Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
CALLUM/CASH
Now
The Space I Can’t Control
Just when I started smiling again…
Ipace in one of the writing rooms at Riot King Records recording studio with my bandmates lounging on the huge sectional couch. “If we can link these lyrics together, I can get out of here.”
Bren rests his elbows on his knees. “Cash, you’ve been on edge since lunchtime. We’ve been stuck ever since.”
“Yeah, so?” I stop and lift the sheet music to run over the words again. “I just need—”
“To tell us what changed.” Cooper stands and rips the page out of my hand. “One thing all of us have learned from working with you over the years is that when you spiral, your brain doesn’t function properly.”
I try to take the paper back. “Give that back.”
“Not until you sit and tell us what’s eating at you.” Cooper turns and hands the song sheet to Bren.
As usual, Hawke rests back and pretends to be relaxing. He’s not, but he’ll do anything to avoid band conflict.
I growl and roll my eyes. “You guys can be such dicks sometimes.”
“Yeah, and so can you.” Bren places the paper on a side table. “You’ve got everything you want, so what the fuck is wrong with you?”
I scan over the guys. By their demeanor, I know they won’t drop this. I slide onto the piano bench and paw at the keys.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I have Livianna back, we’re living together, and growing closer every day.
But the truth is, every moment with her feels like borrowed time. Like I’m stealing something that doesn’t belong to me while the real owner waits in the wings.
“Fuck it.” I swing my legs around and face the guys. “Livianna is back at work today.”
“Okay.” Bren leans forward. “And that’s a problem because...?”
“Because Jaxon’s helping her.” I throw my hands up. “He’s spending the day walking her through everything she can’t remember about her business.”
“Jaxon Crowne?” Hawke sits forward.
“Yeah, that Jaxon.” My stomach twists. “He mentored her. Helped her build Lehlani Rose from the ground up. He knows more about her company than anyone.”
“Including you.” Cooper’s observation lands like a stone.
“Yeah, including me.” I turn back to the piano, my fingers finding a restless rhythm. “She trusts him and she’s relying on him. And I’m sitting here like an idiot while he gets to be the one helping her piece her life back together.”
“So, you’re jealous.” Bren’s tone isn’t mocking, just matter-of-fact.
“I’m not—” I stop. Fucking hell. “Yeah, I’m jealous. Is that what you wanna hear?”
“We want to hear the truth.” Cooper gestures to my phone sitting on the coffee table. “You’ve been texting her every hour like you’re afraid she’ll disappear if you stop.”
“Because she might.” The admission burns my throat. “She’s dealing with amnesia. How am I supposed to just be normal when she’s forgotten so much, and this other guy is with her constantly?”
“Some other guy who’s her business mentor,” Hawke points out. “He’s not her boyfriend. You are.”
The word boyfriend sits wrong. I’m her boyfriend now, yeah. But three weeks ago, I wasn’t.
Three weeks ago, she was in love with Jaxon, and I can’t tell them that. I can’t risk anyone knowing, because if it slips—if someone says the wrong thing around her—
“Cash, you’re spiraling again.” Bren stands and crosses to me. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop.”
“Easy for you to say, Guns.” I glare up at the ceiling, wishing this unease would go away.
“And it can be for you if you would quit obsessing over things that don’t fucking matter.” Bren flicks the side of my head. “She loves you, bro. Enjoy it. Fucking celebrate it. Don’t shit all over it like you’re losing her again.”
“Look, we get it, Cash.” Hawke slides his arm over the back of the couch. “Your girl had a traumatic accident and lost her memory. That’s terrifying. But you’re acting like you’re about to lose her, and from what I can see, she’s all in on you.”
“For now.” I turn back to the piano keys and try to come up with something that could steal my attention away from Livianna and pull me into the depths of creativity where time flies.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bren sits next to me and pushes me away from working on a melody.
I shake my head because I can’t go there. I can’t explain that I’m living in half-truths, that every kiss, touch, and whispered “I love you” is built on a foundation of missing memories.
“It means I’m scared, all right?” I slide off the piano bench. “She can’t remember the last five years. What if she remembers and decides she doesn’t want this? What if she doesn’t want me?”
“Then you deal with it.” Bren’s voice is firm but not unkind. “But torturing yourself with what-ifs isn’t helping anyone. Especially not her.”
“He’s right.” Hawke taps his palm over his heart. “You’ve got to trust what you’re building with her now. Stop worrying about what she might remember.”
If only they knew how impossible that was. My phone buzzes on the coffee table. All four of us glance at it. I lunge for it, my heart already hammering before I even see the screen.
Lily: Hi, sexy. What do you know about my close friend, Quinn?
Not enough. This will just be one more thing that shows her I don’t know much about her life anymore.
“Cash?” Bren’s voice cuts through my frustration. “What’s wrong?”
I stare at the text, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. Quinn. What the hell can I tell Livianna about a woman I met once?
“Nothing.” I drag my teeth over my bottom lip as I try to find some piece of information I can give her. “It’s just Lily asking me something.”
“About what?” Hawke stands, stretching his arms above his head.
“Her friend Quinn. She wants to know about her, but I don’t know anything other than she’s blonde, good-looking, and turned down Guns.” I flash him a smirk to lighten the mood.
He flips me off. “If you weren’t such a dick, I’d help you out.”
“Come on, mate. Just tell me something to help Livianna. Everyone thinks she’s only dealing with short-term memory loss. I don’t wanna let her down and not help.” I give him a pleading stare.
“Fine, but you owe me.” Bren takes my phone out of my hands and types something.
He returns it to me and struts back to the couch. I read his message.
Me: You met her at a wedding when you moved back from Paris. She’s been your ally ever since. She’s a big-time investment banker who works for Jaxon. And she’s secretly in love with your brother.
I raise my head and laugh. “You’re delusional. I spent a short time with the woman, and even I know that last part is bullshit.”
“I said you owed me, and I’m cashing in.” He shrugs. “Quinn wants me; she just doesn’t know it. If Livianna thinks she can play matchmaker for me, she will. She’ll do anything to make me happy.”
“Whatever.” I hit send and pocket my phone, a weight lifting off my shoulders. “The truth is, Livianna and I are growing closer every day, and that has to count for something.”
The guys are right. I need to stop drowning in what-ifs and start living in the reality I’ve been given.
“Better?” Cooper juts out his chin.
“Yeah, actually I am.” I drop back onto the piano bench and let my fingers run along the keys.
“Good, because we need you present.” Bren picks up the sheet music he confiscated earlier. “This album isn’t gonna write itself.”
“You say that as if I don’t know that.” I play a few more bars, and for the first time today, the music flows naturally. “What if we bridge the chorus like this?”
The melody shifts, building into something that feels right. The guys gather around the piano, and Hawke starts humming harmony.
“That’s it.” Cooper grins. “That’s what we’ve been missing.”
We work through the next hour without interruption, and I realize this is exactly what I needed. The distraction. The creativity. The reminder that life exists beyond my anxiety about Livianna’s memories.
My phone stays silent in my pocket, and I don’t check it. She’s at work. She’s fine. Quinn’s there, and yeah, that’s awkward, but Livianna can handle it. She’s always been strong.
“You good now?” Bren hands me a water bottle. “Back from whatever ledge you were standing on?”
“Getting there.” I lean against the wall. “I need to get it through my head: Livianna and I are together. I don’t think it’ll change if she remembers something down the line.”
“Damn straight.” Hawke takes a drink. “She chose you, bro. Before the accident and after it. That means something.”
Before the accident. The words sting because they’re not entirely true, but I shove that thought down.
What matters is that she chose me in the hospital. She chose me when she woke up. She chose me last night when she pulled me into bed and made love to me. And those are the things I need to concentrate on.
“Yeah, it does.” I twist the cap off the bottle. “I’m falling in love with her all over again, and I keep forgetting to actually enjoy it.”
“Then stop forgetting.” Cooper claps me on the shoulder. “Life’s too short to waste time being miserable when you’ve got everything you want.”
He’s not wrong. I have Livianna back. We’re living together. She loves me and she wants me.
Whatever happened three weeks ago is buried under the weight of her amnesia, and maybe that’s exactly where it should stay. Maybe fate gave me this second chance for a reason.
“All right.” I push off the wall and head back to the piano. “Let’s finish this song so I can get out of here and pick up my girl.”
“Now that's the Cash we know.” Bren picks up a guitar and starts strumming. “Lovesick and insufferable.”
“Fuck off, Guns.” I chuckle. “Or maybe I should tell you about what I did to your sister last night.”
“You’re such a prick.” He rolls his eyes. “I’m sure you had a great time, but I don’t wanna know anything about what you two do in bed.”
We dive back into the music, and this time, when my phone buzzes, I don’t lunge for it. I let it sit in my pocket while I focus on creating something meaningful.