Chapter 15
Colossal Considerations
D ear Lord Tamlin Ashowan,
Hopefully you remember me even though it has been a few years since we last spoke. My name is Rosaline Evans. I am the owner of the tavern and inn you frequented, the Rosey Glass.
The child that delivered this message, well… There is no easy way to say this.
He is your son.
I learned about him two months after we last spoke, but because you had never given me your real name, I did not know how to inform you.
It wasn’t until my brother, Liam, discovered you when you were in Rollom with your father inspecting the coven schools that we learned your true identity.
I’ve debated for months whether I could part with our son, but I’m ashamed to admit that I have not been the best of mothers. At my brother’s urging, I never gave the child a name, as Liam believes it is a father’s right, and it is important in order for the father to form a bond… Even though I never knew if I’d find you again.
Our son looks just like you. He’s quiet, like you are, and always seems to be thinking carefully. He doesn’t smile often, but he is polite, and will not give you any trouble. From the bottom of my heart I believe that you can provide him a better life than I ever will, and I think he needs you. I think you need him, too, to be honest.
When my brother and I heard you were going to perform inspections again with your father, I sent our boy to meet you. I’ve done the best I could for him until now, but please, please accept him. While he seems like he can bear the weight of the world with ease, I know he is a scared child that needs his father. And a mother’s love, as great as it is, can’t fill that void of another parent.
I wish you my best,
Rosaline Evans
Seated at the small desk in Eli’s cabin, Tam reread the letter for a fifth time, then tossed it onto the desk.
Tam had dazedly seen that the boy was fed, and that a bath had been drawn for him in his own cabin. The child had insisted he didn’t need any help bathing, and so Tam had retreated to his assistant’s cabin to try to wrap his head around the situation.
Eli stood with her arms folded, leaning against the door, watching her employer.
“You have something you’d like to say?” Tam asked, finally lifting his somber gaze to hers.
She stared back at him, devoid of emotion, and Tam felt a flicker of anger in his chest at seeing the coldness that had appeared in her countenance.
“Not at all, my lord.”
Tam’s voice sharpened. “I’d rather you not hide your true opinion.”
Eli swallowed but didn’t cower at his apparent displeasure. “Were you ignoring the mother of your child to the point she had no choice but to send him to you?”
“No. I had a relationship with her while I was using a different name. I occasionally had to travel without alerting the local nobility or the coven. So she had no way to contact me after we concluded our… relationship.”
“You didn’t think to check in, just in case?”
“She is the kind of no-nonsense woman who didn’t want a clingy ex-lover. She’s busy running her business, and her brother made it perfectly clear I shouldn’t return.”
Tam could tell that Eli felt her moral high ground was starting to crumble. She pushed herself off the door as she struggled to settle into the conversation.
“What are you going to do about him?”
Tam raised an eyebrow, then rested his elbows on the tops of his thighs, his hands loosely clasped while he stared up at her. Despite his position being lower than hers, Eli shrank under the intensity of his gaze.
“It’s a little more complicated than I’d like with him being here. For one, I can’t just send him back to Daxaria alone, and I’m concerned for his safety while we’re in Zinfera.”
A flicker of softness passed through Eli’s eyes as he spoke.
“Then there is the obvious question: Is he the devil?”
Eli jerked back in shock, and her eyes widened. “What?”
“How much were you told about the events of the war in Troivack?”
“Well, I… That is… That is private information belonging to the crown—”
Tam closed his eyes with a sigh. “You know about the devil and the first witch. Good. Then you most likely also know that the devil was supposed to be reborn shortly after Her Majesty killed him. Seven years ago.”
Eli gaped at Tam.
He was right… And it was true… She had remembered the king and queen of Troivack discussing how much the devil had resembled Tamlin Ashowan…
“I thought the devil respawned from the ashes of his past corpses. How would he have been able to get this former love interest of yours involved?” Eli wondered aloud, betraying how well informed she was of the whole situation.
“The devil would, I imagine, have connections…” Tam added, lowering his gaze, his moment of intensity dissipating.
“During questioning, the first witch claimed that she had disposed of many of the devil’s connections and contacts, and she seemed rather confident on the point,” Eli recalled carefully.
Tam gave a humorless chuckle and lifted his face once more. “So you think that the boy really is my son?”
Eli shook her head. “I do not know for certain, given your astute point about him potentially being the missing devil, but he does look remarkably like you.”
Tam eyed his assistant a little longer, weighing whether or not she was sincere. But he eventually reminded himself that her thoughts weren’t his business, so he stood. “Regardless of the possibility, until we know for certain one way or another, I’m going to treat him as though he is my…. my own. But we are going to be extraordinarily careful about revealing any information around him. Our time in Zinfera was supposed to be relatively low-risk, mostly gathering information; if we do interfere, it is to be as discreetly as possible. At present, I’ll think more on whether I’ll send him back or take him with us once we dock in Ori.”
“Pardon my saying so, my lord, but you are underestimating how dangerous the Torit Desert is. No one is safe traveling through. Let alone a child.”
Tam grimaced. “You tell me then. Which is safer? Sending him back alone to Daxaria, or bringing him along? I’m deferring to you on this, Eli, because you know Zinfera best.” Tam’s hands found his pockets as he waited on her opinion.
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A blush crept up Eli’s face as she suddenly remembered earlier that day, when Tamlin had her pressed against the rail at the stern of the ship… How, rather than feeling frightened or panicked, she had felt drawn to her employer. His solid strength had been an odd comfort as opposed to a threat.
She lowered her eyes, unable to look at him while forming her answer. On the one hand, sending a child back with strangers was terribly risky, even if Tam revealed that the boy was his son. There were pirates, slave traders; even the weather was a danger.
On the other hand, bandits roamed the desert, and the elements could kill them as well. Not to mention the talk of a dragon being sighted at the other end of the kingdom. Still, Lord Tam would be there, and his family had their own connections. Besides, if the child was the devil reborn, it’d be best to keep him close.
“I suppose he should join us,” Eli agreed at last.
Tam jerked his chin down. “Alright.”
Her employer then moved to step around Eli, making her entire body flush with awareness once more, causing her to shrink away from him. Tam paused, his brows twitching in concern.
Not wanting to address the dragon in the room, Eli quickly blurted, “What will you name him?”
◆◆◆
Caught entirely off guard by the question that was almost shouted at him, Tam balked. “Er… I… I was going to ask his opinion on that. To be blunt, that detail made me particularly suspicious about his story… Though when I remembered Rosaline’s brother Liam, it did kind of make sense. He was wildly controlling at times, and most likely wasn’t all that kind to the boy. Rosaline is a strong woman, but when it comes to her younger brother, she lets him sway her and doesn’t address his anger. Anyway. You don’t need to hear about that.” Tam seemed to blink away the memories as he reached for the cabin door. “I’ll talk to the boy and see what names he likes.”
“My lord?”
Tam glanced over his shoulder. Eli was fidgeting as she always did when she was uncomfortable and attention was directed at her.
“I… I believe you are commendable for handling this as well as you have,” she said, making Tam straighten in surprise. “I believe it is an assistant’s duty to provide both criticism and praise to their employers, as they see them in ways that no one else does.”
A soft smile curved Tam’s mouth, right as she stole a glance to see his reaction. “You sound like you’re the one in charge here. You’re doing a fine job yourself, Eli.”
“At least with everything going on, your seasickness has eased off!” she burst out awkwardly.
Tam wondered if her straightforward nature made her completely unable to handle teasing. Then turned his mind back to her point and felt his lightened expression dwindle. “Oh, I still feel like hanging over the rails, but I just don’t have time to right now.”
“Most people can’t control seasickness,” Eli pointed out.
“Most people don’t find out they have a seven-year-old son in the middle of the sea, either.”
With a final wave over his shoulder, Tam exited the cabin to go face the child who might be his son… or the son of the Gods—the child responsible for the evil of all mankind.
Either possibility brought with it a world of complications, though if Tam were honest with himself…? He couldn’t help but already consider the boy his own. It was hard to think otherwise when he had never seen the devil in person. Besides, it really was remarkable how much he and the boy looked alike.
As Tam walked through the narrow galley of the ship toward his own quarters, he idly thought how excited his nephew Antony would be about having a cousin near his own age.
In fact, all three of the boys would be over-the-moon excited to have another person to play with.
When Tam caught himself smiling while imagining this future meeting, he felt his heart jolt in alarm. Was he already deluding himself into thinking that he was fit to be a father?
He couldn’t even handle crowded rooms for an entire evening! And what if his powers got the best of him again, only this time, instead of an entire wall and desk being the victims, it was his own son?
Tam’s gut churned.
Rosaline had said she thought their child would be better off with him, but she didn’t know how little people thought of the future duke… To bring in an illegitimate child and subject him to even more judgment than would be the norm in such cases…?
Tam arrived at the cabin door and hesitated.
His heart skipped several beats, and a cold sweat started to prickle along his back.
Amazingly, his magic wasn’t adding to his problems in that moment, but who was to say if that would last?
Tam reached up and patted his chest, where he could feel the pendant under his tunic. The one he kept hidden from sight, but that brought him immeasurable comfort.
Closing his eyes, Tam did his best to shelve his fears.
If the child was his, then it was reasonable to assume that he was frightened and uncertain about his future. And he would of course deserve kindness, patience, and room to feel however he needed to in that moment. Tam’s own insecurities needed to wait.
So, reaching for the door handle, Tam faced his new responsibilities while also making the firm decision to press the possibility of the boy being the devil to the back of his mind. Even if there was a strong likelihood this was the son of the Gods? If there was the tiniest of chances that was not the case, Tam was not going to risk scaring a child who had done nothing wrong.
Tam opened the door and stepped in, albeit he did have one final thought before focusing on whatever scene would greet him.
Gods… My parents thought Kat eloping when she was out of the country was bad… Coming back home with a new illegitimate grandson might even have her beat for outrageous surprises…