Chapter 17
CHLOE
That night, Evan and I worked together in sync—him making the waffles and me preparing the table and sides.
I’d run out to the market to buy fresh fruit and powdered sugar since all Evan had on hand was maple syrup.
I’d decided we needed to go all out and make waffles with the works, since this felt like a celebration of sorts.
From time to time, we’d reach for the same items or knock into each other while working at the counter, and my body would light up.
Then I’d think about what he’d said earlier, the fact that he wouldn’t be celibate, just single.
That continued to leave me consumed by jealousy.
It reminded me of the way I’d felt at twelve when I knew Evan had girlfriends at school or when I’d found condoms in his drawer.
Who did Evan plan to sleep with exactly? When would he do it if he was always with Effie? My mind went wild, imagining him sneaking off to a secret rendezvous during his lunch breaks, or maybe hooking up with a co-worker at the power plant.
Since I’d moved back in tonight, Evan’s overall demeanor toward me felt warmer. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something seemed different. I wondered if it was just my imagination, or my mind trying to will something into reality.
After dinner, when Effie left the kitchen to take a shower, that vibe intensified.
“Would you want to stay up and have a glass of wine with me?” Evan asked.
“Sure…” I managed, taken by surprise. “That sounds nice.”
“I feel like we need something adult-ish to balance the waffle dinner.”
“I haven’t had wine since I got here. And let’s just say, it’s been badly needed.”
“What do you like? I have red or white.”
“I think red sounds good.”
“All right.”
“I’d like to take a shower first, though. Wine makes me sleepy, so I might crash after.”
“Meet me in the living room at eight forty-five, then?”
I almost said, “It’s a date.” But that would’ve been delusional. “See you then,” I said instead.
I waited for Effie to be done with her shower and then slipped into the bathroom.
As I lathered soap over my body, I closed my eyes and imagined it was Evan touching me.
Just being in proximity to him again had put every nerve ending on high alert.
The invitation to join him for wine had come out of the blue.
I warned myself not to make a big deal out of it.
He’d asked me to join him for wine, not sex, for heaven’s sake.
After I got out, I put on my satin pajamas. I paused before buttoning my top, unsure whether I should put on a bra. But I didn’t normally wear one to bed, and I wanted to be comfortable, so I left it off. Or that’s what I told myself. Part of me wanted to test Evan, to see if he’d notice.
When I walked into the living room at eight forty-five sharp, Evan was already seated on the couch, wearing gray sweatpants and a tight white T-shirt that contrasted beautifully with his sun-kissed skin.
The sweatpants were form-fitting and left little to the imagination.
Two glasses of red had been poured and placed on the coffee table. Only a lamp lit the small living room.
“Hey,” he said, his voice low and husky.
I almost had to wonder if he was testing me as much as I was testing him. He handed me one of the glasses.
“Hi,” I whispered. I let out a long sigh as I settled into the couch.
“Long day?” He smiled.
“You have no idea,” I said, taking a sip.
“Pretty sure I had the same kind of day you did.” He leaned his back into the couch. “How serious were you with that guy?”
“I’ve mostly focused on my job the past few years. I’ve dated, but Scott was my first attempt at an actual relationship in that time. We were only together five months.”
“Did you live with him?”
“No. He’d asked me to move in, but I didn’t want to. I think I always kept one foot out of the relationship. More than anything, it was just a feeling that he wasn’t the one. Sometimes you can’t put your finger on why something isn’t working.”
“I understand. It needs to feel right to take that extra step.”
“Things didn’t feel right with Naomi, either?”
Evan shrugged. “It was convenient. She lives nearby when she’s not traveling for work.
She’s nice enough, but yeah, something was missing.
And to give someone a true, long-term commitment, there has to be no doubt for me.
It doesn’t make sense to waste someone’s time.
You were definitely the catalyst for pushing the inevitable along, though. ”
“You’re welcome?” I smiled goofily.
He placed his arm along the back of the couch. “Why did you really come back here today? Was the new house that bad?”
After a few seconds, I answered truthfully. “It wasn’t great, but I could’ve endured it. But this is the only place that feels like home right now.”
“Wow,” he muttered. “Okay.”
“Admitting that scares me a little.”
“I like having you here, too. And that scares me. Because I know it’s temporary.”
“What if it weren’t? How would that change things?”
“What good is even thinking about that?” Evan held my gaze, but he stayed silent, refusing to answer my question.
“It’s just a fantasy and a hypothetical, I guess.”
He looked over the rim of his glass. “What’s the point of entertaining a fantasy?”
His question made me think of my lingering curiosity over what Effie had confessed to me the first night I was here. Seemed the wine was already hitting me because I garnered the courage to bring it up. “Speaking of fantasies… What do you dream about when you call my name?” I blurted.
His eyes widened. “What?”
“The first night I was here, Effie asked me if I was the same Chloe you’ve called to in your dreams.” I inhaled sharply, nervous for his answer.
“Shit.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I honestly don’t know. That’s the truth. I don’t remember the dreams. But it can’t be a coincidence. They have to be about you.”
“Wow, you really don’t remember?”
“Not in the least.” His expression was sincere.
“Why do you think you dream of me?”
“If I had to guess?” He took a deep breath in.
“Because a long time ago, Chloe, you meant everything to me. And you seemed to assume the opposite. I led you to believe that. And I’ve lived with that guilt for a long time.
” He took a long sip of his wine. “You think I wanted you to leave for Northwestern? You were my comfort, my best friend… But I knew if I crossed the line, you never would’ve chased your dreams. I couldn’t have lived with that.
I’d gotten to travel overseas, to see a bit of the world.
And you hadn’t left Dry River once. I never wanted you to look at me and see someone who held you back or dragged you down. ”
My dreams? The strongest dream I’d ever had was to make love to this man once before I died. He clearly didn’t understand how much he’d meant to me.
I chose my words carefully. “I understand now why you pushed me away back then, even if the memory of it still stings. Obviously, I never had the courage to reach out and tell you I understood, and that I didn’t hold any resentment toward you.
I’m sorry for that. You shouldn’t have had to wonder whether I was still holding a grudge. ”
His gaze settled on mine. “I’m proud of you, Chloe…if I haven’t said that already. And I’m grateful for this chance to reconnect, even if it’s temporary.”
He kept using the word temporary while refusing to acknowledge my question from earlier about whether anything would be different if I lived here. Perhaps he didn’t want to hurt me by admitting that it wouldn’t change things.
“I’m proud of you, too,” I told him. “You’re an incredible father. Effie is lucky to have you.”
“I’m happy you’re getting to know her. She was really down after you left for the other rental.” He licked the corner of his mouth. “But I don’t want Effie to get her expectations up. Because once you’re gone…”
“I know. You don’t have to say it. I’ve thought a lot about that.
” Self-protective mode set in as I attempted to define our relationship.
“But there’s a difference between a woman you’re dating or going to marry, and a friend.
I’m a friend, right? I can frame my relationship with Effie that way, make sure she understands that as a friend, I’ll always be there for you and her.
I may not always be right here, but she doesn’t need to worry about me exiting her life. ”
Even as the words left my mouth, I felt an emptiness inside. Was I really going to pigeon-hole my relationship with Evan, cut off all hope of anything developing between us just to avoid someone getting hurt? I’d just friend-zoned myself. Great job, Chloe.
“That’s a very mature way of looking at things,” he said.
“I can be mature when I want to be.”
“Speaking of immaturity, remind me sometime to tell you what I did with that letter you sent me.” A low chuckle rumbled from his chest as he took another swig of wine.
“Oh God.” I laughed, feeling the wine going to my head. “Do I really want to know?”
He flashed a mischievous grin, and I yearned to reach across and run my hand through his hair.
It was curling around his ears, which always drove me crazy.
I definitely had a buzz now, and as was typical, that made me horny.
Everything about Evan was turning me on, from the way his white T-shirt stretched against the muscles of his chest to the veins visible on his arm as it wrapped around the couch.
Evan set his glass on the table and settled farther into the couch. “Tell me what it was about Scott that didn’t do it for you.”
“You want to have this conversation right now?”
“Is there a better time than alone in the living room over wine while Effie’s asleep?”
“Probably not.” I blew out a shaky breath and collected my thoughts.
“It was just…a feeling that he wasn’t the one.
He comes from a great family. They all seemed to love me.
They would’ve made a great second family, but that wasn’t reason enough to stay with him.
My feelings for Scott just weren’t strong enough.
” I hesitated. “And sexually, we weren’t as compatible as I’d hoped we’d be. ”
Evan studied me. “Compatible. Meaning the sexual chemistry wasn’t there. I know it wasn’t the other way around. Compatibility is a two-way street. Sounds to me like he was just a dead end, even though he wanted you badly.”
The roundabout compliment put my nipples on alert. I wanted Evan to want me that way, even if anything happening between us seemed impossible. Since way back in the day, one of my favorite things to do had been to provoke a reaction from him and analyze his response.
“He couldn’t make me come,” I confessed, certain I turned red.
Evan’s lips parted. “Well, that would do it.”
“I never told him. So maybe that’s on me.”
“Trust me, if he couldn’t make you come, there’s nothing you could’ve said that would’ve changed anything. It would’ve just made him feel like shit.”
“Do you know that from experience?” I teased.
“I’ve never been perfect when dating women, but I am happy to say, one thing I’ve never failed at is making someone come.”
I felt a little lightheaded. “As far as you know.”
“Pretty sure I felt all of them.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I mean…you just know.”
“How?”
“I told you, I can feel it.”
“But how? What does it feel like?”
He looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “It’s like a tightening…but multiple times in a row. Like a pulsating tightness, almost rhythmic. It feels amazing.”
My panties were about to combust. This man had no clue what he was doing to me right now. Just hearing him talk about that put my body in a state of painful longing. Was he intentionally driving me crazy? If he wasn’t, he had no idea how damn sexy he was, especially when he was talking like that.
Then he looked back at me. “How bad was it? Like, you never came or…?”
“Not once.” I coughed. “With him. I mean, I made myself, but…”
“Yeah.” He swallowed hard. “I got it.” He smirked. “Hair wand and all…”
“Exactly.” I felt my cheeks heat all over again.
Evan dug his nails into the back of the couch, then reached for his wine and downed the rest of it. I’d either made him uncomfortable, or he was just as turned on as I was at the moment.
He reached for the bottle. “Want any more?”
“I’d better not.”
“Yeah. Okay. Me, too.” He corked the bottle and reached for my empty glass.
He stood and took our glasses to the kitchen.
I guess the party’s over? I followed and watched as he placed them in the sink.
“Gonna head to bed,” he announced.
“Thank you for the wine,” I said.
“Yep.” His gaze moved down to my chest for a brief moment before he cleared his throat and walked away.
I promptly returned to my room, got under the covers, and slipped my hand between my legs. I worked my way to the most intense orgasm, while imagining myself pulsing in rhythmic movements around Evan’s cock.