Chapter 37
EVAN
Uncle Drew sat across from me at Buck’s, a local bar. I’d asked him to meet me here during my lunch break.
“You don’t normally ask to meet for a drink in the middle of the day,” he noted. “This must be serious.”
I exhaled, rubbing my eyes. I’d barely slept since Chloe hung up on me a few days ago. I’d only spoken to her once since then, and it had been very brief before she told me she had to go. She didn’t answer when I’d tried to ring her yesterday.
“This is about Chloe?” Drew correctly assumed.
I nodded. “I fucked up, Drew.”
“You slept with her?”
“Well, that, too. But that’s not what I’m referring to.”
“What happened?”
I hadn’t seen him since the Halloween party. So I got him up to speed on the situation, starting with Chloe moving into the big house and ending with her hanging up on me.
“When did that happen?”
“A few days ago. I’ve called to check on her, but she either doesn’t answer or tells me she’s in the middle of something work-related.”
“What really bothered you about her ordering that stuff for Effie?”
I took a sip of my beer and stared down into the bottle. “Effie came home that night happier than I’d probably ever seen her. It made me scared.”
“Scared for her, or scared for you?”
I tightened my fist around the beer. “Maybe both.”
He nodded and then just stared at me for a few seconds. “Not everyone is Katerina, you know. It’s not fair to Chloe that you project what happened with your ex onto her.”
“Okay, but aside from my personal hangups, how could this not end badly when her entire life is back in Chicago? Even if she doesn’t mean to hurt Effie, she’s bound to.”
“Hurt Effie. Right. There you go again.”
“Okay.” I rolled my eyes. “Fuck you. Hurt us.”
“I don’t have all the answers here,” he said.
“But my motto has always been where there’s a will, there’s a way.
You haven’t given her a reason to want to give up her life in Chicago.
You’ve had sex with her. That’s about it.
Until you’re willing to chance getting hurt, you’re gonna continue to inadvertently act like a dick to protect yourself.
That’s not going to win you any points or help your relationship evolve, monkey brains. ”
I sighed. “Well, I can always count on you not to hold back.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
I was grateful to have Drew for a sounding board. And he was right. This was my situation to figure out. I had a lot of fixing to do.
***
That afternoon, I dropped Effie at Drew and Maura’s while I went over to the house to make things right with Chloe.
Even though it was technically my house, I didn’t use my key to get in. Instead, I knocked. But it wasn’t Chloe who came to the door. It was Judy’s caretaker, Millie.
“Hi,” I said. “Is Chloe home?”
Millie shook her head. “She went to the storage unit for an hour.”
“Ah.” I let that sink in. Chloe had put the storage unit cleanout on hold recently. I’d taken that as a sign that she didn’t feel like she was going anywhere anytime soon. The fact that she’d resumed that was telling.
“How’s Judy?” I asked.
Millie’s expression was sullen. “Well, she’s sleeping now. But she had a rough morning. I think that’s why Chloe needed to get out for a bit.”
I’d been so stuck up my own ass when it came to Chloe that I hadn’t considered how hard it must be for her to live in this house, where everything looked like she remembered on the outside, but nothing was actually the same. And on top of that, Judy’s condition was deteriorating.
“Thank you,” I told Millie. “I’ll catch up with her over there.”
I got back in my truck and drove to the storage unit. When I arrived, the door was open, and I could see Chloe sifting through some of the remaining items.
“Hey…”
She flinched before she turned. “Oh my gosh.” She placed her hand on her chest. “You scared me. I assumed that was someone else’s truck I heard pull up.”
“I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry.” Slipping my hands into my pockets, I said, “I went by the house, but Millie told me you were here.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been getting lazy about finishing up here, but lately it’s felt like more of a priority.”
Because she’s leaving.
Because I’ve all but driven her out of town.
“Come here.” I charged toward her, taking her into my arms.
Her entire body stiffened. “What are you doing?”
I squeezed her tighter. “I’m so fucking sorry, Chloe.”
“You were just protecting Effie. It’s okay.” She tried to pull away, but I only tightened my grip.
“No, it’s really not,” I said, burying my face in her neck.
“You did a good thing for my daughter, and I shit all over it. I should’ve thanked you and left it at that.
But I let fear get in the way, convinced myself I needed to protect her from falling too hard and fast for you, when in fact, I’m the one who’s been falling fast.”
“I’ve been sad,” Chloe finally admitted.
I moved back to look her in the eyes. “Will you forgive me?”
“Yeah,” she murmured.
“I’ve missed you so much.” I caressed her cheek. “Millie said your mom had a rough day.”
She started to cry. “It’s not working.”
“What’s not working, baby?” I didn’t know if she was talking about Millie or us.
Chloe shook her head. “I thought if I brought her to the old house, it might spark something, or maybe she’d be more at peace.
But it’s been just the opposite. If anything, she’s more irritable.
She’s eating even less. And keeping Millie around is not financially sustainable.
I hate to say it, but I think my mother would be better off in the facility again.
I feel like a failure having to put her back there, though. ” She closed her eyes tightly.
I took her into my arms again. “You’re not a failure. You tried. You’ve done more for her than anyone.” Squeezing her close, I spoke softly in her ear. “Judy wouldn’t want you to be sad. She loves you so much, and she’d be so proud of how you’ve handled everything.”
She sniffled. “The weird thing is, so many times I’ve wanted to call my mom to vent since I’ve been here. Can you imagine? Call my mom to vent about my mom? It’s like for a split second I forget.”
“You can always vent to me, even if it’s about me.”
She wiped her eyes and laughed. “Well, you would’ve gotten an earful a few days ago.”
“I’m sure.” I sighed, looking around. “Are you done here?”
Chloe looked around. “Not quite…”
“Come back to my house with me. Effie is with Drew and Maura. Let me take care of you for a few hours. Then I’ll drive you back to your car here on the way to pick her up.”
She lifted her brow. “Define take care.”
“Literally anything you want or need. It doesn’t have to be sex.”
“Okay…” She wiped her eyes one last time and conceded. “Let’s go.”
Chloe was quiet on the ride to the house. I decided to take a little detour, stopping at a mountainous overlook that had meant something to us at one time.
I parked my truck. “Let’s get out for a bit.”
Chloe didn’t have to ask why I’d brought her to this spot.
She and I each leaned against a wooden rail as we looked out at the vast open space.
The wind was particularly powerful out here.
Despite the breathtaking view, making her feel better was going to be a tall order, especially when I suspected I was still partly to blame for her mood.
“Do you remember when you first took me here?” I asked.
She nodded as she looked out at the mountains. “Yeah.”
“After I came back from Germany, and the reality of being home without my mother here anymore was weighing on me, you seemed to sense that something was wrong before anyone else did. You asked if I wanted to take a drive. We came here and sat, and I admitted for the first time just how out of sorts I’d felt since returning. ”
“Of course I remember.”
“I’d been trying to put on a strong front. But you were the only one who saw through it.” I turned to her. “I feel like the situation you’re in right now mirrors that. You’re home, but it doesn’t quite feel like home.”
She took my hand. “The only things that feel like home anymore are you and Effie.” Her gaze returned to the spectacular view.
“I know you think I spoiled her to win some points or something, but I just love seeing her happy. She’s been the best distraction possible during one of the most difficult times in my life. ”
“She’s sort of what you were to me back then.”
“I think so, yeah.” Chloe smiled. “Even though she’s young, she understands so much.
She was especially sweet after she saw my mom.
I think she kind of felt bad for me. At the same time, it seems like maybe she feels less alone knowing that someone else is struggling with their mom issues, albeit differently. ”
I nodded. “I think it was a good learning experience for her to meet Judy. It’s hard to explain dementia.
You sort of have to see it for yourself to understand how someone could be physically present but not necessarily there.
She asked a lot of questions at dinner that night, but she seemed to get it. ”
“I feel like my mom won’t be around much longer, Evan. I hate to admit that, but I feel it in my bones.”
I squeezed her hand. “Do you think it’s time to tell Fawn she needs to come home?”
“I keep thinking I don’t want to bother her, but given that Mom hasn’t been eating, I probably need to let her know just how bad it’s gotten. Dad, too.”
“He hasn’t visited her at all?”
A flicker of hurt crossed her face. “I think it’s easier for him to pretend it’s not happening. Then he doesn’t have to feel any guilt that comes along with not being there for her anymore.”
I shook my head. “He’s gonna wake up one day and regret not visiting her.”
“You’re right.”
“You need my help? I could call them, if you don’t want to deal with it.”
“No.” She rubbed her arms. “It’s something I have to do.”
“You getting cold?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s get out of here, then. You said Millie’s with your mom until eleven, right?”
She nodded as she stood.
I linked her hand with mine. “We’ll go back to my place.”
After we got to the house, I knew I couldn’t do anything else tonight until I got something off my chest. It couldn’t wait. The moment we entered the kitchen, I reached into the drawer for a pink sticky note.