10. Sloane #3
Delaney, who’s sitting on the floor next to her bed, painting her toenails a vibrant red, looks up at me.
“I am so confused. Aren’t men at thirty-eight who fuck girls in their early twenties supposed to only be after one thing?
Does he want to like… date? Even though you’re supposed to leave for college?
I was under the impression this was just a fun little fling on both sides?
Wasn’t he all ‘I should settle down and stop fucking around and I want kids?’” She stares at me with wide eyes before craning her neck to make an obvious show that she’s looking at my stomach. “You are too young for kids!”
“I know, Delaney! I am not pregnant, relax. And I think if we were to take things to a more serious level, he wouldn’t pressure me into popping them out right now.
He knows I’m young.” I swallow, briefly thinking about what it would be like to have a child with him.
“I just don’t want to hurt him. I like him… a lot.”
“Are you sure you don’t just like the mind-blowing sex you’ve been having with the hot older man? You sure you’re not just dickmatized?” She chuckles.
“No… I like him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I know he’s a lot older than me, but we just click, D. And I mean okay, I know I haven’t done a lot of dating…”
“Right, and you are not in the position to make him your first official boyfriend.”
“What if I just… didn’t tell him?”
She raises an eyebrow at me before bringing her toes up, closer to her face to inspect her work. “Well, no… I’m not suggesting you tell him you’re in high school. But you do need to break it off,” she says before letting her foot back down.
“What if I just ‘came home on the weekends’?” I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I’m desperate at this point.
I like this guy, and there’s no way I can keep seeing him after Monday, and I hate it.
I knowingly got into this situation with an expiration date, and now I’m trying to figure out how to extend it even though it’s impossible.
“Do you know how hard it would be to keep up that ruse? He’d have questions about school, probably want to see pictures of your dorm or the campus, and as things got more serious, he’d want to come visit!
Sloane, be serious. He’s already asked,” she says, followed by a deadpanned expression.
“And I mean, if you like him as much as you say you do, you need to be honest with him. You can’t build a relationship based on a lie. ”
“Ugh!” I scoff. “I know. I know,” I groan, letting my head fall back into her plush pillows. “How did I get here?”
“You lied to a guy about your age… and the fact that you’re in high school. Now you like him, and he likes you, and you wonder how it got complicated?”
“That helps. Thanks,” I grumble, still staring at the ceiling, wishing that the answer to what to do would suddenly fall from it. “It was supposed to be a fling.” One harmless lie, when I thought I’d never see him again, has now turned into a disaster.
“I get that, and I was all for having some fun with him. But you have to break it off. There’s a word for men close to their forties dating girls in high school.”
“Daddy?” I wince.
“Creep,” she quips, while pointing her nail polish applicator at me. “Or felon but… your age keeps him safe from that one.”
I am fully aware that I am the worst.
That is the only reason it's two days before I’m supposed to start high school, and I haven’t told River anything.
Not about the current situation.
Not the truth or even a lie that gets me out of this current situation.
I’ve just gone on like everything is normal.
It’s Saturday morning, and I’m hanging out with him today before I leave later this afternoon for college.
“I had fun with you these past two weeks,” he murmurs against my lips while we lie in his bed.
“Me too.”
“I know I pressed you before about me coming down there, but… I know you want to be free to do whatever you want.” He chuckles.
“Sorry I put that on you. Sometimes I do really forget how young you are. When I was twenty-one, I surely didn’t want a somewhat long-distance…
‘situationship’ is what the kids call it.
” He props his head up on his fist, and I want to tell him it is absolutely not like that.
Shut up and take the out, Sloane!
“It has nothing to do with other guys. I just know I’ll probably be busy, and you’ll be busy, and you may want to date other women. Liiiike one of Ellie’s friends.” I tap his nose before dragging it down his perfect lips that I will definitely miss.
“Yeah, I think that ship sailed.” He laughs, before gently sucking my finger into his mouth and nibbling on it gently.
I hesitate briefly, letting out a giggle before removing my finger from his mouth. “In a perfect world, we would meet when I graduate from college instead of before I even start. I’m sorry that our timing sucks.”
“Well, maybe we can circle back in four years.”
More like five. “And I’ll be home for the holidays. Maybe… I’ll see you then?” I offer even though that’s also an awful idea because he’ll have questions about my first semester that I won’t be able to provide.
Cross that bridge then.
He lies back down on his back, bringing me to rest against his chest. “I’d love to see you whenever you have time.”
My heart squeezes because how is it that this man, who has never had an interest in settling down or getting serious, has taken an interest in… me?
I’ve told so many lies at this point that I don’t even know how I’ll ever get out of it without having to self-destruct.
Would this all be easier if I just told him?
If he ends it, he ends it. At least we’ll have closure and he won’t feel like I just have no interest in seeing him because I am too busy fucking my way through my freshman year of college.
“River…” I whisper before tilting my head up from where it’s resting on his chest.
“Yeah?”
My mouth opens, but very different words come out. “I’m really going to miss you.”