Chapter fourteen Scottie #4
Sighing, I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the booth. “I can’t go through that again.”
“Yes. All valid.”
“Your brother was my friend, is my friend, and the thought of potentially hating him one day like I hate my ex just kills me.”
“Keep letting it out, Scottie.” I pop my eyes open and look at her.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m not here to judge.
I just want you to be able to talk about it because honestly, keeping it inside is what almost broke me and Penn.
Telling him the truth allowed us to move forward, and I know you’re not there yet, but you need to give those fears life so you can start to let go of them. ”
A tear streams down my cheek, but I brush it away and start to tell Astrid my story. She sits there and listens, nods and asks questions when they’re warranted. But most of all, she doesn’t tell me to move past it, to give her brother a shot, or that life is too short to hold a grudge.
She allows me to feel my feelings—be angry, terrified, and guilty for where all of my life choices have led me.
She becomes my friend, the first genuine one I’ve made in a long time.
“How do you feel?” she asks after our food is long gone, she’s told me more about her life, and I’ve finally run out of things to say.
“Lighter somehow.”
“Good.” She picks one last fry up from her plate, pops it in her mouth, and then pushes her plate away.
“Thank you for that—for listening.”
She reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “You’re welcome. I hope it helped.”
“It did. But I still don’t know what to do about your brother, Astrid.”
She shrugs. “It’s okay because you’ll figure it out. Sometimes we just need to take that first step, you know? That’s what I had to do with Penn. Lots of baby steps to get where we are now.”
My hands instinctively move to my stomach where my baby is growing. “Baby steps.”
“Yup. They may be small, but you’ll still get where you need to be eventually.” She clears her throat. “Before I forget, I wanted to talk to you about your baby shower.”
My eyes bug out. “Oh, Jesus. I haven’t even thought about that.”
“It’s okay, but if you’re willing, I’d love to throw it for you.”
“Oh my God, Astrid. You don’t have to do that.”
“Nonsense. You know how damn excited I am about this baby, Scottie. Please, let me do this for you. Willow wants to help too.”
Biting my bottom lip, I ask, “Are you sure?”
Astrid rolls her eyes. “Yes, that’s why I’m offering.”
“Okay,” I relent. “Thank you. I appreciate it so much. I had a small one for Chase, but obviously I didn’t keep anything and there are so many new things out there now that it feels like an entirely different world.”
“I’m so excited!” She bounces in her chair, making me laugh. “You two are finding out the sex, right?”
“Yeah, in a few weeks.”
“Good, makes it easier to plan and pick a theme. And don’t forget to register. There’s an adorable boutique on the boardwalk that has pretty much everything you could need, but you should also do some online registries so people can send gifts directly to you.”
“God, things have changed since I had Chase.”
She nods. “Yeah, but the way a baby changes your life will always be the same—for the better.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” I reply.
She winks at me and says, “So can the right man in your life.” She takes a sip of her water. “Just wanted to remind you of that too.”
***
“Come on, Chase! You’ve got this!” I stand on the bleachers, cupping hands around my mouth, shouting loud enough so my son can hear me out on the pitching mound.
It’s the top of the ninth inning and the score is tied. All Chase has to do is strike out this kid, and then our team will be up at bat, getting a chance to score at least one more run before the game is over to secure the win. Thank God for the home team advantage.
“Relax!” Grady yells, pulling Chase’s eyes across the field to the dugout. Chase nods and shakes out his jitters again, knowing he only has one more pitch to deliver and then his job is done for the night.
My focus has been split all evening between watching my son and the man whose baby I’m carrying.
After my dinner with Astrid last night, I slept better than I have in months.
I can attest that it was just exhaustion after a busy weekend and crazy work week, especially since it’s spring and the end of the school year is winding down.
But honestly, I think it was just getting a lot of tension I’d been carrying out in the open.
I’m so grateful to Astrid for offering up her friendship and support. Before we left, she assured me she would keep our conversation to herself, which I appreciate. I want to tell Grady in my own time. With each passing day and each tender kiss, I feel myself more willing to let my guard down.
Grady is not Andrew, and I know deep in my gut, he never will be. Taking a huge leap of faith is still hard, though, and I’m fighting with myself over how I work past that.
But I want to. At least I’m getting firmer in that choice. And the physical attraction I feel toward the man is definitely not dwindling either.
“God, he’s so sexy.” A woman’s voice to my left pulls me from my thoughts.
“I agree. But since he came home, he hasn’t even looked at a woman.”
“Girl, do you know how many make-believe noises I’ve had to think of just for an excuse to take my car to his garage?”
The other woman giggles. “Yup. I’ve been there too.”
The first woman sighs. “Maybe he’s gay.”
A snort escapes from me because I’m certain I know who they’re talking about. Grady? Gay? Um, pretty sure after the filthy things he whispered to me and did to my body, no one would ever believe that claim.
“No, I’ve heard he actually went home with some woman from Ricky’s a few months ago, so that can’t be it.”
My pulse hammers as I continue to listen. “Obviously it was just a one-night stand, then, because I’ve heard he’s still single.”
My hackles rise. I understand the allure of this man.
Hell, I’ve admired him longer than I care to admit, and on and off for years before that.
And now, I’m carrying his baby and still fighting my attraction to him.
But hearing these women drool over him and speculate about his life is making me irritated, and dare I say, jealous.
He’s mine, I want to say with a glare that tells them to back off.
But I can’t say that—because I won’t let myself be his.
Chase strikes out the final batter, launching a celebration among the crowd here to cheer on the home team.
Smiling, my son races into the dugout, high-fiving Grady, who quickly looks back to find me, grinning from ear to ear.
He gives me a wink and then turns his attention back to the team, getting his players ready to go up to bat.
Carrington Cove High School scores two runs in the bottom of the ninth, making the final score 4-2. The boys erupt in celebration of their win, jostling Chase around, congratulating him on his performance on the mound.
When the celebration has died down, I make my way down the bleachers and onto the field.
When I spot Chase, I walk over and tap him on his shoulder.
He spins around and his face lights up as he pulls me into his arms and lifts me off the ground.
“Mom! We won!” He spins me around a few times before planting me back down on the ground.
“You did so good! I’m so proud of you!”
“He did amazing,” Grady says, striding up to both of us. He holds a fist out to bump with Chase, who returns it enthusiastically, and then turns his attention to me. “Did you enjoy the game?”
“Of course,” I say as he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side.
Chase studies us with curiosity before one of the other players calls him over to where they’re standing. “I’ll be right back, Mom.”
“Okay, I’ll be here.”
Grady tips my chin up so I meet his eyes. “He did so fucking good, Scottie. Kept his cool, used the strategies we’ve been practicing all week. Hell, I thought the pressure was going to get to him there at the end, but he took his time and made the right call with the pitch. He’s a fucking natural.”
Smiling while fighting tears of pride, I say, “I love watching him play. He’s so in his element out there.”
Grady nods and then reaches down to place his palm on my growing belly. “Did this little one enjoy the game too?”
Those flutters I’m getting used to feeling now move across my belly, right under Grady’s hand, but he doesn’t notice, so I don’t say anything. He probably can’t feel it yet. “They did.”
“Good. This kid needs to accept right now that baseball is just going to be a part of his or her life, in one way or another.”
“So coaching wasn’t such a bad idea after all?” I tease.
He cups the side of my face. “I’m glad I listened to you, Scottie. I fucking needed this.”
The crack in his voice makes me want to comfort him because I know how hard this decision was for him.
We only talked about it briefly that night back in December, but I could see the conflict in his eyes.
I know what it was like to lose the game, but when you dedicate your life to something like that, it never fully leaves you.
It just isn’t the center of your world anymore.
Grady’s eyes bounce back and forth between mine and then I hear the women from earlier snickering behind us.
“Who is that? Are they together?” one of the women says to the other.
“I don’t know. She looks familiar, though.”
Unwilling to listen to any more, I just react. Pressing up on my toes, I plant my lips on Grady’s, marking him as mine as I pull his head down and block out the women’s chatter.
Grady doesn’t even hesitate, melting into the kiss as he pulls me in tighter, cups my jaw again, and dances his tongue against mine while the sounds around us fade away.
What are you doing, Scottie? You aren’t supposed to be kissing this man, remember?
Yeah, but I’ll be damned if I let these women even think they could have a shot with my baby’s daddy.
I swat away those worries and drown in the kiss instead, wrapping my arms around his neck, twisting my tongue against his, groaning when his hand buries in my hair and gives it a gentle tug.
I’m so enraptured in the moment, feeling my entire body heat up, that I forget we’re at a high school baseball game until my son comes over and metaphorically throws cold water on us.
“Jesus, Mom.” I break away from Grady instantly, just in time to see my son cover his eyes. “So this is how my future sibling was conceived?”
Grady smirks down at me. I resist the urge to meet his gaze, fully aware of what he’s thinking, and I refuse to give him that satisfaction. “Chase, I…”
He holds a hand up. “Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen. Although the entire team saw you, which isn’t great.”
“I’ll handle the team,” Grady says.
“I thought you two were just friends?” Chase asks, but the truth is, I don’t have an explanation for him right now because I’m the one that crossed the line this time, not Grady.
“We are,” I say as Grady huffs beside me. “But look, we need to get going, okay?”
Chase rolls his eyes. “Fine. Let me go get my stuff.” He races toward the dugout, leaving Grady and me alone.
I slowly lift my eyes to meet his and am taken aback by the look he’s giving me. “Yes?”
Crossing his arms over his chest, he says, “Nothing.”
I narrow my eyes, mimicking his stance. “Nothing? That’s what you’re going to say to me?”
“Yup.” He nods once and then leans down to kiss my temple. “See you tomorrow morning?”
Tomorrow we’re leaving for our road trip to Kentucky, which means I had to take the day off, but I honestly don’t mind. I could use the break. But now, after I just kissed the man I told to stop kissing me, I’m thinking the timing of this all couldn’t be worse.
Stupid hormones and jealousy.
“Um, yeah. I’ll be ready.”
“Good. We have a long drive and lots to talk about.” He intensifies the glare he’s giving me, making his eyes appear even smaller. “A lot to talk about, Scottie. And I just hope you’re ready for it.” I swallow roughly. “Sleep well, keep growing our baby, and I’ll see you soon.”
Jesus Christ. What have I gotten myself into?