22. Jerk husband. #2
“I got tired of the various offices bickering. It was less of a saddling and more of a hostile takeover.” Tiffany grinned and waved for me to follow her.
“Arthur’s over here. He’ll be happy to see you’re intact.
He was worried he would have to try to figure out how to get two drunk unicorns under control while feeling like he might die. ”
“Why would he think I’d be drunk?”
“You were a unicorn with ready access to napalm. Why else?”
“Well, it’s safe to say I don’t react the same way to napalm as Bailey does.”
“That’s a shame. You would’ve had the time of your life if you did.”
I snorted. “And the worst hangover of my life, too.”
“That’s true. Bailey’s okay?”
I considered my wife, who slept quietly in my arms. “I’m assuming so.”
“Maybe you should ask those pesky divines just to be sure. She had one hell of a run today and a lot of excitement.” To make it clear she wasn’t accepting a no from me, Tiffany placed her hands on my back and pushed. “That way, Sam.”
“You’re excitable.” I went along with her wishes and strolled towards where she claimed my relatives waited. “What’s gotten you riled up?”
“We have rooms at the Venetian, I’m starving, and I want to sleep.
Your grandfather already checked us all in.
There’s a room for you and Bailey, a suite for the kids and a babysitter nearby so you can have some privacy, a room for Arthur and I, and some of your relatives also have rooms. It’s going to be a madhouse. ”
“How did they get so many rooms on such short notice?”
“I guess Vegas at Christmas isn’t all that popular?” Tiffany gave me another push. “You’re slow. Hurry up. I’m hungry, Sam.”
I shook my head at the woman but did as she asked.
Bailey slept like the dead, which did a good job of worrying me even more than when Winfield had shot her with ambrosia—or when she’d scared a few years off my life at 120 Wall Street.
I worried so much that Tiffany and Arthur ganged up on me and stuffed a chill pill down my throat while Beauty and Sylvester laughed at my misfortunes.
Then, because children were truly a source of pure evil, they crawled into bed with Bailey and left no space for me.
Bailey hadn’t even woken up, and she already had both whelps wrapped around her finger. I wondered if she’d even get to fight, as the children would ultimately decide their fate. Judging from appearances, our little family had already grown by two without us having to lift a finger.
I wanted to join them, but unlike my wife and the kids, I had work to do despite being so tired I wasn’t against the idea of sleeping on the floor.
The Devil took pity on me and brought me coffee. “At least the new medication is much kinder to you. You’re mostly coherent.”
“Mostly. Did you have a good time tormenting your brother?”
“He is delightfully miffed I’m poking my nose in the family business.
He’s also miffed he’s been fully exposed.
Your parents are on their way. After seeing your friend’s reaction to teleportation, it was decided the rest of the family could fly in like civilized beings rather than sick ones.
Your friend is fine. He’s enjoying certain amusements with his wife. ”
“She’s going to be pregnant by the end of the day, isn’t she?”
“No, no. She’s being blocked until Christmas so her body has a chance to adapt to increased hormone production.
Your grandfather handled healing—and creating—the appropriate bits.
I’m handling the hormonal therapy. She has no idea what’s going on, although she’s enjoying some of the benefits of devilish meddling. ”
“I don’t want to know.”
“You’re too much like my brother,” the Devil complained, and he flopped onto the couch.
“Your menagerie is at the vet for paperwork so they can come to the hotel. The hotel agreed to them staying if the CDC provided documentation on them. So, expect them to arrive later this afternoon. Your schedule will be open until Christmas, when you and your bride will be expected to attend your wedding. Most of the arrangements are being handled. My wife got bored, so she wanted to help.”
I foresaw disaster. “Most of them are being handled?”
“We need to know if you want anyone in particular to be invited.”
“Beyond the family? Not really. If I invite one person from the station, I have to invite all people from the station, and I’m not sure we can fit that many cops here.”
“It could be done. It would also be possible to charter a flight to bring them here and send them home the next day.”
“That would be a very, very large wedding. Where would we hold it?”
“At the canals. The hotel has already consented to having the ceremony in the hotel proper. Dinner will be at the steakhouse, and we’ve managed to reserve the entire restaurant after their normal closing hours.
That will give you time for your match for the gorgon whelps, which will be held at the pools for easy cleaning.
To appease the hotel, it will be a demonstration match, so there will be guests observing.
” The Devil chuckled. “That means bloodshed must be kept at a minimum. Mostly, you’ll be strutting your stuff while your wife shows off her immunities.
The hotel will allow guests to be petrified if they sign a waiver and pay for the supplies required to reverse their petrification. ”
Yep. My official wedding would be even more of a disaster than the courthouse fiasco. “How many laws will we be breaking in one ceremony?”
“Disappointingly, none. Well, maybe one.”
“Maybe one?”
“There’s the issue of your in-laws.”
“Which in-laws?”
“The ones I’ll be hosting at a later time.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Them. If they don’t show up, I’m all right with this. They’ll just upset Bailey.”
“I have reason to believe it would be very therapeutic for her to speak her mind on their poor life choices.”
When the Devil said something like that, I worried. “You’ve been peeking, haven’t you.”
“Of course. It’s a trivial matter in the grand scheme of things, and it’s close enough in the future to be of little consequence.”
I doubted I would ever understand the divine.
“Just tell them if they show up, they will be able to remove Bailey permanently from their life. Then give them plane tickets and pay for lodging because they’re greedy assholes who would never spend a cent on their own daughter. I’ll even pay for it myself.”
“I will send you a bill. I presume you wish for their tickets to be for the most uncomfortable flight I can manage?”
“Tolerable seats. I’ll leave their torture for the afterlife.”
The Devil chuckled. “Excellent. That’s all I need. For the next few days, worry about your wife and children. We’ll take care of the rest.”
“Do we have to do clothing fittings?”
“My wife has already handled that. She’s rather skilled at judging clothing sizes.”
Someone knocked at the door, and I opened it to discover a handful of cops, an FBI agent with a badge held up, and Roberto. The CDC rep waved.
“What can I do for you gentlemen?”
“We need to ask you some questions about the kidnapping of your police officer.”
“And that’s my cue to leave,” the Devil announced before disappearing in a flash of silvery light along with the faintest hint of brimstone.
I shook my head at my uncle’s antics. “Please come in, but we’ll need to keep it quiet. The kids and wife are sleeping.”
“Still?” Roberto asked. “She’s been out since last night.”
“She ran across half the continent, and the children have been displaced enough they’re worn out. I’ve been promised, repeatedly, she’s fine and I should stop worrying.”
“And you’ve been given medication to help with that,” he replied in a wry tone. “We’ll need to question your wife when she’s awake.” Roberto grimaced. “Unfortunately, we’ll also need to question the young gorgons. They are the kids in your care, correct?”
“They are. I haven’t confirmed with them yet that their father will not be coming home,” I replied, careful to keep my voice soft. “That is something I’ll be handling this week. We don’t know what happened to him, do we?”
“Not definitively, but we have had reports of wiped out gorgon hives in several states along with individual males without hives. He could easily be any one of those. All of the bodies were incinerated to prevent the production of gorgon dust. We will do our best to avoid that specific subject with them, but we do need to know as much as we can about their home life prior to the death of their hive mothers and their father.”
“Were you able to get a confirmation they were treated with a glass coffin?”
“Yes. We also have records of the father paying a substantial fee for the assistance of an angel. The angel’s identity is unknown to us, however. They aren’t required to identify themselves unless they choose to. The angel did the work for a reduced fee, however. This was noted in the file.”
“He probably didn’t have the money for the full fee after the glass coffin treatments.” My heart ached for Beauty and Sylvester. “I’ll tell you everything I know about the situation. Perhaps I’ll know enough to limit how much they’ll have to discuss.”
“It’s worth a try,” Roberto replied.
Everyone filed into the suite, and I was grateful I’d somehow gotten a suite with an actual bedroom so we wouldn’t disturb Bailey and the children. I sat on the floor to prevent a discussion of who would be left standing, leaning against the wall and making myself as comfortable as I could.
Drawing a deep breath, I began from the moment I’d met Bailey and told them everything I knew of my ex-wife’s plans, Bailey’s interactions with John Winfield, and the 120 Wall Street incident.