17. Miller
Miller
After a week at Jeannie’s house, our lives had settled into a pattern. Collie and I did all the cooking and cleaning, and we tried to help out as much as we could with the three older kids, so Jeannie could focus on the baby, and so she could rest whenever possible.
Every day, I worked for a few hours while Scotty and Allie were in school, and again in the evening after they went to bed.
In between, I hung out with the kids and Collie.
Not that he needed my help looking after them.
He was an amazing uncle, kind, fun, and infinitely patient.
But the kids were pretty great, and I really liked spending time with them.
The little boy kept bringing me books and asking me to read to him. He was sweet and shy, and incredibly smart. His sister Allie was all of those things too, and a passionate artist.
She reminded me of myself as a kid, because she was quiet and introspective and constantly drawing. She thought I had the greatest job ever and was very curious about it. I started teaching her how to use the digital tablet, and we made time every afternoon to draw together.
Then there was the toddler, who was pure chaos.
Her grandmother picked her up and spent time with her every weekday, while her siblings were in school.
I’d been glad to see that Jeannie’s in-laws remained as supportive as they’d always been.
Their son might have all but abandoned his family, but they were very much Team Jeannie.
On Saturday after lunch, I paused at the kitchen sink and looked out the window.
Collie had spread out an old, faded quilt in the backyard, and he was surrounded by all three kids, the cat, a bunch of children’s books, and some art supplies.
The toddler had fallen asleep with her head on Collie’s ankle, and the two older kids and Collie were engrossed in some sort of art project.
I was overcome with love as I watched him. He was so sweet, and beautiful, and everything good in the world.
Could we have a future like this if we both stayed here in his hometown?
It was easy to imagine it, especially after this last week.
I could see us in a house a lot like this, with a couple of kids of our own.
I’d have to find a different job, and probably a different career, because I couldn’t telecommute indefinitely. But maybe we could be happy here…
Jeannie came into the kitchen and joined me at the sink. Her short hair was damp and spiky from a shower, and she said, as she placed a baby monitor on the counter, “I finally got Colleen down for a nap. It took forever.”
“You should take one, too.”
“I want to spend some time with my kids. I’m worried about them. I feel like they haven’t really processed the news that their father and I are getting a divorce, and that he moved away. When I told them, they just kind of went, ‘oh,’ and carried on like nothing had happened.”
“They’re probably processing it in their own way, and I’m sure they’re going to be alright. Kids are resilient.”
“I hope so.”
We both watched the little group out in the yard. After a moment, I told her, “I found myself wondering if Collie and I could have a future here.”
“No way. You need to take him back to San Francisco.” She turned to me and said, “I know it must seem pretty idyllic since you’ve barely left the house this past week, but you don’t know what it was like for Collie when he lived here.
He was constantly singled out, teased, and bullied, even as an adult.
It was toxic. Not that everyone who lives here is like that, obviously, but it happened way too often.
He kept his head up and kept being his amazing self, but it broke my heart watching him endure that crap. ”
“That’s terrible.”
“It was. But besides that, he needs to live in a big city, someplace with job opportunities, and an art scene, and diversity. Someplace where he’s not the entire LGBT community, all on his own.”
“I totally agree. But you’re his family, and he loves you. I can see why he wants to be here for you and your kids.”
“I love him too, and that’s why I want to see him living his best life in San Francisco,” she said.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m incredibly grateful that both of you came to help me, but Collie already spent almost a decade taking care of his aunt.
It’s his turn now. He needs to prioritize himself for once, instead of worrying about me and my children. ”
“Have you told him that?”
“Yeah, several times, but he just keeps telling me I’m terrible at accepting help. That might be true, but I don’t want him to make a huge sacrifice for me.”
We both turned back to the window. Collie, Scotty, and Allie had been making masks for Halloween, and as they put them on and started laughing, I asked, “What about you, Jeannie? Do you think you’ll always live here?”
“Whenever I talked about moving, Brad always shut me down. He claimed he wanted to live here forever, but then he up and moved to Seattle with his side piece. Make it make sense.”
“Well, there’s a silver lining to splitting up—you can do whatever you want now. There’s no need to consult anyone or make any compromises.”
“That’s true. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to start over somewhere else though, especially with four little kids.”
“I know you could do it. After watching you in action this past week, handling everything with so much grace, I’m totally convinced you can do anything,” I said. “I’m sure Collie would agree with me. He calls you the strongest person he’s ever met.”
“Speaking of Collie, he looks tired. It’s only been five weeks since his surgery, and he’s definitely been overdoing it.
His doctor hasn’t even signed off on him driving or lifting more than ten pounds yet.
And by the way, that’s another reason you need to take him back to San Francisco. He’s missing all of his checkups.”
“You’re right. He keeps saying he’s going to find a doctor here and have his records transferred, but he hasn’t done that yet.”
“I’m going to tell him to get some rest,” Jeannie said, as she picked up the baby monitor and headed for the kitchen door. “If he comes in here and tries to start working on something, stop him and make him go lie down.”
“I’ll do my best.”
When she joined her family on the blanket, Scotty and Allie excitedly showed her the masks they’d made. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I could tell by Jeannie’s big smile and animated expression that she was gushing over them, much to her kids’ delight.
It warmed my heart to watch them. Jeannie was a great mom, and she and her children clearly adored each other. It sucked that Brad had all but abandoned them, and they had to be hurting, but I really believed they were going to be just fine in the long run.
Jeannie and Collie had a short conversation, and then he picked up the cat and brought her inside.
He was wearing a sparkly black cat mask, which was very cute, and probably a tribute to Kate.
“I’ve been ordered to take a nap,” he told me, “but I’ll only go to bed if you come along and cuddle with me.
” He put the mask on the table and took off the cat’s harness, and she jumped onto a kitchen chair and glared at me for literally no reason.
“Like I’d ever say no to that.”
We went upstairs, and once we locked the guest room door behind us, Collie grabbed my hand and towed me to the bed. Both of us kicked off our shoes, and he playfully pushed me onto the mattress and climbed on top of me.
He was wearing my favorite sweater, the one with a little pink heart on the chest. I liked it because it was soft to the touch, and because it was slightly cropped, exposing a tantalizing inch or two of skin above his waistband.
I slid my hands under the sweater and up his back as he dotted kisses along my jaw.
When his lips met mine, a rush of desire shot through me. He deepened the kiss, but then he left me wanting more as he tilted his head and lightly bit my earlobe.
He sat up and tossed his hair to one side, and I ran my hands up his thighs as I murmured, “You’re incredibly sexy.”
“I never felt sexy,” he said, as he traced my lower lip with his fingertip, “but somehow, you make me believe it.”
Collie’s hair brushed my cheek as he leaned in for another kiss. My heart was racing, and my entire body responded as he slipped his tongue between my lips.
I was absolutely aching for him by this point.
He rocked his hips, rubbing his cock against mine through our clothes.
I desperately wanted to strip him naked and caress and lick and kiss every inch of him.
I wanted Collie more than I’d ever wanted anyone in my entire life, but we couldn’t do this. Not now.
It took every shred of self-control I could muster, but I managed to say, “We have to stop.”
He mumbled, “We really don’t,” before licking my neck.
I took a ragged breath and reminded him, “Your doctor hasn’t told you it’s okay to have sex yet.”
“Technically, no,” he murmured, as he nuzzled me, “but I’m sure she would have cleared me if I’d made it to my last appointment.”
My head was spinning, but I had to hold firm for his sake. “I doubt it. After open-heart surgery you’re supposed to abstain from sex for six to eight weeks.”
“Why do you know that?”
“Because I looked it up.”
“See?” He sat up and exclaimed, “You want to do this as much as I do!”
“Of course, but we can’t. Not yet.”
Collie climbed off of me, and I sat up as he said, “I know my sternum is still healing, and it’s a little achy, so you probably shouldn’t pound me into the mattress. But what about a blow job?”
“The restriction applies to sex in general, not just fucking.”
He frowned at that. “You’re being way too cautious.”