29. Gabby
Gabby
My shift was replaced because Nik wants me home after the bombing.
I’m relieved. I want to be with Luke. It’s been a few days since the bombing, and I think we’re all adjusting. It’s strange to have such a full house. Even if the house is so big that I still have to search for them.
Kylie has been moved into the guest house on the property. Nik is collecting his people. It’s one of the things I like about him. He’s protective. Bringing everyone in under guard. It also scares me. He’s taking responsibility for everyone under this roof, and in his world, people get hurt.
I don’t want him to carry that kind of responsibility. And now, I sound like an overprotective girlfriend.
Am I his girlfriend?
“Are you ready?”
I look up and see Nik standing in the doorway, dressed in the same black he always wears.
I eye him. “Are you sure it’s safe?”
“Yes.”
This was his idea, all because we watched a silly cartoon where one of the characters flew a helicopter. Luke said he wanted to ride in one, and because Nikolai owns one, Nik being Nik, made it happen.
Now, I’m going for a ride in a helicopter, something I’ve never wanted to do.
“I’m going to be super pissed if we crash at the bottom of the Grand Canyon,” I warn him.
“Me, too.”
I roll my eyes. “Helpful.”
Mila is with Olga, and Pasha is resting, so it’s just the three of us. I’m beginning to see us as a family, and that thought scares me.
I walk to the room next door, where soft blue walls and dinosaurs cover every surface. His bed is made, showcasing the giant T. rex on the comforter. Nik follows me in.
“Luke, are you ready?”
He looks up from where he’s sitting on a bean bag, looking at one of his new picture books.
“I’m ready,” he says.
I look at Nik and smile. “You know, about a year ago, it was fire trucks. Fire truck everything. Then he moved on to dinosaurs. What will you do when helicopters are next?”
Nik shrugs. “I teach him to fly.”
“Absolutely not.”
“A remote one,” he says.
I know that’s exactly what he’ll do. Every dinosaur will be removed, and helicopters will cover the walls. Do they make stuffed helicopters?
An hour later, I clutch the armrest so hard that my knuckles turn white as the helicopter lifts off the ground. My stomach drops to my ankles and stays there.
“You okay?” Nik’s voice crackles through the headset.
“Peachy,” I lie.
Luke is pressed against the window on my other side, his eyes wide with wonder. He’s not scared at all. Of course, he’s not. He trusts Nikolai, and he hasn’t spent the past hour imagining every possible way this could go wrong.
Luke can be overwhelmed by flashing lights or loud noises, but put him in a helicopter, on a roller coaster, or on a zipline, and he’s completely at ease. He experiences fear differently than I do.
I glance at Nik, who almost looks bored. I’m not sure there’s anything that scares him.
The pilot works for Nik. This isn’t a tourist flight, packed with strangers. The city falls away beneath us, and suddenly, we’re soaring over the desert, which stretches endlessly in every direction.
“Look, Mom!” Luke points at something below. “Cars. They’re so small.”
I force myself to look down. He’s right; the cars on the highway look like toys.
“Very small,” I manage.
Nik reaches over and takes my hand. His thumb strokes across my knuckles. I glance at him, and he’s watching me with a steady gaze that somehow makes everything feel less terrifying.
“Breathe,” he says quietly.
I do. Deep breath in. Hold. Release.
The helicopter levels out, and my death grip on the armrest eases a little. Maybe I’m not going to die. Maybe this will be fine.
I force myself to focus on Luke’s joy and let his excitement steady me. I can do anything for him. Even this.
About thirty minutes later, I see it.
The Grand Canyon opens beneath us like the earth has split in two. Layers of red and orange rock stretch down into shadows so deep that I can’t see the bottom. The scale of it steals my breath in a different way.
“Whoa,” Luke breathes.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.
Nik squeezes my hand. “I thought you’d like it.”
The pilot takes us along the rim, then dips down into the canyon. The walls rise on either side of us, ancient and massive. I’m gripping the armrest again. Nik’s hand slides up my neck in a gentle caress. We’ve touched plenty of times, but this is different. He’s comforting me.
It’s working.
Mostly.
I’m still praying to be back on the ground sooner rather than later, but I’m breathing. I don’t think Luke is picking up on my fear. I’ve learned how to hide it from him. If I’m afraid, he’s afraid. So, I breathe and keep smiling.
Luke is glued to the window, pointing at everything. A hawk circling below us. The ribbon of the Colorado River winding through the canyon floor. Rock formations that look like castles.
“Can we go to the bottom?” Luke asks.
“Not today,” Nik tells him. “But we could come back. Take a mule ride down.”
“Really?”
“If you want.”
Luke nods enthusiastically. “I want.”
I look at Nik, wondering if he’s only saying it for Luke. But Nik doesn’t make promises he won’t keep. He’s already planning the next trip. The next thing we’ll do together.
Together.
Like this is what we are now.
My chest tightens, and this time, it isn’t fear.
“Where else would you like to go?” Nik asks Luke.
“Dinosaur museum,” Luke says immediately. “The big one. In New York.”
“The Museum of Natural History,” I supply.
“We could go,” Nik says. He looks at me. “Take a long weekend. Make a trip of it.”
“Maybe,” I say carefully. “Someday. I don’t want to push too much at once.”
We are not going to New York. Ever.
The pilot circles back toward Vegas. The canyon falls away behind us, and the desert spreads out again. After a while I see the Strip in the distance, and the glittering line of hotels and casinos.
By the time we land, my legs are so shaky that I have to steady myself before helping Luke down. He’s still buzzing with excitement, talking a mile a minute about everything he saw.
Nik thanks his pilot, and we head back to the SUV. Luke climbs into his car seat, and I buckle him in.
“Did you have fun?” I ask.
“Can we do it again?”
“Maybe someday.”
“Tomorrow?”
I laugh. “Not tomorrow. But someday.”
Luke chatters the whole way back to the estate. I pray he does not become obsessed with helicopters. I watch Nik listen. Treating Luke’s interests like they matter.
Something warm twists through my chest.
We get home, and Luke runs inside to tell Kylie about the helicopter. I start to follow, but Nik catches my wrist.
“Thank you,” he says.
“For what?”
“For trusting me. With him. I know you were scared.”
“I was terrified,” I admit. “But you were right. It was amazing.”
He pulls me closer and kisses me. Soft and slow and perfect. When he pulls back, I’m dizzy for different reasons than the helicopter.
“I have to go to the casino,” he says. “There’s a meeting I can’t miss.”
“Okay.”
“You’ll be safe here. Security knows to call me if anything seems off.”
“We’ll be fine.”
He hesitates like he doesn’t want to leave. Then he heads back to the SUV.
I watch him leave, my fingers brushing my lips. He kissed me in front of his guards. It’s getting harder to pretend this is only a fling. Every day, it feels like something more.
Luke is in the kitchen with a snack, telling Kylie about the canyon in excruciating detail. She’s listening patiently, nodding in all the right places.
I grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter.
“Mom, can Nik come with us everywhere?” Luke asks.
“What do you mean, buddy?”
“Like, when we go places. Can he come?”
“Sometimes. When he’s not working.”
“Is he my dad now?”
I nearly choke on my water. “What?”
Luke looks at me with serious eyes. “Is Nik my dad?”
Kylie's expression goes carefully neutral. She doesn't look at either of us.
I bend down in front of Luke. “No, honey. Nik is our friend.”
“But we live with him. Mila says you’re supposed to live with your dad.”
I struggle for the right words. “Not always.”
“He takes care of us. Mila says that’s what dads do.”
Suddenly, I’m less thrilled about this friendship.
“He does.”
Luke processes this. “So, he’s a dad.”
My throat tightens. “Do you want him to be?”
Luke thinks about it. “I like him,” he says finally.
“I like him, too,” I whisper.
“Can we stay here?” he asks.
How do I explain that it’s complicated? That I’m terrified of getting attached? That I’m still waiting for everything to fall apart? The poor child has moved more times than is fair.
“Let’s just see what happens, okay?” I say instead. “For now, he’s our friend. A very good friend.”
“Okay.” Luke seems satisfied with this answer. He returns to his snack.
I stand up, and my legs feel shaky again.
Kylie catches my eye and gives me a sympathetic smile. She doesn’t have to say anything. I can read the message clearly. You’re in deep.
Yeah. I am.
Luke finishes his snack, and we move upstairs to his room. He wants to play with his dinosaurs, and I’m happy to sit on the floor with him, building elaborate scenarios where the T. rex fights the triceratops for dominance.
We’re in the middle of a particularly dramatic battle when Kylie appears in the open doorway.
“Sorry to interrupt,” she says. “But someone left something on my car while I was at the store. It has your name on it.”
My stomach knots. “What?”
She holds out a photograph folded in half. “It was under the windshield wiper. No envelope. Just this.”
I take it with shaking hands. Luke is absorbed in his dinosaurs, not paying attention to us.
I unfold it.
My vision tunnels.
It’s an old photograph. My parents on my wedding day. My father is looking at something in the distance with a smug expression on his face. He’d just traded me for power, and he knew it.
The only people who would have this are my parents or someone from my dead husband’s family.
“Gabby?” Kylie’s voice is far away. “Are you okay?”
I can’t breathe. The edges of the photo blur as my hands shake harder.
They found me.
After five years of running. Five years of hiding. Five years of looking over my shoulder.
They found me.
“I need...” I can’t finish the sentence. “Luke, keep playing, okay? I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, Mom.”
I walk out of the room on legs that don’t feel like mine. Kylie follows me down the hall.
“Gabby, what’s wrong? What is that?”
“I need to make a phone call,” I manage. “Can you stay with Luke?”
“Of course.”
I go to my room and close the door. Lock it. Then I pull out my phone and call Greg. I’ve been dodging this conversation for too long. I hate keeping anything from him.
He answers immediately. “Gabby.”
“They found me.”
Silence.
“Are you sure?”
“Someone left a photo on my nanny’s car. A photo of my parents. From the wedding.”
“Nanny?”
I can’t tell him everything yet.
“I have a boyfriend,” I say instead. “A good guy. Wealthy. We’re living with him. He hired a nanny for Luke.”
Silence.
“He’s a good man, Greg. You know I wouldn’t allow anyone around Luke if I didn’t trust them. I was down on my luck. Homeless. He’s letting us stay with him.”
“Is it serious?” he asks.
“No. I don’t know.”
“Does he know who you are?”
“No. I don’t want to tell him yet.”
I wait for the interrogation. The only other time I had a boyfriend, Greg did a full background check on him. I cannot let him do that with Nik. The Nikolai he’d find on paper isn’t the man I know.
“Okay. Okay, listen to me.” His voice shifts into the calm, professional tone he uses in crises. “Where are you right now?”
“Home.”
“Are you alone?”
“Luke’s here.”
“Is it safe?”
“I don’t know. I thought it was. But if they know where I am, they’re coming.”
“Gabby, you need to run. Now. Pack a bag. Take Luke. Get out of there.”
“I can’t do this again,” I sob.
“Yes, you can. You’ve done it before. You know the drill. Go somewhere public. A mall. An airport. Somewhere with cameras and people. I’ll arrange a new identity. New location. We’ll start over.”
Start over.
Again.
Another name. Another city. Another life.
Luke would have to leave his dinosaur room. The routine he’s finally comfortable with. The therapy that’s helping him. Kylie, who understands him. Mila, who makes him laugh.
Nikolai.
I know how to disappear.
But I don’t know how to leave him.