Chapter 43 Make Me Forget #3
Those feelings are already too deep. They’ve sunk their claws in and they’re not letting go. I don’t know if I want them to.
“Chicken nugs or Big Mac?” Tess calls from the living room as I make it to the bottom of the steps. Her face appears in front of me suddenly. “Oh my god. Please don’t tell me you’re a filet-o-fish person. Because that might be too far.” Her eyes are wide as she looks at me with horror.
God, I love her.
“Big Mac with a side of nugs,” I reply, enjoying the relief on her face at my words.
“This,” she points at me dramatically, “is why I love you.”
Then she’s gone. Back to her phone to place the order I’m guessing.
I take a moment to breathe while I’m alone.
My eyes squeeze shut, a tremor running through my body as I recall what Nikolai did to her.
She’s clearly using her dramatic personality to cover the hurt and the trauma.
I’ll be here though, when she inevitably crashes again.
“I’ve ordered us both cokes!”
I roll my eyes as I walk through the house to find her.
She’s sitting cross legged on my sofa, her wild red hair in a messy bun on top of her head (I won’t tell her that she’s got one big chunk that she’s missed falling down her back).
Those big green eyes light up when she sees me, the swirling golds even more vibrant. She looks like she belongs here.
Maybe she does.
The sofa creaks as I sit beside her, offering a reassuring presence. I hope.
“My mother was there,” she states simply, letting the words hang in the air. “When I got home, that is.”
“Your adoptive one?” I ask, although I’m pretty sure I already know the answer.
She shakes her head. “Anastasia.”
“What did she want?” I keep my tone neutral.
Tess laughs bitterly. “A relationship.” Her eyes find mine. “Can you believe that? After everything she’s done?”
I shrug. “At least you have a parent that wants a relationship with you.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Her mouth gapes open.
“I’m sorry. Fuck.” I run a hand through my hair. “I didn’t mean that. Please ignore me.”
“She tried to marry me off, Kai.”
“I know!” I snap, frustrated. I sigh, softening my tone. “I’m just dealing with a lot of shit in my head right now and I didn’t think before speaking.”
“What’s going on in your head?” She places a hand over my arm, squeezing it in quiet reassurance.
I let my head fall back against the sofa cushions. “Just… my dad. All that fun trauma.”
“Want to talk about it? I know I don’t seem like it, but I can be a good listener.”
I chuckle despite myself. “I believe it, Hurricane. I don’t even know where to start.”
“The beginning is usually a good shout.”
I poke her ribs.
“You know how my dad just left me, in the middle of the night?” My voice is hoarse. The memory presses in, a weight on my chest. I roll my shoulders, trying to shake it off.
Tess inhales like she wants to say something, but I keep going. “I keep wondering… what could I have done differently?” My hands tighten into fists. I force them open. Breathe. “Could I have stopped him from abandoning me?
“You skipping out in the middle of the night has brought it all back up to the surface.”
Tess opens her mouth, sucking in a breath, but I keep going. “It’s not that I don’t understand your reasons. I do. But I’m struggling to compute that you might not leave. That someone would stay with me forever.”
My honesty surprises even myself. I’m not normally so emotionally vulnerable.
Tess waits to see if I’m done before speaking. “You say you can’t believe someone would stay with you. But what about Nate?”
I scrunch up my nose. “That’s different. Nate’s… Nate.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Is it different? He’s been with you through everything. He’s never abandoned you.”
Is she right?
Tess pushes on. “You’re scared that no one will love you. Because your mum didn’t. And your dad left.
“Nate loves you. You have to know that.”
The words land like a slap. My mind stutters over them, trying to process.
Nate’s been there since we were kids. Through everything. He’s never left.
Why have I never let that count?
She gets up then straddles my lap. “And I love you. I will prove to you every day that I’m not going anywhere.”
I exhale. A weight lifting from my lungs. I pull her closer, inhaling her scent as I bury my head in her shoulder.
“Thank you.”
A knock sounds at the door and Tess runs to collect the food.
We eat in silence.
Tess flips on Friends. The laughter track rings through the room, but it barely registers. I stare at the screen, not really watching.
A text from Nate chimes on my phone.
Nate: You down for a clean-up tonight?
Kai: Seriously?
I can practically hear the whine in his next text.
Nate: I didn’t get to have any real fun in Russia. I need this.
I groan, which has Tess leaning over my shoulder with curiosity just as another text comes through.
Nate: Who’s the lucky bastard?
Nate: Make it a good one. I’m feeling creative tonight.
Nate: Oh, and do me a favour—don’t pick someone too small. The last one broke too fast, and that was just boring.
Tess stiffens beside me. Another message chimes in.
Nate: And for God’s sake, let me have this one alone. Last time you rushed the clean-up, and I barely got to enjoy myself.
I lock my phone. Fucking hell.
Tess looks at me with wide eyes.
“Sorry my friend is a psychopath,” I wince.
She shakes her head at me. “Psychopath would suggest he feels no empathy. Nate has that in spades. He’s just…”
“Unhinged?” I offer.
She grins. “Exactly that.”
I’m not expecting it when she asks, “Can I come?”
My eyebrows raise. “I’m not saying yes to him.”
She actually pouts. “Why not?”
I dramatically present my leg to her.
She laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corner. “Right. Yeah.”
I text Nate a photo of my leg and a middle finger in answer then settle back into the sofa.
Tess leans into me, her fingers absentmindedly tracing shapes on my arm.
I should be used to this feeling by now.
The uncertainty. The deep, gnawing fear that no one stays forever.
But she’s still here.
Despite everything.
Her warmth seeps into my skin, anchoring me in a way I don’t understand.
For the first time, I wonder… what if she does?