Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
CALLUM/CASH
Now
Beautiful Hero & Delicate Denials
The moment she breathes wrong, nothing else matters.
“Stay with me, Lily. I’m close to your place.” My pulse is already racing. “Keep talking to me, love. Focus on my voice.”
Her breathing comes in short, jagged gasps through the phone. “I can’t... Callum, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You’ve done this before. We’ve gotten through this before.” I curse under my breath.
My car is in the shop. After I dropped her off last night, it broke down. I spent three hours trying to get someone I trust to pick it up and get me a rental. I’m in a loaner. It’s some electric thing my assistant insisted I take.
“Lily, listen to me. Count backward from ten. Can you do that?”
“I... I don’t…”
“Start with ten, Livianna. Just ten.”
“Ten.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
I jam my foot on the pedal. “Good. Now nine.”
“Nine.”
The tires squeal as I speed down the street. The car has no lag, just pure acceleration.
“Eight, Lily. Give me eight.”
Silence, then a choked sound that makes my blood freeze.
“Livianna! Stay with me!”
“Eight.” The word comes out broken. “I can’t...see straight.”
“You’re okay. I promise you’re gonna be fine.” I come to a stop sign and check for traffic. Empty. I floor it and blow right through. “What’s the gate code? I need to get in.”
It takes her a few moments to rattle off four numbers. I repeat them back, committing them to memory as I weave through traffic. The electric car is faster than I expect, silent and deadly quick.
“Seven, Lily. Count with me. Seven.”
Nothing.
“Livianna!” My hands grip the steering wheel as my heart pounds wildly in my chest. “Baby, please. Seven.”
A sob tears through the line. “Seven.”
“That’s it. That’s my girl.” I run a red light, praying no cops are nearby. One more mile. “Six. Give me six.”
Her breathing is getting worse. It’s too fast and shallow. She’s hyperventilating.
“Lily, can you get to your anxiety medication?”
“No… I don’t take it…anymore.”
Why the fuck wouldn’t she keep that on hand?
“Lily, listen to me. Put your head between your knees. Right now.”
There’s a scuff that comes through the line, then a crash like something falling. My heart stops.
“Livianna!”
Static. Then her voice, distant and fading. “I’m...trying.”
“One more mile, love. I’m almost there.” The scenery blurs past. I’m close. “Stay on the phone with me. Don’t hang up.”
No response.
“Lily!”
The line grows eerily quiet except for little gasps. She’s still there. She has to be there.
I screech around the corner, spotting the gate guard. I check in with the security guy, and he lets me into her direct neighborhood.
“Livianna, I’m almost there.” I turn onto her street and speed up to her gate.
I fumble with the keypad as I punch in the code she gave me. The gate slides open with agonizing slowness.
“Come on. Fucking hell, come on.”
The second there’s enough space, I gun it through, barely missing the wrought iron. Her house sits at the end of the driveway, the front door closed. Everything in its perfect place. I jam the car into park and bolt from the driver’s seat, phone still pressed to my ear.
“Lily, I’m here. I’m coming in.”
Nothing.
The front door is unlocked. I burst through, scanning the area frantically.
And there she is.
Collapsed on the floor near the entryway. Her phone is a few feet away from her outstretched hand, and her body is limp and frail.
“Fuck!” I drop to my knees beside her, my hands going to her face. “Lily. Livianna, baby, wake up.”
Her skin is pale and clammy. Her chest rises and falls too fast and shallow. She’s breathing, but she’s not conscious.
I check her pulse. It’s racing, but strong.
“Come on, love. Come back to me.” I gather her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
Her eyelids flutter, but don’t open. A small whimper escapes her lips.
“That’s it. I’m right here.” I brush the hair back from her face, feeling the dampness of sweat at her temples. “You’re okay. Just breathe.”
I need to get her comfortable, raise her blood sugar, and make sure she’s actually okay. But first, I just hold her. Terror slowly drains from my limbs as her breathing starts to even out.
Whatever sent her into this panic attack, we’ll figure it out. Together. Just like I promised.
Her eyes open slowly, unfocused and glossy. For a moment, she just stares at me as if she doesn’t recognize where she is or who I am.
“Lily?” I keep my voice gentle and steady. “You with me?”
She blinks. Once. Twice. Then her hand comes up to her forehead, pressing against her temple like she’s trying to hold her head together.
“Callum?”
“Yeah, love. I’m here.” I shift slightly, adjusting her weight in my arms. “You passed out. How do you feel?”
She tries to sit up, but I keep her in my arms. “Wait. Just give yourself a second.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You just had a full-blown panic attack and blacked out on your floor.” I study her face, checking for signs of anything worse. Her color is coming back, but barely. “I’m taking you to the doctor.”
“No!” She jerks and tries to break out of my grasp.
I tighten my grip. “Lily—”
“No doctors.” She pushes against my chest, trying to create distance. “I don’t need one, and you know it.”
“You passed out.”
“I had a panic attack. That’s all.” She finally manages to pull away from me, scooting back until her shoulders hit the wall. “You know I’ve had them before. This is nothing new.”
I rest on my heels, giving her space but staying close enough to help if she needs me again. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get checked out. What if something else is wrong?”
“Nothing else is wrong.” Her jaw sets in that stubborn line I know too well. “I just got overwhelmed. It happens.”
“It shouldn’t happen like this.” I gesture toward the floor where she was lying unconscious thirty seconds ago. “Lily, you scared the hell out of me.”
“I’m sorry.” She wraps her arms around herself, suddenly small and fragile. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just needed someone. You were on the phone, and I knew you could help me.”
The admission does something to me. It softens the edges of my terror.
“I’m glad I was here for you.” I sit down properly, crossing my legs so I’m at her level. “But love, if you’re having panic attacks this bad, you need to see someone. Get back on medication, talk to a therapist—”
“I said no doctors.” Her voice rises, sharp with a tinge of hysteria. “I don’t need medication. I don’t need therapy. They don’t work for me.”
She huffs and turns her face away.
“Then what should I do?” I lean forward, trying to catch her eye. “What do you need?”
She shakes her head and presses her palms against her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Okay.” I take a breath, forcing myself to stay calm even though everything in me wants to scoop her up and drive her to the nearest emergency room. “Okay. No doctors. But Lily, let me take care of you for a while. At least until I know you’re stable.”
“I’m fine.”
“You passed out five minutes ago.”
“Because I hyperventilated. That’s normal with panic attacks.”
“I’m not gonna drop this.” I run my hands through my hair, frustration bleeding into my voice. “What triggered this? What happened?”
Her eyes go wide for a fraction of a second. Fear flashes across her face so fast I almost miss it.
“Lily? Talk to me, please.”
“It’s probably because I haven’t eaten today.” She rises, using the wall for support. Her legs wobble, but she stays upright. “I was just stressed about last night, and my appetite escaped me.”
I get to my feet, observing her. “So this is about us?”
“Not just us. It’s about everything.” She ambles toward the kitchen, one hand trailing along the wall like she doesn’t quite trust her balance yet. “The club, Zara, Sebastian, the media, and a ton of work that has to be done. It all just built up.”
“That’s understandable.” I follow her, staying close enough to catch her if she falls. “Lily, you can’t just ignore this. If stress is hitting you this hard—”
“I’m not ignoring it.” She reaches the kitchen and grabs a glass from the cupboard. Her hands shake as she fills it with water from the tap. “I’m dealing with it.”
“By having a panic attack and passing out?”
She drinks half the water in one go, then sets the glass down harder than necessary. “What do you want me to say, Callum? That I’m a mess and don’t have my shit together? Fine. I’m a mess. Are you happy now?”
“That’s not what I…” I stop to regroup. Getting into a fight with her right now won’t help anything. “I’m not trying to come down on you. I’m just worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be.” She refills the glass. “I can handle myself.”
“I know you can, but you don’t have to do everything alone.” I shift closer, careful not to crowd her. “Let me help. Please.”
“I don’t know how.” She stares at the floor. “I don’t know how to trust anyone right now.”
“Then let me show you.” I reach out, giving her time to pull away. When she doesn’t, I take the water from her hands and set it on the counter. “First step is sitting down so you can regain some of your strength.”
She lets me guide her to one of the kitchen chairs. Once she’s seated, I kneel in front of her. My hands rest on her knees.
“Second step is telling me what you need right now. Water? Food? Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” The word comes out fast, almost panicked. “Don’t leave me alone. I just need…you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, but you need to eat something. When’s the last time you had food?”
She seems to think about it. “Yesterday. Sometime in the afternoon.”
“Lily, you can’t go that long without eating. It’s not good for you.”
“I know.” She glances away. “I haven’t been hungry.”
I stand and head for her refrigerator. “Doesn’t matter. You need to eat.”
“Callum—”