Chapter 34
Riley
Ifidgeted in my chair before forcing myself to be still. I studied the woman reading through my resume, and although I told myself to keep my mouth shut, I couldn’t resist speaking.
“I know it’s been a while since I’ve waitressed, but I’m confident in my abilities. I’ve often thought of waitressing like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never forget.” I sounded overly cheery and the teeniest bit desperate, and I reined it in as the woman glanced at me.
Behind her, the red neon sign spelling out “Lobster Shack” in cursive blinked and buzzed. The sign took up half the wood panelled wall and projected a soft red glow over our booth, the two booths behind me, and the hostess area.
She waved off my statement. “Yes, it’ll be fine. I’m not worried about that.”
She returned to reading my resume as I looked around. It was Sunday morning, and the Lobster Shack didn’t open for business until eleven, which meant the place was quiet. A server stood near one of the empty tables, rearranging the silverware, and I studied the trucker-style cap she wore with her white shirt and black pants. The front of the hat had the restaurant”s name in the same cursive font as the neon sign, but it was the giant stuffed plush lobster fixed firmly to the top of the hat that I couldn’t stop looking at. It seemed hideously cheerful, its bright red claws bouncing and flopping with every step the server took and the bright red wire that was its antenna waving in the air.
I pictured myself wearing that hat as I carried steaming trays of lobsters every night and didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. Hysterical laughter bubbled up in my chest, and I swallowed it down viciously.
Keep it the fuck together, Riley!
Yes, I definitely needed to keep it the fuck together. I knew how lucky I was to get this interview. I’d applied yesterday morning to every waitress job I could find, and this was the first one to reply. When they’d asked if I could come in today for an interview, I had hurriedly agreed.
“What I am worried about,” the manager looked up from my resume, “is you burning out. You work full-time during the day. We’re looking for someone Tuesday to Friday, six pm to midnight, and weekend shifts. That’s a lot for a person.”
“I have lots of energy,” I said. “My day job is not as physically taxing, so I assure you it won’t be a problem.”
She was still giving me a skeptical look, and I knew she wouldn’t hire me.
I took a deep breath. “I’ll be honest with you. My mom has cancer and needs the extra money for her treatment. I promise you I will not quit. I need this job. Please give me a chance.”
She set my resume on the table. “Screw it. You’re hired.”
I blinked at her, not sure I heard her correctly. “I am?”
“Yes.” The smile on her face faded. “My father had cancer. I remember very well the stress of mounting medical bills.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate this and promise I will be an excellent server.”
“I’m counting on it,” she said. “Your first training shift starts Tuesday at six. I’ll start the hiring paperwork and email it to you for signing.”
She slid out of the booth, and I followed her, shaking her hand when she held it out. “Thank you, Ms. Andrews.”
“Call me Shannon. We’ll see you Tuesday.”
I left the restaurant and climbed into Marvin, starting him up and turning the heat on high. I grabbed my phone from my purse and grimaced when I saw the missed texts from my father. Despite my desire to curl into a ball and shut out the entire world, I’d forced myself to call Dad on Saturday. He’d been so upset when he found out I’d lost my second job and couldn’t send extra money.
I’d assured him I would find something else and send money soon, but, for once, the usual guilt hadn’t coursed through me. All my broken, aching heart could focus on was how badly I’d hurt Deacon.
My hand shaking, I rubbed my forehead. I would give anything to go back and change what had happened. I didn’t know what made me feel worse - how badly I’d hurt Deacon or not even realizing how much it would hurt him.
For about the thousandth time since Friday night, the tears started. I swiped them away with a tissue. I’d hurt the man I loved, and I had no way to fix it. Even worse, I would have to spend the next few weeks seeing him every day, knowing he hated me, knowing that I’d made him feel so fucking terrible.
The tears flowed hard, and my mascara left dark streaks on my cheeks. I wiped my face clean and forced thoughts of Deacon out of my head. My mom. I had to concentrate on her right now. My dad had mentioned again taking money from my 401k, and I’d said I would look into it, but I didn’t want to do that.
I knew it made me selfish, but working six days a week at the restaurant would pay me roughly what my two agency appointments paid, which would have to be enough for my parents. I couldn’t keep giving and giving without getting anything in return.
Whoa. Where did that come from? New and improved Riley is also a selfish cow, is that it?
I rubbed my forehead again. Fuck. No, I wasn’t, but as much as I loved my parents, I needed to grow up and acknowledge that they were the type of people who only valued what I could give them. I would never get the validation from them I so desperately wanted.
So, you’ll let your mother die of cancer, then?
No, of course, I wouldn’t, but I also couldn’t be solely responsible for paying their living expenses. My dad would find another job once Mom was out of the hospital. He had to. In the meantime, I would wear a stupid lobster hat and serve other people their food.
It’s a lot easier just to spread your legs for someone at the agency and be their good girl.
I shuddered. Just thinking of being with someone else repulsed me. I’d emailed the sisters on Saturday night and ended my contract with them, then ignored Celeste”s texts and Catherine”s phone calls.
Despite how much Deacon hated me now, I still saw myself as his good girl.
Even if he never would.
* * *
Deacon
I stopped in the hallway,staring furtively into the alcove that housed Riley’s desk. She sat at her desk, staring at her monitor as she typed rapidly. She stopped typing, frowned at her screen, and then sighed and sat back in her chair.
She took off her glasses and rubbed delicately at the skin below her eyes before rubbing her forehead. Her hair, usually straightened when at the office, was a curly mass on top of her head, and even from here, I could see how raw her bottom lip was. She looked exhausted. Hell, she looked worse than I did, and I looked like a fucking walking disaster.
I scrubbed a hand across my jaw. I hadn’t shaved this morning nor bothered with a suit jacket or a tie. What was the fucking point? It’s not like I’d be fired for not adhering to the dress code. At this point, I just wanted to finish the year end, tell Richard he was the new CFO, and get the fuck out of this office.
Riley and I had been walking on eggshells around each other for the last two weeks, which was unbelievably draining. I went home every night feeling like I’d been through a hurricane. I could hardly concentrate on my job, and it pissed me off. I’d made some stupid mistakes in the last few days, and if it hadn’t been for Richard catching them, we would have been seriously fucked.
I couldn’t get Riley out of my goddamn head, and seeing her every day certainly didn’t fucking help. It would have been easier if I hated her, but despite everything, I still loved her. Still wanted her. Still needed her to be my good girl.
That’s done. You need to move on.
Yeah, move on… no problem. Easy fucking peasy.
I cleared my throat as I walked toward her desk. She sat up straight and smiled hesitantly. “How was your lunch, Mr. Cross?”
“Fine,” I said. “Did Richard email you the spreadsheet?”
“He did,” she said. “I’m almost finished.”
“Email it when you’re done.”
“I will,” she said. “Mr. Wright was hoping to meet with you at three this afternoon. You have a meeting with Richard and Cara, but they could meet at two-thirty instead of three if that works for you.”
“That’s fine,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll change your calendar,” she said. She gave me another tentative smile, but it faded quickly when I stared coolly at her.
Stop being an asshole! She’s suffering just as much as you are.
Was she? She looked like she was, but I couldn’t trust my instincts regarding Riley.
Her voice hoarse, Riley said, “Deacon?”
I stared at her. “What is it?”
She chewed savagely on her bottom lip, and I had to clench my hands into fists to stop from tugging that sore bottom lip out from her teeth. “Stop biting your lip, Riley.”
She released it and swiped away the blood welling on her lip. “I just wanted to say that -”
“No,” I said. “If it isn’t work related, don’t bother.”
Fuck, I hated the hurt that crossed her face. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Deacon.”
“Stop,” I ground out. “Please don’t. Not now, not when…”
Her dark brown eyes were full of sorrow and sympathy. “When what?”
“I miss you,” I said in a low voice.
“I miss you, too,” she said. “Maybe we could have coffee and talk, or -”
“No,” I said.
She pressed her lips together, wincing at the pressure before licking away the fresh blood on her lower lip. “If you change your mind, you have my number.”
We stared at each other, separated by her desk and hurt feelings and a million reasons why we could never be together.
“Deacon?”
I twitched wildly and turned, staring at Lina, who stood just outside the alcove. I forced a smile. “Hello, Lina.”
“Hi.” She held her daughter against her chest, and she stared at me and then Riley, her head cocked slightly to the side. “How are you?”
“Good. How are you doing?”
“Sleep deprived but happy,” she said. “You haven’t met Chloe yet.”
“I haven’t.” I stepped closer, smiling at the baby when Lina balanced her in her hands so I could see her face. I ran a finger over the baby’s soft cheek. “She’s beautiful, just like her mother.”
“Thank you,” Lina said. “How are you doing?”
“Good,” I said. “Busy with the year end.”
“I bet,” Lina said. “But I know Aiden is thrilled with how well it’s going.” She smiled at Riley. “Hey, Ry. How are you?”
“Hi, Lina,” Riley said.
“Cute glasses,” Lina said.
Riley glanced at me, her cheeks turning pink. “Thank you.”
I cleared my throat. “It was good to see you, Lina, but I should get back to work.”
“Right,” Lina said as she studied me and then Riley.
“I’ll have that spreadsheet to you in the next five minutes, Mr. Cross,” Riley said.
“Thank you, Ms. Gates,” I said. “Take care, Lina.”
I walked to my office, making sure not to look at Riley as I passed her desk. I closed the door behind me and dropped into my chair. I couldn’t wait to be finished this fucking job so I could move on and never think about Riley Gates again.
You think it’ll be that easy to forget her just because you don’t see her anymore?
It had to be. I felt like I was going insane. The hurt, the loss, the sheer desire to be with Riley despite everything she’d done was overwhelming. It hadn’t been like this with Eloise, even in my darkest moments, and I turned in my chair to stare out the window at the falling snow.
Why the fuck had I ever gone back to that fucking agency?