Chapter 9 #2
“Both of you are adorable and I hate that you’re not together yet.
You’re right though, take your time and do it right.
Bye, boo, be safe out there.” I blow him a kiss and get going.
The whole day I feel like a live wire, electricity humming through me as I anticipate going out to dinner and dancing with Carlo.
I can barely focus, but I manage to get through my route.
We both head back to the apartment to clean ourselves up after work, and I pick one of my two dresses that I absolutely love.
It’s a little black dress that hugs me in all the right places, and has some gathered ruching in the bodice.
Tiny diamond studs line the thick straps for a little embellishment.
The hem flares a little and hits a smidge beyond mid thigh to show off my legs.
I do a touch more makeup than my everyday, with a red lip and eyeliner done in a cat eye that takes me way too long to get right.
When I get out of the bathroom, Carlo is coming out of his room buttoning the last buttons on his shirt.
He goes still when he sees me, except for his face, which goes completely slack jawed.
It’s gratifying to have him be the one short circuiting this time.
“I clean up ok, huh?” I give him a little twirl so he can get the whole effect since he’s never seen me dressed up.
He swallows hard and lifts his hand like he’s itching to touch me, but he stops himself.
It looks like he’s in physical pain trying to restrain himself for my sake, and my stomach flips at the fact that my desire to take things slow is a boundary he respects.
“That is the understatement of the fucking century, Tania,” he finally says hoarsely.
“To be clear, you always look beautiful, but saying you clean up ok does not even come close to doing justice to how gorgeous you look right now.” The intensity of his compliment has my cheeks heating like a naive teenager.
Now I’m swallowing hard as I duck my head a little to hide the blushing.
“Thank you. You look amazing,” I tell him honestly, still a little too dumbstruck to say anything more poetic like he did. He recovers himself enough to smile and say thanks before we head out, his hand warm on the small of my back.
It’s a Friday night, so it’s no surprise that the bar is packed.
There’s a live band playing a catchy as hell latin dance song, trumpets blaring and everything.
The dance floor is a sea of people moving close, hips swaying to the vibrant cumbia beat.
Almost all of the seats are taken. Carlo walks right up to the guy behind the bar and they shake hands before going into bro back slaps with huge smiles. Then the bartender turns to me.
“Who is this lovely lady, Carlo? You going to introduce me or what?”
“Watch it, smooth talker. Gage, this is Tania. Tania, this is my friend Gage, he runs this place. His family owns it.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say as I shake his hand with a smile.
“Very nice to meet you, too. What can I get you two tonight?” Gage hands me a drink menu that I look over quickly.
“I’ll have the lemon hibiscus margarita, please.”
“Good choice. Carlo, we’ve got a nice IPA on tap tonight.”
“Set me up, my friend.”
“Arepas, too?” Carlo’s face goes more serious than I have ever seen it.
“I’m not an animal, of course I want arepas if I’m here,” he deadpans. Gage shakes his head as he chuckles and moves to take care of more people. The drinks arrive quickly, and there was no skimping in this margarita. It’s strong, and badly needed after baring my soul last night.
“Do you like the margarita?” Carlo asks.
“It’s dangerously good. Hibiscus is my favorite flower but I’ve never had it in a drink before. It’s so perfect with the lemon.” He nods thoughtfully, looking like he’s cataloguing what I just said as important information.
“Gage is a master.”
“Damn right I am,” the man himself says as he comes up with our arepas. “How are those drinks?”
“I love this IPA, man. Nice and hoppy. I hope you’ll have it on tap regularly,” Carlo tells him.
“That’s the plan. It’s new and local, I was excited to get it in.” Someone tries to get his attention a little ways down the bar. “I’ll check in more later, enjoy the arepas!”
Carlo and I start to eat, and when I take my first bite I can’t help the little moan that escapes me because it is that damn delicious.
The flavors of the meat and queso fresco on top of the fluffy corn cake explode on my tongue.
His eyes shoot to mine, and his pupils are blown to make them pure black. He leans in close.
“Not playing fair are you, Castillo? Second time you’ve tried to kill me today,” he whispers. A shiver courses through me and my breath hitches as I feel his lips barely brush my ear.
“You are fucking trouble, Hernandez,” I whisper back.
“Only the best kind,” he hums with a little smirk.
We linger close like this, our eyes meeting, breaths mingling, just watching each other.
I want to kiss him, but I can’t bring myself to make that final leap.
I struggle so much with genuine human connection.
My parents, my grandmother, Celeste, these are the only people I have truly, deeply, loved in my life, and they’re either gone or incarcerated.
Letting people in and letting myself fully love them has become too painful, because anytime I have, something bad happens.
My half hearted attempts even go badly, like with my old boss’s nephew.
I can’t help but wonder if I’m cursed when it comes to loving people.
Until I trust myself enough to handle a real relationship and truly learn to love someone again, Carlo deserves better.
When I think about it, if I had met him outside of work, we would have probably hooked up and been done at my insistence within a few weeks.
Now that I like him so much as a person?
It’s as though the universe put us together as both coworkers and roommates so that I don’t abandon caution and keep perspective.
I know enough to know that I don’t want Carlo as some flavor of the week, or potentially ruin the friendship we’ve been building by getting scared and screwing things up.
So I softly put the brakes on, hoping he’ll know it doesn’t mean I’m not interested, we just need to simmer down a little with the outrageous flirting for now.
I pull back slightly and give his forearm a squeeze with a little wink.
He takes the cue and pulls back a little too, no irritation to be found on his face and a soft smile.
Then I pick up my arepa and keep eating while we go back to safer conversation.