59. Sean
59
SEAN
F ive days had passed, and Chloe hadn’t spoken to me at all.
I was in my old townhouse, where brightly decorated balloons bobbed in the air, attached to tables covered in vibrant tablecloths.
I was devastated after Chloe had rejected me and my offer.
I’d thought I’d had the perfect solution.
Making space for Henry in my life and having him move in to the same building as us.
I’d risked it all to have Chloe in my life and lost. Chloe had chosen Henry over me.
“You know,” my ex-wife, Helen, said as we walked up to the doorway of my bedroom, “I was surprised when Lucas insisted on having his eighth birthday party here instead of at my place. Now, I can see why.”
I suppressed a laugh.
My large bedroom had been transformed into an empty space for bouncy houses.
Kids were joyfully bouncing around, giggling and laughing.
In the background, hired entertainers, dressed as various superheroes, posed with kids and their parents for photographs.
“I could never compete with this,” Helen said, looking around at the dining table behind us, which had a long chocolate fountain with numerous treats that kids would dip into the flowing chocolate.
Around it were cupcakes and cookies made by a pastry chef, keeping with the Spider-Man theme.
They were delicious.
“You don’t need to compete, Helen,” I said, leaning against the doorway.
“He loves you.”
She laughed.
“Thank goodness he loves me,” she added with a wave of her hand.
“I don’t have all of this to buy his love.”
I frowned, wondering if I was doing that, when a guest tapped Helen on the shoulder.
She turned around and began to speak while I watched the kids, still frowning.
I felt someone’s eyes on me and realized Lucas had been staring at Helen and me in conversation all this time.
I walked into the bedroom, approaching him with some concern.
He turned away stubbornly, but I reached out and stopped him.
“Hey,” I said. “Is something wrong?” I scanned his expression, which was midway between a frown and a disappointed look.
Lucas’s gaze strayed to the door, where some of the guests were still walking in.
“Where is Chloe?” he asked.
“She promised me she’d be here. Did you fight with her?”
I sighed.
“Chloe won’t be here today, Lucas. I’m really sorry. But I’m here,” I added, holding my arms out for a hug.
He didn’t lean in. “Chloe made you a nicer person, Dad. I want her back.”
I put my hands down, feeling a heavy weight in my heart.
Perhaps Lucas could handle the truth.
“I fought for her, Lucas. I love her deeply and wanted more from her. A proper home and a relationship I could announce to the world. But she … didn’t feel the same.”
“Maybe all she needs is some time, Dad. Because she knows what a wonderful person you are. She told me so herself. She’ll come back to you—I’m sure of it. Just like how Mom came back to me.”
I knelt down on the ground next to him, trying to process the sudden onslaught of emotions that hit me.
“Lucas,” I breathed out, pulling him to me for a hug.
I ruffled his hair, taken aback at his confidence in me.
“Thank you, son. But I hope to prove to you that I can be a nice person even if Chloe isn’t around.”
He drew back from me stubbornly.
“I want Chloe back. She loves spending time with me.”
I looked around the room, wishing I could point to everything I’d done to show him how much I cared for him, too, when I remembered Helen’s comment.
I wasn’t buying his love with money.
No.
“Lucas,” I said looking at him evenly.
“I love spending time with you too. If you weren’t my son, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Instead of being with you on your eighth birthday party, I’d be sipping from a bottle of scotch on the couch, passed out and lost. If I was not your father, I wouldn’t end my workday thinking about how to build our next tree house or fly a drone together. I would have spent my evenings setting up more business meetings and being the same miserable person every day. I’ve changed so much by having you, and you’re my biggest source of pride, son. Never ever feel like you are unwanted. You are so much wanted and loved by me and your mom.”
I sat down cross-legged next to him, feeling blessed to have this chance, to have his attention on me.
How much I’d craved it, having him listen to me, to talk to me, and trust me with what happened to him.
It was a privilege, and I’d taken it for granted.
Five years from now, I knew I'd be begging for his time and attention, after brushing him off when he’d asked for the same from me.
I put my hands on his shoulders. “I’m sorry, son, that I haven’t been a great dad for the first eight years of your life. I promise you, Lucas, that I’ll try to be a better dad from here on out.”
He gave me a doubtful look, and I shook my head in disbelief.
“Is it so hard to believe that I can be a good dad?”
He gave me a half shrug and an expression that said, Duh .
“Well,” I said, “how about this? I’ll try to be a better person first. Can you believe I can do that?”
He considered that before finally, excruciatingly painfully giving me a single nod. “Okay,” he said.
Lucas pointed to the bouncy castle behind us. “Hey, want to go spook the Spider-Man who’s walking with his back to us?”
I stood up and gave him my hand. “I can be very quiet,” I promised, following him.