Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
Bennett
I take a seat on the low rust-colored couches at Leo’s private members club. He’s sitting opposite me. Neither of us is talking.
I don’t have the energy to speak. Just existing takes everything I have at the moment.
The last three weeks without Efa have been some of the hardest of my life. Logically, it makes no sense. I’d never met the woman before the start of this summer. It’s been just weeks but I’m beginning to realize I’ve been forever altered by her. I wonder if I’ll ever actually get over not having her in my life.
All I see when I close my eyes is her standing in front of me outside the hotel, telling me she doesn’t want to be with me.
I take a sip of my drink and squeeze my eyes shut, not because I’m trying to stop thinking about her, but because I know it will be her that I see when I do.
“Hey,” Worth’s voice says from behind me.
I lift up my drink and nod. I don’t know why I came tonight. I’m not much company at the moment. But maybe that’s why I’m here.
“Oh god,” he says. “You two look pathetic.” He takes a seat next to me and gives his drink order to the waiter.
“Noted,” I say.
“Uncle Fisher’s here!” I turn to see Fisher heading over to us.
The club is quiet, probably because Leo insisted we have the entire floor to ourselves. Although ESPN is on, it’s muted. On our group chat, he said he never wants to see another woman again. I have to admit, it was the first time I’ve smiled for weeks. I’m not happy Leo’s miserable, but he’s had enough women to last him a lifetime. I doubt his abstinence will last long.
“It’s all going to be okay,” Fisher says. “Oh, and Byron’s not coming again. Something came up apparently.”
Hardly a surprise. I’m not sure what’s going on with Byron at the moment. I probably should have checked in with him, but there’s been so much going on this summer.
Jack appears from out of nowhere and it’s the five of us. “So what’s on the agenda tonight?” Jack asks.
Booze. Sleep. Misery.
I tip back my head, empty my glass, and slide it onto the table.
“Okay,” Worth says. “I’ll be in charge of the agenda. First, no driving home.”
I nod. That I can agree to. I can take a taxi back to the Mandarin Oriental, where I’ve been staying since I left The Avenue.
“Second, we’ll deal with Leo. Third, Bennett.”
“No,” I snap. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Worth doesn’t respond, just turns to Leo. “Okay, so how are things with you?”
“Great,” Leo deadpans. “The only woman I’ve let in and it hasn’t been all about sex uses me to get to my best friend. Life is peachy.”
I catch Jack’s wince. Worth pulls in a breath.
“That’s bullshit,” I say.
“What’s bullshit?” Leo asks.
“The part where you say you let the woman in.”
“She moved in, Bennett. She cooked me dinner and we—” He sighs. “Never mind.”
“That doesn’t mean you let her in.” I know because I let Efa in. More than anyone.
“Bennett’s right,” Worth says. “Just because she had her panties in the drawer next to yours doesn’t mean you were emotionally invested.”
“I don’t wear panties,” Leo snaps, and I can’t help but let out a laugh. A small smile curls around Leo’s mouth.
Worth rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“Look,” Leo says. “I like women—I’ve never tried to deny it. But I did think that Nadia might be… different.”
You’d know, you wouldn’t think. I don’t say it, because he doesn’t want to hear it from me. But he would have known if Nadia was special. It wouldn’t be in doubt.
“Maybe you were hoping she would be,” Worth says. “Maybe different is what you’re looking for?”
Leo shakes his head. “Absolutely not. I’ll be okay,” he says. “I’ll spend a couple of days licking my wounds. I’ll move and I’ll be right back to business as usual.”
“You’ll move?” Jack asks. “What do you mean?”
“There’s no fucking way I’m staying in that apartment. Jesus Christ, I’ve had to have twenty showers a day for the last week. My fucking skin is falling off. I’m not putting myself through staying there, where she was spying on me and my friends. No way. I’ve been staying at the hotel since last Monday.” He lifts his chin toward me. “Bennett had the right idea moving into his hotel. I’ve already come up with some revenue-generating projects for the place.”
Leo will be okay. I have no doubt about it. He’s one of the strongest men I know.
“You’re going to find a new apartment?” I ask.
“I have a meeting with a realtor tomorrow. We’ll see what’s out there.”
“That sounds positive,” Worth says. “Maybe you could think about whether part of the reason you had Nadia move in was because you wanted something more than…”
“The field of gorgeous women that is New York City?” Leo rolls his eyes. “Nah. I just need to bench myself for a minute. I’ll be back in the game in no time.”
Worth might be onto something with Leo, but now’s not the time and Worth gets it. He doesn’t push.
“Anyone got anything pressing they want to raise?” Worth asks
“Are we at Monday night sports or a board meeting?” Leo asks.
“I apologized to Efa for not believing her and for not trusting her,” I confess.
“Great,” Worth says. “Are things back on track for you two now?”
I groan. “Nope.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Fisher says. “She’ll come around.” Most things work out for Fisher, so he can’t possibly comprehend the idea of life not going his way. I envy him.
“Will she come around?” Worth asks.
I shake my head and beckon over the waiter. There isn’t enough whisky in the world.
“Have you thought about buying her a really expensive gift? Like a necklace or a watch or something?” Fisher asks. “In my experience, a nice gift can get you out of most situations with women.”
It takes effort not to roll my eyes. Fisher is being ridiculous. If he’s spending time with women who are won over by expensive gifts, he’s spending time with the wrong women.
“This isn’t a situation that can be fixed with a new watch,” I say.
“What about a car?” he suggests.
Worth glares at him. “She won’t forgive you?”
I let out a resigned laugh. “If only it were that simple. She forgave me. Quickly. Graciously. And without any expensive gifts. It was more than I deserved.”
“So what’s the problem?” Fisher asks.
“I’m the problem,” I reply. “The way I like things so private. Discreet.”
“Right,” they all chorus in unison, like they all completely understand where she’s coming from.
“So we’re done,” I explain.
“Just like that?” Worth asks. I shrug. “And I’m guessing from… your mood, that you’d prefer not to be done.”
“Of course.” I want to go home every night and slide into bed next to her. I want to pull her against me and smell her scent that’s peaches and earth at the same time. I want to feel what it’s like to have her belly laugh when I say something, even though it was just a little bit funny. I want to hold her when she’s sad and I want to hear every thought inside her head.
“But it’s impossible. I understand she doesn’t want to… hide, or hide me, or have to lie—I get it. She was surrounded by lies for a long time.”
“Are you technically lying?” Fisher says. “I mean, your name is Bennett Fordham.”
“Right. But I’m not open about being at the helm of Fort Inc. I’m not open about being the son of Kathleen Fordham. You five know those things about me. She knows those things about me.”
“You told her who your mom was?” Worth asks.
“I did.”
“Wow,” Fisher says.
“Precisely,” Jack says. “Wow. How did you feel?”
“Fine. Good, even. Telling her was like a weight lifted.”
“Did she know who she was? Efa’s young.”
“She knew. Reeled off her favorite movies and?—”
“You were okay with that?” Worth asks.
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah. I liked the fact she knew of Kathleen Fordham. It was… more of a connection or something.”
“That’s big, Bennett,” Leo says. “I didn’t realize that she… you two were so close.”
I nod, unable to speak, because I have a lump of rock biting into the flesh of my throat.
We were close.
“And so she just walked away?” Fisher says.
“It’s easier this way,” I say. “There’s no point in spending more time together if things are going to end at some point.” Except I would have liked more time.
Even if it meant more pain in the long run.
“It’s her decision.”
“You sound broken,” Fisher says.
“It’s rough. But I’ll bounce back, just like Leo.” Except it’s different. Efa wasn’t Nadia. She didn’t betray me. Quite the opposite. And I understand that she doesn’t want to betray herself and her own needs and boundaries. I respect that about her. I love that about her.
I love her .
I’m not sure I’ll ever bounce back from loving her.
“You don’t think she’s worth fighting for?” Fisher asks.
“I don’t have anything left to fight with,” I say. “I can’t give her what she needs.”
“But can’t you?” Worth asks. “It sounds like you have a choice: Efa or your anonymity.”
“It’s not like she’s asking you to announce it in Forbes ,” Fisher says. “Is she?”
“She hasn’t asked me for anything,” I reply. “She knows there’s no point.”
“Changing your name after your mom died. I get it,” Worth says. “You wanted to get out from under her shadow and become a person in your own right. You didn’t trust people who knew you as her son, because she was surrounded by people who were there because of her fame and fortune. But, now?” He frowns, but I’m not sure why. “Now? You’ve carved out a piece of this world for yourself. No one is just going to see you as her son. And it doesn’t matter if you’re Ben Fort or Bennett Fordham, people are going to fawn. They’re going to want to be close to you because you have money and success. It’s the same for all of us. It’s our job to spot those people and only trust those we know are genuine.”
Leo raises his hand. “Don’t come to me for lessons.”
I smirk. Leo’s down, but he’s not out. Never in this lifetime.
“So what, you think I should just rip open my shirt and announce I’m Batman?”
I’m met with a round of jeers. “That’s just weird,” Fisher says. “You’re not Batman. You’re just an uptight businessman who’s overly paranoid.”
I actually manage to smile at that one. “You make it sound so simple. But it’s not. I’ve spent a long time building walls around me, and I come back and strengthen them all the time. I am surrounded by people who respect me—not my fame or my reputation, but my work. My character. Who I am.”
“Exactly,” Worth says. “You’ve done the hard work. Now’s the time to reap what you’ve sown.”
I pull in a breath at the idea that I could let go of these reins that I’ve been holding on to so tightly for so long.
“I’m not sure where I’d start, or even if I want to,” I confess.
“You have to decide whether Efa’s worth it,” Leo says.
Leo’s statement is all it takes for the fog to lift and everything to become clear. Because I know that Efa’s worth everything I can give her.