LANA
Ihear Sebastian’s truck speed away, and I let out a long breath, then lay my head on the table. I knew he would be hurt when I told him the truth, but I’ve never seen Sebastian this angry before.
The fire in his eyes scared me.
I take some more deep breaths to calm myself down, then wipe the tears from my eyes.
Part of me wants to call Sebastian and beg him to come back. To plead with him to hear how sorry I am. Another part of me wants to lock myself in my room and never come out again.
I know I can’t do either of those things though. Noah needs me.
Strengthening my resolve, I head into the living room, where Monica and Noah are sitting on the couch watching cartoons.
When my cousin sees me, she switches off the TV and then stands from the sofa. “I'll give you two some space.”
Monica goes into the kitchen, and I sit down next to Noah.
“Was that angry man my dad?” he asks. He looks terrified.
“Yes, but I promise you Ba-- Noah, he’s not usually like that. He’ll never hurt us like Theo did.”
“Then why were you shouting at each other, and why have you been crying?” my son asks, and he looks so small, so innocent. I need to protect him.
“You know earlier, when I told you, and you were mad at me and didn’t want to talk to me?” I ask softly, and when Noah nods, I continue. “Well, that’s how Sebastian is feeling right now. He isn’t happy with Mama because I didn’t tell him about you sooner.”
“Why didn’t you tell him? Don’t you want us to be a family.?”
“Oh Baby.” Noah doesn’t object to my use of the pet name and lets me pull him into my lap.
“I want more than anything for the three of us to be a family. I love you and your dad very, very much. But it’s going to take Sebastian some time to calm down.
I’m sure once he’s had some space, he’ll come back, and we can sort everything out. ”
“While you were talking to Sebastian,” Noah says, and it isn’t lost on me that he’s not calling him dad yet. “Monica told me that his brother, Ryan, lives with my school friend Tommy. How cool is that? Does that mean I have loads of cousins to play with now?”
I smile, glad my son is focusing on the positives.
“Like you would not believe. You have four uncles, who I’m sure will adore you.
Your uncle Antony has twins about your age, and he’s having another baby soon.
Uncle Ryan is also having a baby, and his girlfriend has lots of brothers and sisters who live with them.
There’s Tommy from your class, and a sister who is a year younger. ”
Noah’s eyes widen, and he offers me a small smile. “That’s so cool. When can I meet them all?”
“Soon, I promise. We’ll give it a couple of days for Seb-- for your dad to calm down, and then I can explain everything to him. After that, I’m sure everyone will be excited to meet you.”
“I can’t wait. I always wanted cousins and stuff. And now I have a dad, you two can get married and I can have brothers and sisters.”
I stroke my fingers through Noah’s hair, but don’t say anything.
After the way Sebastian stormed out, I’m not sure if the relationship between me and him can be saved.
I know he won’t abandon Noah. No matter how hurt he is about me keeping the truth from him, Sebastian isn’t the type of man to turn his back on his son.
But, well, I saw the hurt and betrayal in his eyes.
I don’t know if he will ever forgive me.