Chapter 31
A Distressing Departure
E li lowered her chin elegantly toward the vendor who accepted the payment for her new dress from Bong, and then allowed them to drift down the sunny, bustling street. The fine weather had everyone outside and in fine spirits, though Eli herself was feeling far from fine.
Bong interrupted her thoughts as he took the carefully wrapped parcel from the vendor with a grateful bow. “That should be everything you need for the party.”
“Thank you,” Eli managed, though her voice sounded tight.
Bong didn’t comment, just passed the package to Haewon who had joined them to see to any of their needs.
The pair walked on, leaving the housekeeper behind. Bong trudged, lacking his usual light step, his complexion still not quite right after the rousing good evening he’d had sussing out Lord Guk in the brothels.
“Shall we return to the house, Mrs. Voll?”
Eli jerked to a halt and gave Bong a disgruntled glance at the use of her alias before continuing on. The abrupt reaction seemed to startle Bong, visibly making him green a little as a result. He took a moment to breathe deeply, settle his stomach, then hurried to catch up to Eli.
“Is there a reason you have been ill at ease since this morning?”
“No.”
Bong nodded amiably, and didn’t comment on her short retort for at least another storefront or two.
“I had an interesting conversation with Tam while I was meditating out in the courtyard this morning.”
“Do you mean when you were too hungover to walk?” Eli’s clipped tones didn’t faze Bong.
“I happened to be doing both of those things.”
“Of course, my lord.”
Bong sighed and stared at Eli’s serene face. “I see you feel better now that you have the upper hand.”
Her serenity twitched back to irritation.
“Tell you what… I will share a few thoughts I gleaned from the future duke, hm?”
Eli didn’t say anything in response.
“Tam is aware you have a troubling history, and he is also aware he is in a state of great upheaval what with lovely little Luca’s presence.”
Bong paused as he paid for two cups of water and some chilled dumplings from a nearby stall, handing one of each to Eli and sipping from his own cup. “Good Goddess… My brother says there is nothing better than spicy food when hungover, but I say cold foods are the best for quelling the heated storms inside.”
“That’s a very poetic description of the consequences for overindulging.”
Ignoring her, Bong returned to his original speech while also inclining himself toward a pretty older woman dressed in pale pinks and blues that passed by him. “Tam is not entirely his own person just yet, and so you both have a way to grow, and intentions therefore won’t always be clear. His feelings in the romantic sense are quite sincere, but he of course wishes only to make sure you know you are respected.”
When Eli still didn’t contribute to the conversation, Bong took a little more liberty.
“I believe it is best that you are aware of the situation so you might understand Tam’s actions and thoughts as he figures things out. Though I’m curious if you know your own mind on this particular matter.”
“That is not your business, my lord.”
“Of course not, I am simply willing to share my own thoughts. It is important that we all work well with one another during this time here in Zinfera. Especially if we are going to be meddling rather than simply… listening.”
“My lord.” Eli turned to face Bong, who had just finished his dumpling and set down his empty cup of water on a barrel outside an eatery. “If everyone simply follows the plan, then there is no need to delve into any personal matters.”
“Pardon me saying this, but that’s ridiculous.”
“What?”
Bong smiled warmly. “Any plan that involves humans is bound to be imperfect. That is why no matter what large-scale endeavor people undertake, we are advised to plan for human error. And what is it that makes us human? Emotions.”
“I thought it was higher consciousness and thought.”
“That too.” Bong chuckled. “You’ve studied philosophy. That is unusual for someone of no rank or title.”
Eli stormed off once more, leaving Bong to once again rush to catch up.
“I do not bring these things up to have you tell me your inner thoughts. I bring them up to help you gain perspective on yourself.”
“My lord?” Eli turned around sharply once more, her voice louder, and Bong cringed at the sudden assault on his headache. “Stop speaking to me like you are a seventy-year-old man. We are near the same age. I might even be older.”
“I feel quite old today. Does that help?” Bong leaned forward, his brow arched seriously.
“No, it does not.”
“Ah.” Bong nodded. “Are you afraid to turn Tam down? Or are you afraid to start a relationship with a man who already has far too much control over your life?”
Eli looked as though the wind had been knocked out of her.
“Go away.” The words came out a whisper, but she could feel her movements affected by a frantic energy as she stared at Bong.
“Eli, I—”
“For the love of the Gods, no one listens to me! Am I-I-I to be a bloody pawn at all times? Do I really have absolutely no power? Why? What have I ever done to deserve this? I’ve worked, and I’ve worked, and I do my best to accommodate, and everyone just wants more! They want things I don’t have, and because I don’t have them? I am punished! If I am not what they expect me to be, I am also punished!”
“I understand that—”
“You understand absolutely nothing. All I want… is to work. And I will do my job damn well, but why do people think they are owed more than that?” Eli was crying. Her nose was running, her voice hoarse and choked, but she did not relent. “You, Lord Bong, who were born into privilege, might understand heavy responsibility and having to make tough decisions that affect others—oh yes. I’ve served a king. I already know what is involved in being a leader! But you have never had your dignity dragged through the mud for another person’s amusement. You’ve not had your life tossed around as though you were nothing. Like a thing. You’ve never been at the mercy of the world and wanting to die, with no one on your side, and you claw and you fight, and you drag yourself out of those hells, only to find not much has really changed at all. It doesn’t matter what you do, or who you’re with; people want more. I don’t want to share my feelings. They are mine! Can’t they just stay mine?”
Bong’s look of sadness and pain on Eli’s behalf in no way placated her.
“Go to hell, my lord. Don’t ever try to push me to do or feel or question anything. You are not a friend to me. You are a friend to Lord Tam.”
“Is Lord Tam a friend to you?”
“No,” Eli bit back. “No. He isn’t a friend. He… he… Never mind. I’m going for a walk. Do not follow me.”
She had wanted to say Tam was like everyone else. He was just an employer, and she wished she could say for the point of winning the argument that he treated her as though she were inconsequential, so why should he be more to her?
But he didn’t treat her that way.
No. He, more than anyone she had ever met, had always honored whatever she wanted. The only time when he didn’t? When he didn’t want to risk hurting her. He had ignored her wish for them to sleep beside each other, because he apparently was attracted to her and didn’t think that was something he should continue.
He had respected her from the day they met. Even now, when he wanted something from her, he added distance to ensure she stayed as comfortable as possible.
Eli kept her teary face lowered. She didn’t know if Bong was behind her or not, and she frankly didn’t care whether he was. She pulled free a silk handkerchief from her skirt and blew her nose, though as she cleaned her face, she noticed the glint of the wedding band on her hand…
I wonder when he started to be attracted to me. Probably being stuck in a carriage for days on end with only men didn’t help, but… Developing amorous feelings because of lust doesn’t seem like Tam. Then again, he does have an illegitimate child, so maybe it is exactly what he is like.
Eli was deep in thought when an unpleasant churn in her stomach and a prickling along the back of her neck alerted her that something was off.
Pausing briefly, she pretended to be interested in some framed mirrors for sale just off the street, and as she did so, she spotted the two men following her.
Of course. Of course that is what happens the instant I try to take time for myself.
Noticing two streets she could detour onto up ahead, Eli did her best to keep an eye out for any signs of respectable stores or taverns, even though she knew she was on the frayed edges of the upscale area of Junya. Eventually she spotted the Side Street Tavern , and aimed there. If she could flag down the owner, she could have a carriage sent for, and taverns typically had hired muscled “helpers” to handle any unsavory characters.
Eli had just taken the second left down the street, her panic rising, when she sensed something new.
Something familiar. Comforting. Relief washed over her.
Tam was nearby.
She didn’t need to look over her shoulder or listen for his footsteps, which were as quiet as her own. She simply knew.
“Excuse me,” an unfamiliar voice called behind her.
She tensed but kept walking.
“Are you Elisara Nam?”
She stopped and spoke over her shoulder. “I don’t know who you are talking about. Please leave me alone.”
“We were hired by Chul Nam to find his sister, Elisara Nam. Are you… certain you are not her?”
Eli took her time turning around. Facing the two men, she found them wearing matching periwinkle shirts with black pants and boots. The one who had called out was a little older than his companion, with wrinkles creasing the skin under his eyes. The taller one was unable to mask his excitement as he stared at Eli, and she felt herself want to cringe away from them, when…
“I don’t know who you are, but get the hell away from my wife.”
The two men jumped and swung around to find Tamlin Ashowan looming behind them at the mouth of the shaded street they stood on, with tall walls boxing them in.
Tam stared at them, his eyes filled with pure blackness. The two men took large steps backward.
“Mr. V— my dear one!” Eli called out awkwardly as she rushed forward past the two strangers. It was better that the two men didn’t learn any details about them—even if the last name Voll was made up. “Thank the Gods you found me! I tried to find the spot where you wanted to meet for lunch with our son, but I got lost.”
Tam continued to stare at the men, but his eyes regained some of their whites as Eli spoke. “Where is your escort?” he rumbled.
“I… I wanted to be alone—”
“Leave us!” Tam barked at the supposed investigators, who were starting to edge toward the couple once more. The sharp ring of Tam’s voice sent them bolting away fearfully.
Once they were out of sight, Eli let out a breath, her shoulders sagging forward. “Thank you, my lord. I’m sorry I— My lord?”
When Tam rounded back, to her, his eyes were once again consumed with darkness.
“Eli, get the hell away from me,” he ordered, his tone a mix of frightened and insistent.
But she didn’t.
“My lord, what about your crystal? I’m sure you can—”
Tam stumbled past her toward the back of the street, alone. Dark, silvery wisps were emanating from his body, and the toes of his boots scraped against the stones.
“My lor— Tam! Tam, it’s alright. You don’t need your magic to—” Eli’s words were cut off by an anguished grunt from Tam. His shoulders curled, and the misty tendrils consumed him entirely until…
He was gone.
Eli stared in shock at the place where he had been standing. Where the blackness and silvery magic had just been… but there was nothing.
It was as though Tamlin Ashowan had just… dissolved.