10. I’m not giving this crap to you again. #3
Perkins burst into laughter, bowing his head and shoving his chair from the computer desk. The chair slid on the mat and dumped him on the floor, where he continued to laugh.
“And your husband is literally on the floor laughing.”
“Was he near any electronics at the time?”
“Actually, yes.”
“He sometimes spits coffee on the computers when laughing. He didn’t want to damage it.”
“Well, his phone was on the desk. Or a tablet. Actually, I don’t know what he was using, but we didn’t bring our laptops.”
“Same difference. Screens and liquids. He has problems with them. How is he handling his separation anxiety from my most glorious majesty?”
I snickered. “I think he’s handling it just fine.”
“I’m so sad right now.”
“I’m sure you are. So, how did your brassault booking go?”
“Five days of community service in a women’s shelter.
I’m happy with this. They made me do some heavy negotiating, too.
Your wicked wife told them to keep me amused while she went to the vet, so they were trying to hit me with everything they had, and just because they thought it was funny, they actually called a judge to confirm the hours. ”
“Nice. You won’t have to go back to Atlantic City for a hearing?”
“That factored into their decision to call the judge. They didn’t want to give me an excuse to earn more misdemeanors in their jurisdiction. One of the cops asked Bailey to come to Atlantic City if she decided to snap. She’s got a lot of fans for a woman who is convinced she’s uglier than sin.”
I snorted at that. “She’s not ugly.”
“She’s quietly gorgeous and doesn’t know it, and her scars are adorable. She oozes cute, but she’ll never be a super model.”
“If I wanted a super model, that would be a problem. But yes, I agree. She’s perfection.”
“I feel like this whole conversation is wasted because we’re holding it where she can’t hear. I’m in the other room, and I’m fairly sure she has tinnitus.”
“Tinnitus?”
“Ringing in the ears, common when there’s an ear or sinus infection, of which she likely has both.
She’s talking louder than normal, and I have to raise my voice if I want her to hear me.
And since she’s focused on her sore throat, sneezing, and coughing, she isn’t paying attention to her ears.
She hasn’t realized it yet, and I’m keeping it that way.
Once again, don’t worry. I’m keeping an eye on her. ”
“I’m going to worry. This is a fact.”
“Right. Because you’re Police Chief Worrywart. I can work with you worrying, but I can’t work with you knocking on the hotel room in the middle of the night because you’re having a freak out. We clear?”
“Perkins, your wife is bossy.”
“She’s always like that. Just give her what she wants. Otherwise, she’ll take hostages,” Perkins replied between fits of laughter.
“Your husband says I should just let you have what you want.”
“Tell him I’m counting that as one of his Christmas presents to me this year. But, being serious. I’m going to keep a close eye on Bailey, but I don’t want you rampaging and ruining our road trip. Do you need an instruction guide to where we’re going?”
“The Venetian in Las Vegas.”
Tiffany fell silent. “The Venetian?”
I found it amusing she lowered her voice to a whisper.
“If you don’t already have a room booked at the Venetian, I will be booking one for you.”
“We have two rooms booked at the Venetian,” she confessed. “The goal is to force our wayward husbands to catch us, and as there are some things we refuse to share, we have a room each.”
“I’m going to have to upgrade one of the rooms to a multi-bedroom suite. Two dogs, a cat, two adults, and two whelps is a lot to fit into a regular room.”
“Hold on. I’ll give you the reservation number for Bailey’s room.” Tiffany was quiet for a few minutes before reading off a number. “I’ll text it to you as soon as we’re off the phone, too.”
“Good. You planned this pretty well, didn’t you?”
“The ideas were all Bailey’s, I just helped refine them.
Well, the list of contingency plans were all me.
If I let Bailey plan the whole thing, we would’ve just gotten on a plane like sane people.
The road trip idea was initially wishful thinking, but then I reminded Bailey you love chasing her. We got carried away.”
“I’m okay with you getting carried away, just keep her safe. I won’t even ask you keep her healthy, although I do ask you try to get her a little healthier or take her to the hospital if her condition worsens.”
“Did Arthur give you drugs? You have to be on something like alprazolam for you to be saying shit like that. This is not the conversation of a lucid Police Chief Samuel Quinn.”
“I had a divine-prescribed chill pill last night, but I don’t like taking them, and I will probably fight the next person who recommends I take one,” I muttered.
“Made you dull-witted and numb?”
“Yeah.”
“Try buspirone. It’s friendlier on the side-effects and while it takes longer to kick in, it’s less likely to screw with you quite as much. Photograph your prescription bottle. I’ll give the doctor who prescribed it a call.”
“Anubis arranged it.”