Chapter 41
CHLOE
I stared at the stack of mail on my kitchen counter in Chicago. While I’d had the important bills forwarded to Evan’s place in Wyoming, a fair amount of junk mail and miscellaneous stuff was still waiting for me here.
I’d been back two weeks now and still hadn’t bothered to open anything.
My apartment was eerily quiet, the low hum of the refrigerator all too noticeable.
I’d never realized how lonely it was. While I used to relish the quiet of living alone, compared to the house full of life I’d come back from, this seemed depressing.
A knock at the door startled me, although I knew it was my friend Liz, who’d said she would bring over a bottle of wine so we could catch up. While we’d spoken on the phone, I hadn’t seen her since I’d returned to Chicago.
“Hey,” I said as I opened the door.
“Hey, you.” She gave me a big hug and handed me the wine, along with a box of cookies from the bakery around the corner. She must’ve been running around because her short blond hair looked a bit disheveled.
I inspected the cookies. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“Well, they’re for me, too. Don’t worry.”
“Let me get some glasses so we can nosh.”
Liz sat on one of the stools at my small kitchen counter. I popped open the bottle of Riesling and poured us each a glass.
“I was glad I could catch you,” she said. “I was away when you first got back and worried I’d miss you. You originally told me you were only coming home for a week, but you decided to stay longer?”
I ran my finger along the rim of the glass and frowned. “Yeah. I’m not sure if it’s a good time for me to go back to Wyoming just yet.”
She took a sip. “What’s going on?”
“A lot has happened.” Sadness washed over me.
“I think it’s time to break out the sweets,” she said as she opened the box.
Over wine and cookies, I explained the status of my relationship with Evan, ending with his ex-wife returning to Dry River just before I left.
Liz spoke with her mouth full. “Did that woman have a radar? She sensed that you were leaving or something?”
“Seriously…” I rolled my eyes. “The timing couldn’t have been worse.”
“Why should you let her deter you from going back, though?”
That led to the part I hadn’t mentioned and why I’d been particularly torn up as of late.
“About a week after I left, Effie sent me an email.” I hesitated. “She told me how happy she was that her mother was back, and apparently Katerina has assured her that she won’t be leaving this time. Effie alluded to hoping her parents get back together.”
Liz’s eyes widened. “She thought you’d be happy to hear that?”
“Apparently, Evan and I have done a great job of convincing Effie that I’m just a very good family friend. I’m sure she didn’t understand that her email would upset me.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “I just have a bad feeling about this.”
“You don’t think Evan would take her back, do you?”
“I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “I mean, they separated for a reason. But…” I paused. This was the part that made me doubt my instincts. “I also know Evan would do anything for his daughter. And there’s nothing Effie wants more than her mother back in her life.”
“He couldn’t possibly trust that woman again…”
“I would hope not. But then I think about how things have played out in the past. They’d broken up before he found out she was pregnant.
He got back together with her because of Effie.
He told me he grew to care about Katerina, too.
Who’s to say he couldn’t decide to give it another try if she’s claimed to have straightened out her head? ”
Liz grimaced. “But what about you? You can’t just pretend what you and he had didn’t mean anything.”
A knot formed in my chest. “We were supposed to have told Effie about us right before my mother died. Then Katerina came back to town, and it never happened. And then, of course, I left.” Misery washed over me.
“But now that I know Effie has her hopes up about her mother and father getting back together, how could I break her heart? She’s going to hate me. ”
Liz narrowed her eyes. “Not to sound mean, but she’ll get over it.
If Evan cares about you, he’s not going to force himself to be with that woman.
He’s older and more mature now than when Effie was born.
And that sweet little girl loves you, from what you’ve told me.
Her mother can be in her life without being romantically attached to her father.
And anyway, this shouldn’t be solely about what Effie wants, no matter how affected you were by her email.
However, I do think you need some clarity from Evan on where things stand.
Maybe even more so, you need to give him some indication of where your head is. ”
She was right. How could Evan make any informed decision when I’d been too scared to fully open my heart for fear of getting hurt?
“Do you love him?” she asked.
Her question hit me right in the chest. “So much it hurts.”
“Then you need to let him know.”
“And what about the logistics?”
She waved her hand dismissively. “You can figure that out later.”
I rubbed my temples. “I haven’t written Effie back because I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid to respond to anything having to do with her mother because I don’t want to seem like a fraud.”
“You don’t need to address it at all. Just send her a generic reply, letting her know how you’re doing and that you’re thinking of her. Keep it vague.”
That made some sense. I took a deep breath. “Okay.”
After Liz left, I finally started going through the mail that had come in while I was away.
I vowed that tomorrow would be a new day.
I would no longer hide my true feelings for Evan out of fear.
I’d call him and tell him I loved him and wanted to figure out how to make things work, if that was something that he also wanted.
I’d face the truth—whatever it might be.
Even if I ended up getting hurt, at least I wouldn’t live with the regret of never having said what was in my heart.
Deciding to give myself a mental break from the rumination that had paralyzed me since returning to Chicago, I ordered some sushi to be delivered.
That was one thing you couldn’t get in Dry River; there were no good Japanese places.
I figured maybe I’d also binge a TV show to get my mind off of things.
The doorbell rang, and I rushed to the door, starving after not having eaten for most of the day.
But when I opened, my heart practically leaped through my chest. Because it wasn’t a delivery man standing there.