18. Collie
Collie
We ended up staying with Jeannie for two weeks.
The morning we were set to go back home, her in-laws picked up Scotty, Allie, and Maddy to take them to the park.
It broke my heart all over again to say goodbye to those amazing kids, although as Jeannie pointed out, “You know it’s not actually goodbye.
It’s not like you’re moving to Mars. We’re going to visit, and video chat, and all of that good stuff. ”
I dried my eyes with the cuff of my hoodie and said, “You’re right. I just love the hell out of those little people, and I’m going to miss them.”
“I know. They love you too, and they’re just as crazy about their Uncle Millie.”
Miller was sitting beside us on the front porch, and he shot Jeannie a look and said, “I thought we talked about that nickname.”
“You talked. I pretended to listen.” He sighed, and the sleeping baby shifted against his chest as Jeannie teased, “You know you love it. I saw you light up when little Maddy called you that.”
“It was cute coming from a toddler.”
“It’s cute in general, and in this family we all have nicknames. Get used to it.”
Miller got up and tried to frown, but he couldn’t quite manage to hide his grin. He loved being a part of this family. It was obvious. “I’m going to finish loading the van,” he said, “because we’ll need to get going soon.”
I asked, “Can I help?”
“Definitely not. Don’t make me remind you yet again that you’re not supposed to lift anything over ten pounds.”
I smiled at him and said, “The baby weighs less than ten pounds. Gimme.”
I draped a flannel baby blanket over my shoulder, and Miller carefully shifted the sleeping infant from his chest to mine. She was soft and warm, and she had that wonderful new baby smell.
After Miller went inside, Jeannie told me, “I’m going to miss you like crazy, but it’s such a good thing that you’re going back to San Francisco. It’s where you’re meant to be, and you and Miller belong together.”
“I’m madly in love with him, Jeannie.”
“I know, and he totally adores you. For the record, I knew you loved each other way before you two finally got around to admitting it.”
“You did?”
“It was so obvious.”
“I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
Jeannie reached over and squeezed my hand. “Maybe Miller is the universe’s way of balancing out the bad things that happened in your life. That was a whole lot of terrible, but now here’s someone truly amazing to make up for it.”
“He really is amazing, isn’t he?”
“For sure. I’ve been watching him with you, and with the kids, and even with your obnoxious cat. He’s been nothing but kind and patient, and he has so much love to give. He’s exactly what I always wanted for you.”
“Speaking of great guys, do you think there might be a future for you and Dwight? Because he’s incredibly sweet, not to mention smoking hot.”
A blush colored her cheeks as she grinned and said, “He’s pretty great, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him.
But I’m two weeks out of a decade-long relationship, so he knows I need to take this super slow.
He’s good with that, and with just being friends until I’m ready for it to turn into something more. In fact…”
“What?”
“We were talking on the phone last night after the kids went to bed. I told him I’m thinking about moving to Albuquerque to be closer to my parents and sister, and he said he’d been considering a move to a bigger city. He asked me what I thought about him moving there, too.”
“Oh, wow! Would you two move in together?”
“No. It’s way too soon for something like that. He’d get an apartment nearby, and we’d keep doing whatever it is that we’re doing.”
“Building an amazing friendship that’ll probably turn into the greatest love of your life. That’s what you’re doing.”
“Yeah,” she said softly, “that might be exactly what this is.”
“And I love the idea of Albuquerque! I know how much you’ve been missing your family.”
“I have, and I’m ready for a fresh start.
It’s kind of scary to think about leaving here, since I’ve lived in this house literally all my life.
It’s almost like a security blanket. But when I was talking to Miller about all the things that were good about San Francisco, and all the things I wanted for you, I realized I want that stuff for myself and my kids, too—job opportunities, and art, and diversity, and just more of everything.
Also, I want to live someplace where the culinary scene doesn’t begin and end with a place called the Chicken Bucket. ”
I chuckled and said, “For real, though.” Then I asked, “Have you talked to your parents about this yet?”
“Yeah, briefly. I called them last night, and my dad said they’d do everything they could to help me with the move, including selling this place and using the money to buy a house in New Mexico for me and the kids.”
“So, there’s nothing stopping you.”
“Nothing but fear, and that’s not enough of a reason to stay put.
” She shifted a bit so she was facing me and said, “You’re my inspiration, Collie.
I know you were terrified to leave home and move to a city you’d never been to, where you didn’t know a soul, but you did it anyway.
I’m not even doing that. I’m moving to be with my family, in a city I’ve visited several times and know I like, and it’s still scary.
You’re a freaking rock star for doing what you did. ”
I grinned at the compliment and said, “It sounds like you’re really doing this.”
“Yeah, I think I am.”
I squeezed her hand and told her, “I’m proud of you, Jean-Jeannie.”
That made her smile. “Thanks. That means a lot.”
“You know who’s going to be really bummed, though?”
“My in-laws. But here’s the thing—my father-in-law retired last year, and they keep talking about selling their big house and downsizing. I don’t think it would take much to convince them to move to New Mexico, so they can be close to their only grandkids.”
“I love that. It’s like you’re leading the great southern migration, with U-Hauls instead of covered wagons.”
“The more we talk about this, the more it seems real.”
“Good, then let’s keep talking about it. I’m really excited for you!”
“I checked by the way, and it’s about a thousand miles from Albuquerque to San Francisco. That’s a pretty long drive, but it’s less than a three-hour flight. Wherever we end up living, I’m going to make sure it has a guest room for you and Miller.”
“Good, because we’ll be visiting often. No question. And you know our door is always open for you and the kids in San Francisco.”
“I’m definitely going to visit,” she said. “But I’m going to wait until that one is just a little bit bigger.” Colleen was half awake and blinking her big, blue eyes, so I kissed the top of her head and handed her to her mama.
Jeannie got up and told me, “Let’s go see how your husband is doing. I know he’s eager to get you home, so he can have you all to himself.”
Twenty minutes later, after tears and hugs and promises to talk soon, I said goodbye to Jeannie and climbed into the van. Then she gave Miller a big hug and made him promise to take good care of me. “You know I will,” he said.
She smiled at him and nodded. “I do know that.”
As we drove off, I hung out of the window and waved until she was out of sight. Then I looked around and murmured, “This is probably the last time I’ll ever see this place.”
Miller asked, “What makes you say that?”
“Jeannie’s talking about joining her parents and sister in New Mexico. If she moves away, there’ll be no reason to come back here.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m thrilled for Jeannie. It’s exactly what she needs. But it feels strange to think I’m leaving for good this time. It feels so… final. That’s okay, though. Sometimes the best thing we can do with the past is let go of it.”
Miller followed the same route we’d taken when we first arrived and drove me past all of my “landmarks” one last time. It was bittersweet, but it also showed me how much my life had changed.
When I’d left the first time, I’d been terrified. I was headed toward a total unknown—a huge, intimidating city I’d never even visited, where I didn’t know a soul. Now I was going home, to the wonderful life I was building with the man I loved.
I shifted around to face him, as much as I could with the seat belt on, and said, “I want you to know I’m going to take such good care of you Miller, now and forever.”
He grinned and asked, “What brought that on?”
“I was just thinking about how much you’ve done for me, and I wanted to tell you it’s a two-way street. I’m here for you, just like you’ve always been there for me.”
He reached over and squeezed my knee. “I know you are.”
After a pause, I asked, “Why did you do all of that for me when we first met? It was so much, but we barely knew each other.”
“It’s because you needed me, Collie, and I needed you just as much.
Imagine a plant living in darkness that finally saw the sun.
Every part of me reached for you, and craved you, and needed you desperately.
I’d been trying to convince myself I was done with relationships, because I was afraid of getting hurt again.
But right from the start, I knew I couldn’t live without you. ”
I teased, “A plant, huh?”
Miller grinned embarrassedly. “It’s a good analogy!”
“It is, and I appreciate the fact you’re willing to say such sappy things to me.” We were on the outskirts of town by now, and I said, “Hey, pull over for a second.”
He did as I asked, and I took a pen and a pad of sticky notes out of my pocket. I wrote a number, peeled the note off the stack, and jumped out of the van. Then I darted across the empty country road and stuck the little hot pink square on the bottom right corner of the “Welcome to Hickson” sign.
I returned to the van and fastened my seatbelt as I explained, “I fixed the number that shows the town’s population. I know that sticker will blow away eventually, but for today I wanted it to show that I left, and I’m not coming back.”
“Well done.”
“Thank you.”
Miller leaned over and kissed me, and then he tucked my hair behind my ear and asked, “Are you ready to go home?”
“Absolutely.”
We decided to drive straight through in one day, with only a couple of quick stops for meals and gas. Both of us were totally ready to be home.
It was close to midnight when we finally reached our destination. Miller hopped out and opened the garage door before pulling the van in behind his little convertible. I warned, “You’re getting too close to your car’s bumper.”
“It’s fine. I need to make sure the garage door will close behind us, but I’m not going to hit it.”
A moment later, he bumped the convertible, and the front of the van lurched up a few inches before dropping down again. I grabbed the cat, and the three of us climbed out of the van and stared at the bumpers. “They’re hooked together again,” I said.
“Yup.” He kissed my forehead and scratched the top of the cat’s head before saying, “You know, it’s actually kind of cool when you think about it. They couldn’t be more different, but somehow my car and your van fit together perfectly, like they were made to do exactly that.”
“Is this another analogy, like that plant thing earlier? Do they symbolize you and me, and the way we’re a perfect fit, despite being so different?”
He took my hand, grinning as he told me, “You said it. Not me.”
After he closed the garage and unlocked the door to the kitchen, he scooped me into his arms. I asked, “Are you carrying me across the threshold?”
“It would have made more sense if we were coming in through the front door, but yes.”
“You’re a little late. We got married a few weeks ago.”
“Right, but it was a marriage on paper then. Now it’s not.”
As he stepped inside, I said, “You’re carrying me across the threshold, and I’m carrying the cat across the threshold.”
“And now you’ve made it weird.”
“I’m good at that.”
At the top of the stairs, he put me down, and I put the cat down. Then Miller kissed me and said, “Welcome home, Collie.”
I wrapped my arms around him and murmured, “There’s no place in the world I’d rather be.”