Chapter 13
‘Hello, darling, how are you?’
Jenni heard the metal flick of a lighter, followed by an inhale of breath that indicated her mum had just lit a cigarette.
She pictured her mum, perched on the stool next to the Rayburn, Benson and Hedges on the table next to her, and rolled her eyes affectionately.
Followed quickly by a jolt of grief as she pictured her dad there too, quietly pushing an ashtray towards Annie before taking the phone to say hello himself.
Perhaps that feeling would never go away.
Jenni filled her mum in on how she was – leg healing and in a boot, she could move around much more easily now.
She was still working from home, but felt so much better now she could pop out for a pint of milk – or snacks, more to the point – without having to text Jo or Nick next door and ask them.
It didn’t feel right revealing that her most meaningful relationships at the moment were with Cadbury’s and Walkers crisps.
Work had been great and had sent her a hamper full of posh food and treats, which she’d been working her way through – although not the kimchi, despite Clive’s note urging her to try it for the love of her gut health.
She was so looking forward to getting back to the office to catch up on all the gossip.
Tim had tried to fill her in on what was going on, but he had become paranoid that IT was monitoring his email, and she’d been unable to crack his cryptic codes.
Fortunately, Lucy was less into conspiracy theories and had simply called her for a chat.
Her mum also had news.
‘So…’ There was a pause, another inhale followed by a longer exhale. ‘I’ve decided to go to New Zealand with Alan.’ Before adding, ‘What do you think?’
‘I think that’s great news. When are you going?’ Jenni said, before realising with relief that she really did in fact feel pleased for her mum and wasn’t just saying it.
Another exhale. ‘Oh, darling, I’m so pleased you’re okay with it. I have to admit to feeling a bit nervous about it all. But, you know, the whole thing with your dad, it’s just made me think I need to live a little, we never know what will happen.’
‘Don’t say that! You’re going to live forever!’ Jenni couldn’t imagine life without her mum as well as her dad. ‘But you’re right, you should definitely go for it.’
‘We’ve booked to go next month, and we’re going for three weeks. It’s such a long time to be away, but we want to have some time to explore on our own after visiting Alan’s daughter. Will you be okay? I worry about you being on your own all the time.’
‘Of course I’ll be okay, I’ll be fine. I wish you’d stop worrying about me. And we can always FaceTime – you got quite good at it during lockdown.’
‘That’s true, I embraced the technology, I was rather proud. And when I’m back, perhaps we could do something together? I know, I know, you’re fine on your own,’ her mother added hastily. ‘I just mean it would be nice to see you when I’m back.’
Jenni, who’d begun to bristle, softened. ‘That would be lovely. Just don’t be tempted to move out there, I couldn’t cope with that!’
‘Don’t worry, darling. I have no plans to relocate to the other side of the world. Besides, there’s far too much going on here.’
Annie moved on to village gossip, while Jenni made sympathetic noises, agreeing with her mother that angering the WI was a recipe for disaster and that the keep fit woman should have known better than to take their slot on the village hall rota.
But really she was only half listening, thinking instead about what she’d said to her mum.
It was fine she was on her own, wasn’t it?
She didn’t need anyone else to spend her days with.
She had plenty to be getting on with… didn’t she?
Her mum finally said goodbye and ended the call leaving Jenni in silence.
She looked around her flat, suddenly deflated. Even her mum, who lived in a remote village with fewer than five hundred people, had managed to find someone new, but here Jenni was. Alone. Again.
The cardboard box by the door caught her eye. She’d ordered a bunch of plain white garments with the intention of getting ready for the May fair, which was now only weeks away.
Pleased to have something to distract her, Jenni decided to spend the day tie-dying, preparing stock for her stall. See, she was very busy and had plenty of things to do.
She was keen to get started, but Oscar had other ideas. While she’d been talking to her mum, he’d been alternately scrabbling at her legs or nibbling her toes, and now he saw she was heading towards the kitchen, he began in earnest his campaign for more food.
‘I’m just a walking snack dispenser to you, aren’t I?
’ Jenni grumbled as she hobbled into the kitchen.
She paused a moment to look out of the window, trying to decide whether it was too cold to work in the shed.
If she worked in the house she’d have to be careful not to make a mess.
Before she could decide a sharp nip on her ankle caused her to jump. Oscar was in no mood to wait.
‘Ow! I really shouldn’t be rewarding you for biting me,’ Jenni grumbled, lifting down the jar that contained Oscar’s snacks.
Prising off the lid, Jenni shook a few of the cat treats into a bowl for Oscar, who settled down to hoover them all up.
Shaking a few extra out for him – Jenni knew he’d want more – she put the jar back on the shelf and decided the shed would be better as she planned to have several buckets of dye on the go at once and didn’t want to risk staining the bathroom.
Gathering up the turmeric and onion skins she’d been saving, she unlocked the back door and stepped out into the garden.
Oscar, snacks finished, stalked past her, jumped up on the garden wall that separated her from the family next door, and began licking himself.
Two strides – well, hops – took her to the shed and she let herself in, breathing in the smell of wood, acrylic paint and white spirit.
Her neighbour had been giving away some old paint for free, which Jenni had gratefully taken off his hands, so one wall of her shed was a rather fetching blush pink, another olive green, while the remaining two were a pale blue.
And although none of them should have worked together, Jenni was rather pleased with the mismatched result.
It gave her workspace a cosy, creative feel, so different from the white walls that Alex had favoured.
Painting the shed had been her first rebellion; a reclaiming of her space.
Alex had always talked her out of the ideas she’d wanted to try, preferring a more restrained mid-century minimalism that was certainly stylish, but had never felt like her.
The fact that she’d used the money her dad had left her to buy out Alex made the flat extra special, as she felt it connected her to her dad.
Here, in the colourful muddle of her shed, Jenni could lose herself.
Twisting sections of fabric and securing them with rubber bands and lengths of string, knotting sleeves, experimenting with twine to create different patterns and effects, before plunging them into carefully mixed buckets of dye, then pegging the items out on her makeshift washing line.
Hours later, with small sleepsuits, toddler-sized T-shirts, leggings and socks of various sizes dangling colourfully from the line strung from one end of the shed to the other, Jenni headed back to the house for a cup of tea.
Oscar, asleep on the garden table, flattened an ear as she passed. She stopped to stroke him, the black pirate patch around his eye just visible from behind his tail, which he’d coiled around him.
Jenni smiled at him. She hadn’t realised how long she’d been occupied, and now the late spring light was darkening and shadows were stretching across the garden and up the garden fence.
Jenni looked around, seeing more signs of nature springing back to life after the long winter. She took a deep breath in and felt a moment of contentment.
This was fine, she thought. She was okay on her own. She could manage like this, just her and Oscar.
She didn’t need anyone else.