Chapter 69
"Sana, I love you."
A trill of joy flourished through Sana's body as she crumpled into tears of elation mixed and gnarled with anguish. Her world had twisted upside down and Rhyel's confession and proclamation of love made her fall into pieces.
"I'm sorry," Rhyel whispered, pulling her into the comfort and security of his arms as she sobbed against his chest. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He murmured in her hair. "But I had to tell you the truth."
"N-no." she sobbed, curling her hands in his shirt. "I'm...I'm glad you did. It's just that I...I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know h-how...how to l-love you back."
"You don't have to," he said, massaging the base of her neck while he hooked his arm under her knees and cradled her over his lap. "And you are who you've always been," he whispered against her head. "I know this has been a lot to take in, but I'll help you with everything. I promise."
And he will because he's our dragon.
Sana's phoenix hummed.
Between her gentle trills and Rhyel's comforting heartbeat, her sobs subsided into quiet whimpers.
She thought her life had already had its dramatic change when she was sent to Darcanos.
She thought the biggest thing that was ever going to happen to her was the knowledge that her family had no power over her.
Molding herself against Rhyel as her tears continued to fall, she didn't know how to handle all of this new information.
Her emotions were all over the place after Dante and Sune explained how her mother conceived her, that she wasn't a child of her father like she'd always believed and she was possibly the only living phoenix of the Zarathos coven—or any coven.
That, coupled with Rhyel's confession of the future he lived through. The guilt he'd been living with for things he hadn't done and his willingness to change so he'd never make those same mistakes, weighed on her mind like a heavy bag of stones.
Sleep, Sana. Quiet your mind.
Her phoenix whispered.
You and I need to talk.
She wasn't sure how to quiet her tumultuous thoughts, but a wave of exhaustion rolled over her as her limbs grew weak, her body sagged against Rhyel and she wondered just how much power her phoenix had over her as she drifted into a comforting darkness.
I'm not as powerful as I once was.
A small plume of fire appeared in the ether that she floated in and swirled around her. Reaching out, Sana grazed the warm flame that pulsed against her fingertips. "What do you mean?"
Our mother kept me asleep inside of you until you were ready for me to awaken. That is why I'm just a flame. I'm what all phoenixes are who are conceived as we were.
The flame hovered on her fingertips.
"Without a father?"
Yes, being conceived in this way is not something any phoenix does unless she truly has to or wants to.
Sana frowned. "Why?"
Because an Erius phoenix is born for two purposes...
The flame walked along her fingertips.
To become the matriarch of a coven or to preserve a dying coven.
Sana's heart sank. "Does that mean the Zarathos are gone?"
I'm not sure. Like the souls of dragons, phoenixes live many lives over time, but most of my memories are weak and clouded since I've been lying dormant for so long.
"Will your memories come back?"
Of course, but that all depends on you. Do you wish to embrace who you are—who we are?
Sana pondered that as they floated in the darkness. Did she want to become a phoenix? She always wanted to fly, to have gifts and abilities, but this wasn't the same as the gifts and abilities of a Lightbourne—because that wasn't who she was.
She was a Zarathos and her gift would usher in death and destruction to the realm. Could she truly embrace that and be the cause of so much pain?
That future will come whether you embrace who we are, or not.
The flame trilled and grew brighter in her palm.
We will be hunted for the gift our blood can bring, regardless of what you choose.
"Then there really isn't a choice," Sana said, cupping her flame.
"I don't want our mother's sacrifice to be in vain and I don't want the future Rhyel has seen come to fruition.
" Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as his grief stricken face projected in the ether around her.
"I don't want to die in his arms or the realm to perish.
I want this life with him and I want to protect the people I care about. "
Then let us become one, Sana.
The flame spread over her arms, enveloping her in a cocoon of fire.
It will take time and we will need our dragon to guide us, but we have his love and that has always been the greatest power of all.
Sana's heart clenched. "But I... I don't know how to love." She wrapped her arms around herself as if she were hugging her flame. "You can see my memories. You know my life. How am I supposed to love someone? When all I've known how to be is worthless and unworthy of love."
Our life hasn't been easy, nor has it been full of love, but that doesn't mean we aren't worthy of it.
The fire caressed her cheeks, drying her tears as if to soothe the anguish coursing through her.
We are more than what our faux father has deemed us to be and it's time you let go of that. We can't grow to our full potential as a Zarathos Erius unless you can find it in yourself to love who we are, Sana.
She held herself tighter. "But how do I do that?"
You've already started to or else I wouldn't have awakened. We have everything we need to become who we're meant to be and becoming closer to our dragon will help us.
Sana nodded. "I think...I should talk to him."
Yes, you should, but let me share with you what little I do remember of our coven. You need to see how our family once lived in harmony with our dragons.
Her phoenix's flames engulfing her spread throughout the black abyss in a blinding light until Sana was standing in the center of a hollowed out cave with the view of the ocean crashing against the jagged shore.
Men and women with deep brown skin, fiery red hair and bright violet eyes walked among her. Some with their vibrant red, purple and gold tipped wings dragging along the jagged rocks as they carried food to a steaming black cauldron.
Looking up, a smile tugged at Sana's lips at the colorful butterflies that fluttered among the wildflowers that blanketed the walkways and carpeted the various dwellings carved into the cave while the families with small children took their first flights from the higher ledges.
Warmth spread over her as she watched the children flying with their parents as they flew over the sparkling blue ocean under the watchful eyes of the black scaled dragons hovering in the sky around them.
Could this have been her life if her mother stayed with her coven? Would she have grown up within this cave that felt full of light and love?
The people bustling around her stopped what they were doing and bowed their heads as a man and woman, dressed in flowing robes of deep purple and gold, walked into the cove followed by two young women and Sana's heart thumped at the tall burly dragon shifters that walked behind them.
One of the dragons, with his midnight hair, thick pointed black horns and deep bronze skin. His eyes were a mixture of crimson and gold and glowed with a familiar gleam.
"Who...who are they?" Sana whispered as her flame giggled and danced around her.
That is Eridesce, the matriarch of Zarathos and her mate, Tiago. The women behind them are Ragna, the Erius of Zarathos, and the other is me, Ember. I was the daughter of Eridesce and Tiago and the next matriarch of Zarathos.
Her flame floated around her and landed on her shoulder
And the dragons behind us are Ivis, who was my dragon and Kaladin, Ragna's dragon.
"Kaladin," Sana murmured. "He looks just like Rhyel."
Mm-hm, Kaladin's dragon is the same one who lives in Rhyel and he was my best friend.
Sana frowned. "What about Ivis?" she said, watching as they moved through the cove greeting their coven.
Ivis and I were close as a phoenix and a dragon should be, but I always thought Kaladin was going to be my guardian.
"Why wasn't he?"
Because he was meant for Ragna. Kaladin was the strongest of the Barshaa dragons and Ragna was the Erius. It was only natural that he became her guardian, until she married a phoenix from the Poccanam coven and a dragon from the Pasea clan became her guardian along with her husband.
"Is that why he's our dragon now?" she said, unable to take her gaze from Kaladin as he hovered near Ragna, only taking his eyes off her for a moment to speak to Ivis. "Because we're an Erius?"
I think that has something to do with it. When Ragna left the coven, Kaladin wasn't the same.
Her phoenix sighed as she left Sana's shoulder to swirl around him.
He became withdrawn from everyone. Only doing what he needed to protect our people and when Ragna died, it was like he died with her. I think that's why he's our dragon. We're the Erius his soul never got to truly protect, but I never thought our souls would meet again.
Sana's heart clenched at the sorrow dripping in her phoenix's voice and the longing in Ember's gaze.
"You...you loved him."
Her flame brightened and a twinkling laugh filtered out of her.
Yes, I did. Very much so and I'm glad he's come to love us in this life, but that isn't why I'm showing you this memory.
Her flame said, floating back to her.
Besides this being the only memory I can see clearly, I wanted you to know that we had a family and we were loved.
Eridesce wrapped her arms around Ember, laughing as they joined their coven in a song that echoed through the cove and the butterflies and waves of the ocean danced to the harmonious melody.
Joy bloomed in Sana's heart and spread through her veins as a smile stretched across her lips. The feeling vibrated off the jagged, red clay walls and lifted up to the skies where the dragons roared in delight and she wondered if this was the power of the Zarathos.
Was their song infused with the gift of love?
Yes, when we sing together like this, but in our full forms, our songs have the power of illusion and manipulation. As an Erius, we have the gift to channel and create life through fire.
"That's why our blood is so powerful," Sana murmured as she sat in a patch of wildflowers, closing her eyes as the melody soothed her fears and her anguish. It was hard to feel scared of what was to come when this song of love and light made her feel like she could do anything.
That's how this song always made me feel too.
A soft laugh escaped her lips as she opened her eyes and gazed at the butterflies and her people dancing and sharing a meal around her. She wanted to find them and if she found that she was the only Zarathos left, then maybe if she was strong enough, she could defeat the darkness that was coming.
And make her own family, like this.
One full of laughter, light and love.
We can, Sana. We have everything we need to at least try.
Sana cupped her flame in her hands. "Yes, we can," she said, smiling as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. "Thank you for showing me this, Ember."
All she had to do was try.
There was truly no reason for her to deny herself the love and happiness she'd always dreamed of having. Her life had never been easy and it was only going to get harder, but she was tired of being the ungifted Lightbourne, the broken, wilted woman her faux father raised her to be.
And maybe it was this memory, the songs of her coven and Ember's words of encouragement that spurned this new well of moxie building inside of her, but she was going to forgive the actions that got her to this place.
She was going to learn how to live with her gifts and abilities.
Gazing through the swell of people and catching a glimpse of Kaladin sitting beside Ragna, her heart simmered with yearning.
And she was going to learn how to love.
Beyond whatever darkness and destruction she may provoke, she wanted a life with Rhyel, to become the true Lady of Darcanos and spend forever by his side.
Because even if she could never be his true mate, she wanted to share in his love.
A/N: I love this for Sana and I'm so thankful that Ember had a clear memory to show her. Also quite interesting that her phoenix loved Rhyel's dragon in another life. I wonder if this will change things... like Rhyel's dragon's inability to find a mate....????