘technology free’ road trip with her roommate. Angela found it intriguing that her parents didn’t seem too bothered by that fact. Although she was a full-grown independent adult in her mid-twenties, still, this world seemed glued to their technology and their presumed safety. Angela, or rather this body, as it happens, was an orphan. Talia was the only family she had.
“We’re getting close… looks like-shit.”
“What?” Talia’s voice squeaked.
“Well, we were supposed to take that last exit. But it’s okay, if we take a left at the 3-80 then we’ve only gone a few miles out of our way.
“Damn it!” Talia shook her head. “You had one job.”
Ouch.
“I know Tal-”
“Don’t, just don’t, please.”
The silence was suffocating. Angela picked at her cuticles as she tried and failed not to let Talia’s sharpness affect her. The minutes stretched and the seconds felt like an eternity, until finally they came to a crossroads.
“Okay, we take a right here?”
Angela’s nerves were shot and instead of double checking the atlas, all she could do was nod. “Right, yes.”
Tears pricked her eyes and Angela was grateful for the darkness that hid them. She leaned her forehead against the window and stared until she could see no further, letting the vastness swallow her whole until finally she could no longer keep her eyes open.
“Crap-”
Talia’s panicked voice perked Angela’s ears. She slowly parted her eyes to see the asphalt still zooming below them marked by the long reflective yellow lines that flashed by against the night.
“We should have been there by now.” Talia spoke under her breath.
Angela sat up straight and waited to see a mile marker. She pulled the road atlas out, clicked on a small flashlight, and scanned until she could find their place on the map.
“Fuck. Talia-I’m so sorry, we were supposed to take a left back at the fork.”
Angela mumbled more apologies and rocked slightly in her seat as fear of upsetting Talia spread through her body. Fear of losing her was worse than any torment she could imagine, the idea of Talia pulling away from her left an ache in her heart so strong it was hard to breathe.
“Hey.” Talia said and reached a hand toward Angela’s leg and patted her knee reassuringly. “Hey. Ange, look, I’m really sorry for earlier, I shouldn’t have taken my stress out on you like that.” Talia gripped Angela’s arm in a comforting way and said. “It’s okay. We’ll find a hotel and call it a night. Tomorrow we’ll figure out where to go. It’s not exactly like we have an itinerary we have to stick to.”
Talia’s attempt to reassure her flew by like a breeze trying to knock a house over. Angela’s panic built to a crescendo strong enough to rival any tidal wave. The tightness in her chest increased, squeezing like a vice. Talia’s voice was distant in her ears.
What is happening to me?
The car came to a sudden stop. Billows of dust reflectedagainst the darkness through the headlights and enveloped the car. Angela could vaguely hear Talia putting the car in park, and opening the car doors.
Angela’s vision cleared when she realized she was still sitting in the car, but her body was turned and her feet were firmly planted on the outside ground, and Talia was kneeling in front of her holding her hands, then Talia’s voice finally cleared.
“Listen, you need to breathe. Take deep breaths in and slowly let it out. Angela has panic attacks. I think since you’re in her body, you’re having a panic attack. It’ll pass, you just need to breathe.”
Angela tried to force air into her lungs. Minute by minute the vice grip on her chest loosened. Quiet tears fell down her cheeks.
Talia’s head dropped with relief when Angela’s breathing returned to normal.
Talia raised her eyes to lock them with Angela’s and said. “I’m so sorry. I never should have snapped at you like that earlier.” Angela felt Talia’s handhold tighten. “It’s just this whole situation. It’s a lot. And I thought maybe I was okay, you know when we were joking like old times. But then I remembered you aren’t really Angela, and the thing is, I miss her, and I snapped, and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Angela could only nod her head, but the earnestness in Talia’s eyes and the vulnerability in her voice… melted Angela. Their gaze held. The cold desert raised goosebumps on Angela’s arms and sent a shiver up her spine. Her heart beat rapidly again, but this time not from panic. Talia leaned closer and Angela felt the warmth and solidness of her body between her legs. Talia reached her hands around Angela’s waist from where she kneeled, to get closer, and Talia tilted her head up to see more clearly into her eyes. She was so close that Angela could smell the sweetness of her breath from the soda in her cup. She could see the soft lines in her lips and the faint freckles across her nose.
Flashes of memory from her time spent as Brad ran through her mind. Remembering Talia’s kindness, and boldness. Angela raised her hands and used them to gently cup Talia’s face. Talia’s sharp intake of breath was like a magnet pulling Angela down, closing the distance between them. Their kiss vibrated with want, and when Angela parted Talia’s lips against hers to take in Talia’s tongue, Angela received it greedily as she clenched her legs tighter around Talia’supper body.
Talia suddenly stood, pulling herself away from Angela and turned away from her. She wrapped her arms around herself and shook. Angela followed her and gently placed her hands on her shoulders. And when Talia shrugged away, it was like a knife made of ice pierced straight through her.
“Talia, I’m sorry. I just, I thought-”
“Stop.. You don’t understand. This is not your body, you shouldn’t be allowed to use it any way you want!” Talia spun to face her, and when Angela saw the tears streaming down her face it shattered her. “I shouldn’t have let that happen! Angela-she’s my best friend! Don’t you get that? You don’t even know where she is. What if she’s a passenger in that mind, watching us do what we did with her body. It’s not right! Not only that, but I hardly know you.”
Stop, make it stop.
The pain of her words rang true, but Angela couldn’t help but feel like she had known Talia her whole life. She didn’t understand the pull between them, but it was there, strong as gold bonded to silver. She felt the panic rising within her again and forcefully pushed it down, it was her turn to be the strong one.
“Talia. You’re right. One hundred percent, you’re right. It won’t happen again, I promise. We’ll get through this, together . We’ll find answers, and we’ll find Angela.”
Talia nodded her head and wiped her face with her sleeve, then walked around the front of the car and slid back into the driver’s seat. Angela sat back into the passenger side, shut her door, and clicked her seatbelt.
They drove four more miles until they came to a hotel, brightly lit against the darkness of night. They parked, grabbed their backpacks, and headed to the front entrance. When Talia requested one room with two beds, Angela’s heart did a tap dance.
They took turns in the bathroom, changing into pajamas and brushing their teeth. They got into their own beds and turned out the lights without so much as a ‘good night’. But when Talia eased under Angela’s covers in the middle of the night, she saw it again, hanging there like the full moon in the sky, hope.