Chapter 35
CHLOE
Did he just say what I think he did?
I blinked. “What are you talking about?”
“You heard it correctly.”
“How could you have moved to be with me when we weren’t even speaking?”
Evan ran a finger along his glass. “Well, it was going to be a leap of faith.”
My heart felt like it was in my mouth. “Tell me what happened.”
“You remember I told you that Katerina and I broke up before I found out about Effie…”
I tensed. “Yup.”
“Well, this was right after we’d ended things.
For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
At the time, my position at the power plant wasn’t as stable as it is today.
This engineering job opened about half an hour outside of Chicago.
I hadn’t even been looking, but I was contacted by a headhunter.
The only reason it appealed to me was because I would be closer to you.
I could come see you, maybe mend what’d gone wrong between us.
I didn’t feel like there was anything holding me back from confessing how I really felt about you. ”
Even though I suspected I knew the answer, I asked, “What happened?”
“Well, as you might’ve guessed, Katerina found out she was pregnant with Effie.”
I blinked hard, taking in his admission and realizing my entire life might’ve been different had he taken that job. I knew in my heart I would’ve welcomed him into my life and apologized for how I’d acted. We would’ve had a fresh start. God, where would we be today?
“Had you already accepted the job?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No. I was about to, though, when she gave me the news. The timing was very strange.”
Tell me about it. I felt robbed. “Does anyone else know you almost moved to Chicago?”
“Uncle Drew knows.”
“Does he know it had anything to do with me?”
He nodded. “Uncle Drew pretty much knows everything about everything.”
“No wonder he gave me funny looks at the party.” I looked away. “I’m honestly shocked.”
“I figured you would be, especially since I hadn’t been in touch with you all that time.
I didn’t know what I’d find when I got to Chicago.
I had no idea whether you had a boyfriend, and I certainly wasn’t sure you’d be receptive to anything happening between us.
But I’d decided to take a leap of faith, figuring the worst that could happen was I’d get to experience living in a new place for a while with a job that paid pretty damn well.
But I wouldn’t have even considered moving that far if you hadn’t been there. ”
I took a sip of wine, closing my eyes to let this soak in. “Okay, so tell me what things were like after that. You found out Katerina was pregnant, turned down the job, and then what?”
“Well, like I said, I’d never given my notice at the power plant.
So, my job there was still safe. But as far as my personal life, I was in shock about the pregnancy news for a while.
And I also had to mourn any plans I’d had when it came to you.
Once the depression wore off, I decided I needed to man up and do the right thing. ”
“Which was getting back together with Katerina.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “And eventually marrying her.”
“When you broke up initially, before you knew she was pregnant, who initiated it?”
“I did.” He looked up from his glass, his stare penetrating. “And I think by now you can figure out why.”
My chest felt hollow. “I never imagined that you had feelings for me at that time. I was off in college, oblivious to it all.”
“Well, that was a good thing, considering what happened. It would’ve been harder if I’d gone out there, reconnected with you, and then gotten the news.”
“I think you’re right. That would’ve been devastating.” I sighed. “So Katerina took you back, and you made it work for the sake of the baby…”
“It wasn’t that simple. Neither of us wanted a kid at that time. The idea took some getting used to. She also didn’t quite trust that we should get back together. She felt like I was forcing it, and that was the truth for a while.”
“Did you ever love her?”
“I grew to, yes. Especially after Effie was born.”
That made my stomach a little unsettled. It was easier to just assume he’d never had true feelings for Effie’s mother.
Evan adjusted his position on the couch.
“You know how if you want something bad enough, sometimes you can make it happen, or at least maybe trick yourself into believing it? That’s how it was with Katerina.
I had myself so convinced that our marriage needed to work that I developed tunnel vision.
I didn’t look at other women. I tried not to let myself wonder what my life would be like out of that relationship.
I just became determined not to fail, and in the process, I fell for it.
I’d always been attracted to her, and back in the early days, she was a really good mother.
Watching her grow and love on my daughter? It did make me love her, too.”
Heat crept up my neck. I couldn’t help feeling a bit jealous, even if there was no basis for it anymore. I didn’t know Katerina, but I did know she’d gotten to experience things with Evan that I hadn’t. And she’d thrown it all away.
“When did things start to change?” I asked.
“When Effie was about four. It was as if all of the progress we’d made started going in reverse.
One night I had a bit too much to drink and confessed that I was having doubts about the marriage and wasn’t feeling fulfilled.
After that, Katerina started going out with her friends more, leaving me home with Effie at night.
It was a pretty dramatic change. It was like my admission led her to realize she’d been feeling the same way.
” He exhaled. “I thought we could work it out. When I opened up to her about how I was feeling, I hadn’t meant for it to end the marriage.
But she only spiraled more and more after that.
Going out morphed into overnights with friends.
Before I knew it, she’d asked for a separation and then started dating the guy she’s with now. ”
I nodded. “And it only got worse from there…”
“Correct. She went from not wanting the marriage to not wanting a family at all…and then not even being physically present.”
I shook my head. “I can’t imagine what that was like for Effie.”
“Effie was so much younger when her mom first left. It’s harder now that she has more awareness, more of an understanding of right and wrong.”
“The guy Katerina’s with, does he have any children?”
“No.”
Staring at my reflection in the glass, I fell into a daze. “I’m still in shock that you ever planned to come to Chicago. I’m trying really hard not to feel cheated because I would never wish for Effie not to be here. I do think things happened the way they were meant to.”
He nodded. “Everything happens for a reason. I tell myself that all the time.”
Nonetheless, my understanding of what could’ve been now cast a shadow over the evening.
Evan broke the mood, though, when he slid his hand over to my thigh.
My breath hitched. “What are you doing?”
“I want you,” he whispered. “Right now.”
“We can’t with Effie in the house.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t want you.”
I reciprocated, reaching over to cup his package. It was hard and throbbing.
“You weren’t kidding.” I ran my tongue along my bottom lip.
“What do you expect when you come in here and give me a show with those beautiful tits? If it weren’t so damn cold, I’d sneak you outside and fuck you in my truck right now.”
“You romantic, you. That’s a step down from the closet.”
He chuckled, and I abruptly stood.
His brows furrowed. “Where are you going?”
“Putting you out of your misery.”
He rose to his feet. “What do you mean?”
“The longer I stay out here with you, the harder it’s going to be since we’re both horny. I might as well just go to bed.”
“I can be good. I just need a minute to pipe down.”
But it was more than that. I was feeling very emotional about what he’d admitted tonight, and I didn’t want him to catch on. “It’s late,” I said. “I have an early web meeting tomorrow, so I’d better try to get some sleep.”
“Okay, then.” He frowned.
“You going to bed, too?” I asked.
“Gonna take a cold shower first.”
As I walked toward my room, I looked over my shoulder. “I know what that’s code for.”
“You got me.” He winked.
I’m so gonna miss living here.