Chapter Seven #2
Resting her head back, Zara eased the chair to and fro, enjoying the flowing sensation.
Her hands moving to rest on the growing mound of her belly, she pondered her pregnancy so far — seven months and counting.
Each kick and flutter within her womb was an enrapturing reminder of the life they’d created together, a tiny heart echoing their own steady rhythm.
And in these peaceful moments, sheltered in the serenity of their haven, she dared to dream of the family she’d always longed for, as had Jay, and now their dream was taking shape with every passing day.
They hadn’t set a date for the wedding, instead agreeing to wait until they got their heads around the responsibilities of parenthood.
She didn’t mind. She didn’t need to be officially married to know that she and Jay were going to be together for a lifetime.
Although she couldn’t wait to go gown shopping with Suzanne once her body was back in shape. That was going to be so much fun.
* * *
A few weeks later, Zara’s hands glided delicately over the soft pastel wallpaper adorned with whimsical sea creatures.
The room, decorated in hues of soft blue and serene green, held the promise of joy and the pattering of tiny feet.
Once an empty space, the nursery now overflowed with the promise of new life.
Every toy, book and tiny garment was a testament to the days ahead, ones Zara could already envision with vivid clarity.
She could hear the coos and gurgles, see the tiny fists waving in the air, feel the weight of their child in her arms.
Stepping back a little to admire her creation, she reached out to trace her fingertips over the intricate outlines of smiling dolphins and frolicking mermaids.
This particular wallpaper had been chosen with their past in mind, to surround their child with the magic of the ocean that had been part of their love story.
Both of them adored wandering the beach when they were having a break from the sky, and now that she was on maternity leave, their barefoot beach strolls were hopefully going to become more frequent.
Collecting Suzanna’s gift from its box, she admired the musical sea-inspired mobile her friend had made for them, with the seashell she’d gifted Jay hanging at the centre.
Its gentle music would be a soothing lullaby for their child, one she was sure she’d never tire of hearing.
‘Do you think we’ve done enough in here, my love?’ she asked, her voice carrying the lightness of their dreams.
‘Most definitely, Zaza.’ Jay stepped back from the crib he’d finally succeeded in piecing together, even with the awful printed instructions he’d comically referred to as destructions, and his eyes reflected the gentle hues of the room.
‘This space is perfect,’ he assured her, his deep voice a warm embrace.
‘Our little one will have all the wonders of the sea to lull them into peaceful dreams.’
Later that day, as they sat together among other expectant couples at their prenatal class, with Jay’s hand resting on her protruding belly, Zara watched intently as the instructor demonstrated breathing techniques, imagining the moment they’d put them to good use.
Then, with a sudden flurry of butterflies, she imagined the pivotal moment they’d finally get to meet their baby.
‘Remember,’ the instructor’s soothing voice reminded them all, ‘to support each other through this shared experience of childbirth, because it’s about the both of you.’
In those words, Zara felt her lingering fears about giving birth begin to fade away, replaced by the thought of Jay’s reassuring presence by her side. He had been an anchor amid any uncertainties, and always would be. She knew that, without fail.
* * *
As dusk descended upon their Brisbane home, Zara stood by the window, her gaze lost within the glittery sky where the dazzling stars blended together in a mesmerising dance. Even from the ground, Mother Nature’s nightly performance never failed to enchant her.
‘Look how beautiful this sky is tonight, Jay. It somehow seems brighter than ever,’ she whispered, her hands resting upon her belly filled with a new beginning. ‘It’s as if the world is waiting, too, ready to welcome our little one with open arms.’
‘And maybe it is,’ Jay said as he joined her at the window, wrapping his arms protectively around her from behind.
They stood like this for a few lingering minutes with Zara resting the back of her head against his bare chest — a family bound by love.
‘Just imagine, my love,’ Jay mused, his voice brimming with excitement. ‘The unbridled joy when we hear our baby’s first word, and we watch him, or her, take their very first steps.’
‘It’s going to be so amazing.’ She turned, her smile radiant. ‘And I’ll make sure to read a bedtime story every night, too.’
‘You’re going to be an amazing mum, my beautiful wife-to-be.’
‘And you, my handsome husband-to-be, are going to be an amazing dad.’
‘Only eight weeks to go, and we’ll get to be the best parents ever,’ Jay replied with an almighty grin.
But it was only three days later, amid the stillness of a hazy afternoon where the sun hung overhead like a golden guardian, while she was clearing up after a solo dinner, that Zara’s world quivered and shattered.
The pain struck fiercely and unbidden, like an unwelcome intruder in her sanctuary of a body, and she buckled over from where she’d been rinsing dishes.
Crying out, she cradled her belly while whispering desperate pleas to keep their unborn baby safe.
Was she about to lose their child? Please, God, no.
Terror gripped her tight. With Jay away for work, she was on her own.
Before she could get to the phone, another wave of nauseating pain rippled over her, and she fell to her knees.
Was she about to have their baby two months early?
She needed to call for help. Now. Scrabbling on her hands and knees, she reached up, grabbed the handset and dialled the only person she could think of.
‘Suz,’ Zara choked into the receiver, her voice a fragile, fraying thread. ‘Something’s very wrong with the baby.’
‘Zara, oh my god, what’s happening?’ Suzanne’s voice rippled with panic.
That’s when Zara dared to look towards the sensation of sickly warmth spreading below. ‘I’m bleeding, Suz, I think, oh my god,’ racking sobs rose through her, ‘I think I might be having a miscarriage. Oh, Suz, I can’t lose my baby.’
‘I’m going to call an ambulance, and then I’ll be there before you know it, okay.’
‘Okay.’ She wept the lonely single word.
Minutes or perhaps lifetimes passed — Zara couldn’t discern — as she curled up on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor.
Tears continually streamed down her face, hot against her skin as she clung to her belly in a futile attempt to both hold herself together and keep her unborn baby safely within her.
She didn’t hear Suzanne’s bare feet race towards her, but she did feel her best friend’s hands coming to soothe her.
‘I’m here, Za. Deep breaths, in, out, slower, yes, that’s it.’
Leaning all her weight against the only woman she’d ever been able to trust, Zara did all she could to slow her breathing.
‘The ambulance is on its way, hon, it’ll be here real soon.’ Suzanne cradled her, the quiver in her voice noticeable. ‘Do you want me to call Jay?’
Unable to form words, Zara shook her head against Suzanne’s shoulder.
‘Please let me call him, he needs to know,’ Suzanne urged gently, her presence a beacon of calm in the midst of Zara’s storm. ‘He’ll want to be here as soon as he can be, for you.’
‘I can’t … I can’t,’ Zara gasped between sobs, the enormity of losing their baby a gaping chasm threatening to swallow her whole.
‘Za,’ Suzanne whispered, her voice steadying despite the turbulent emotions swirling around them. ‘He needs to know what’s happening. He needs to come home and be with you.’
Looking to the blood on her dress, Zara’s breath hitched as her chest heaved against the tides of grief already crashing over her.
She comprehended the aftermath of this. But she didn’t want to.
She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut and wake up healthy and well, with their baby cradled in her arms. But, helplessly tumbling within the depths of her despair, she knew Suz was right.
Jay had been her constant, the North Star to her wandering comet, and she needed him right now, more than ever.
‘Okay,’ she breathed out, a single word carrying the weight of a thousand unspoken fears. ‘Call him, and please tell him I love him.’
At that moment two paramedics rushed through her front door, medical bags at the ready.
Looking to the one crouching down to speak to her, Zara knew in her heart that by the next day her entire world would’ve been turned upside down and inside out.
As would Jay’s. And that tore her apart.
Never in a million years could she have imagined such heartbreak befalling them.