10. I’m not giving this crap to you again. #2
I wondered if I should warn Thomas or his son my Bailey would turn their world upside down within minutes of meeting her. I decided against it. Some things took seeing to believe, and I’d yet been able to convince a male gorgon my bride would happily take them on and win.
They foolishly believed I was the true threat in our hive of two.
“I look forward to hearing from you soon, Thomas.” I hung up and shook my head.
Sunny watched me, her head canted to the side.
“I’ve invited a mouse to a dinner date with the cat, but the mouse believes he’s a lion, and the cat?
Well, she’s a stubborn fire-breathing unicorn lacking a sense of self-preservation and a temper.
This summer is going to be interesting.”
Sunny showed her teeth in a canine grin.
Bailey
The last time I’d been so sick I viewed pouring a can of soup down my throat as a viable option, I’d been hospitalized and kept in the ICU for longer than I cared to think about.
With my morning already shot to hell thanks to a relentless cough, I thought I was being practical wanting to just go back to bed, chug whatever fluids were required to keep me alive, and sleep it off.
Perkette didn’t agree with me, and her first act as an evil dictator involved me taking a hot soak in the hotel tub and sipping warm soup from a mug. I appreciated the soup; it beat my first plan, which involved a can and a complete disregard for my taste buds.
Blizzard and Avalanche kept me company in the bathroom, although I suspected both of the furry monsters wanted me to feed them. They stared at me, I stared at them, and I lost the staring contest each and every time I coughed or sneezed.
“Kill me, Perkette,” I whined.
Perky’s wife poked her head into the bathroom. “You have a cold. You’re not dying. And no, I refuse to feed you cold soup out of a can. That is the most disgusting and vile thing I have ever heard of in my life.”
“It works!”
“No, it doesn’t. Yes, it provides basic hydration, but it is not suitable for sick individuals.
I’m going to call Sam, tell him I’m keeping an eye on you, and that you probably won’t call him until the evening as you’ll be sleeping off your cold while I drive.
And yes, I already fed both monsters, and Blizzard already had his walk.
You should be happy your pets like you.”
I was, but it didn’t explain why both were staring at me. “You’re mean.”
“I’m mean for refusing to kill you?”
I nodded.
“That’s not how this works, Bailey. First, Sam would kill me if I killed you, and I like living. Second, your pets would be sad, even that soul-sucking ocelot.”
I stared at the soul-sucking ocelot, who found the tip of Blizzard’s tail to be absolutely fascinating, doing her best to pounce despite being wobbly on her paws.
“Avalanche isn’t very menacing right now.
She’s a lot sleeker than I expected. And those spots, Perkette.
Look at those spots. How can you say such mean things about a kitten with such cute spots? ”
“There’s a reason ocelots are prized for their pelts.
I think she’s stunted, but she should start growing like a weed with the right care.
She’s a very lucky kitten to have a fire-breathing unicorn trudge out in a snowstorm to save her.
So, you can’t reach your expiration date.
You have to take care of the spotted kitten so you can give her to Sam for Christmas.
But I’m pretty sure she’s your kitten. Kittens can bond with their mothers, and with her mother gone, you’re now next in line.
But I’m sure Sam will love the challenge of convincing his kitten to love him, too. ”
“I’m a terrible wife, stealing my husband’s kitten.” I sneezed, which startled both animals, and they glared at me. “Sorry.”
“You’re a fantastic wife. Sam adores you, and you’re everything he needs. Despite what you may believe, you’re a good friend, too. Crazy but good. Okay, there’s a whole lot of crazy packed into that tiny body of yours, but whatever. I prefer crazy over boring.”
“You’re a mad scientist married to a mad scientist with a puzzle fetish. Are you capable of doing boring?”
“Lab experiments can be very boring. You have to do the same thing hundreds of times with minor changes to see what happens. But the results are worth the boring. I just try to do a lot of interesting experiments between the long stretches of boring experiments. Anyway, my mad scientist with a puzzle fetish prefers being a cop, but I’ve caught him poking around my lab a few times. ”
“For some reason, the idea of Perky in a lab scares me.”
“Despite the bullshit you like to spout, that’s because you’re smart. Yeah, he can be scary if you put him in a lab. He’d be a god in a forensics lab, but he loves the beat too much.”
“I’m surrounded by weirdos.”
“And you’re our queen. No one does weirdo quite as well as you do.”
I splashed at the bubbles in the tub. “Are you really sure you can’t put me out of my misery?”
“I’m sure. Don’t let the water get cold and soak until I say you can come out. You always have a hard time getting your core body temperature up, and that’s not helping. I’ll bring more broth for you in a few minutes. I will expect you to drink it all. We clear?”
As Perkette redefined stubborn, I gave up without a fight. She’d win, and we both knew it. “Okay.”
“Good girl. You’ll be fine. I’ll give your man a call and make sure he doesn’t freak out.
The last thing we need is him freaking out and raining on our parade right now.
If he thinks he needs to rescue you from your cold, he’s going to show up after breaking every speed limit between where he’s at and us. ”
He would. “I’m sorry I’m sick.”
Perkette rolled her eyes. “You’ll only be sorry if you don’t keep that water warm and drink your soup.”
Quinn
Dodging an excited puppy and two whelps, I did a final check of the room while Perkins handled charting our route to chase after our wives. My phone rang, and I glanced at the display, recognizing Tiffany’s number. Narrowing my eyes, I answered, “Good morning, Tiffany.”
“Not fair, using your Caller ID to identify me. I was hoping you’d answer as a smug police chief.”
What had I been thinking encouraging Bailey to befriend the mad scientist? Ah, right. Tiffany was a wonderful woman even when a pain in the ass. “You’re in a good mood. What can I do for you?”
“Your woman’s soaking in the tub, whining because she has a cold.
Don’t listen to her whining. She’s fine.
I’m keeping an eye on her. I’m calling you because until she’s able to communicate in something other than raspy coughs and sneezes, I’m limiting her phone time.
Right now, she has a puppy and a kitten watching her.
I know she got the kitten for you, but it’s her kitten.
I’m pretty sure the poor thing is bonding with her.
Avalanche was trying to nurse on her knuckle last night while she was sleeping.
And yes, I fed the kitten milk, but she’s all over your woman. ”
“I figured that would happen,” I admitted. “How bad is she? I’m going to contact the specialists in Texas after I’m off the phone with you.”
“So far, so good. If you can get a detail sheet for their work, I’d like a copy emailed to me.
I’ll try to figure out what makes her tick so we can avoid another reboot of her immune system.
Right now, I’m focusing on keeping her core temperature up.
We’re headed south to get out of this cold weather. ”
“Can you go west more first, please?”
“West? Why?”
“I’d prefer if Bailey went nowhere near Florida at this point in time.”
“Why?”
If I hid anything from Tiffany, she’d go to Arthur, and once she went to Arthur, it would be game over anyway. “Remember Janet’s old cadet she booted for behavior inappropriate for a member of the force? Anyway, he’s causing problems in Florida.”
“Janet? Oh, that hot number of a brunette you use as a spokesperson when you don’t want to deal with the media?”
I sighed. “That ‘hot number of a brunette’ has almost as many degrees as you.”
Tiffany laughed. “I know, she attends my lectures sometimes. You should be encouraging Bailey to hang out with Janet. They’re a good match. And you need to toss Janet in Amanda’s self-defense courses. She’s weak on her right side.”
Rubbing at a temple, I observed the tangle of children and puppy at my feet.
Sunny beat my leg with her tail, and the children wrapped themselves around my ankles, which made doing my sweep of the room a challenge.
“All right. I’ve been thinking about having Janet transferred to my building and direct management anyway. ”
Perkins looked up from his work. “Please do.”
“And your husband seems to like this idea.”
“Partner her with him. They get along.”
I considered that. “Hey, Perkins? You game to test out a trio with Janet and Nilman? If you two have to put up with me and Bailey, a third might not be a bad idea. We haven’t tried a trio yet, and when I’m called out, we typically need numbers anyway.”
“I’m game. Bailey will love it, too. She likes Janet. Janet likes her, too.”
I arched a brow. “How do you know that?”
“She said so at the Wall Street incident. Janet filled me in. It didn’t occur to me to mention it because Janet works at a different precinct.”
“I’m going to request for her, especially if she gets on with Bailey out of the gate.”
“I can get in touch with Dowry for you if you want to start the ball rolling on that,” he offered.
“Do it.” I decided to stay still and let the kids and puppy play while I talked to Tiffany. “Sorry about that, Tiffany. When the mad scientist gives me a good idea, I’d be a fool not to pursue it.”
“I knew there was a reason I tolerated you. So, Bailey will be fine, but she’s probably going to be sick for a few days. If she gets sick enough I want you hovering, I will notify you of this, so if you can control your overprotective maleness, please do so.”
“My overprotective maleness?”