30. Wyn #2
Auty shoots out of her seat, rushing over to the chair next to me. She grabs my hands, pulling them close. “Wynnie,” she whispers, “You should have told me.”
I snatch my hands out of hers. “Would it have made any difference?!” I shriek, irrational anger exploding in my chest. “When were you ever home? You practically lived next door. You’ve avoided me at all costs!”
My elbows slam onto the table as my fingers tangle in my wig. It’s barely holding on, the lace lifting, and before I know it I’m ripping the bob off and tossing it into the other chair.
“We were kids,” I start, rubbing my fingertips across my fuzzy wig braids.
“I don’t pretend to know how it feels to be ignored by Mom.
It was the opposite for me; I had all of her attention.
But they were two sides of the same coin, Auty.
” My head lifts, and I meet her watery gaze.
“I didn’t have it better than you, and I would think, after everything, you’d get that.
You’d see that we have always been in the line of fire together, and that neither one of us made it out without getting burned. ”
My arms fall to the desk, taking my head with it. Pressure builds behind my eyes, and when I blink, tears drop onto my skin.
“You have no idea… and I wanted it that way, but God, I was wrong. I didn’t want you to blame yourself, hating me more. But in the end it doesn’t matter.”
I hear rather than see Auty drop out of the chair. “No,” she presses, her arms going around me as violent sobs rack my body.
“I don’t hate you, Wynnie. I could never hate you, especially now. I’m so sorry for everything I said. You know I don’t mean it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
I move to hug her back, leaving my own chair. She tells me how sorry she is, over and over, us both crying and mourning the childhoods we never got to have, despite how hard we both tried.
“I’m sorry you went through it alone, Wynnie. I thought you left me behind. All I ever wanted was for us to be… and we were. All this time. I’m sorry.”
“You’re my sister,” I hiccup, “my twin. Everything I do is for you, Auty. Every single thing. Always. I… I-I didn’t leave you. That night. In the Birch. I swear I didn’t–”
“Wyn–”
“No!” I whisper-shout. “Please. We’ve never talked about this. Please.” I sit back and wipe my face. She pales, but quiets, letting me get this one thing off my chest.
“I didn’t leave you. I would never do that to you, Auty.
They started shooting, and I fought so hard to get to you.
Then… nothing. I woke up, and… I was alone.
I-I-I got out, and I swear Auty, I swear I wanted to go back for you.
Ty told me he would, and took me to Pooh’s.
It’s… kinda fuzzy… I got shot–well, a bullet grazed me, but–”
Auty launches herself back at me, her whole body vibrating from tension.
“I knew it,” she whispers. “I knew you couldn’t have done that. But… I couldn’t… I couldn’t ask.”
“I’ve failed you so much, Auty. I have, and I know it. But you have to believe me when I say I would never, ever, leave you behind.”
“I know, Wynnie. I love you. I love you so much. You have to know that.”
Another sob chokes out of me, my ears not comprehending words I haven’t heard from her in years. Words I can barely say back, so I just hug her tighter, and hope we’re finally on the same page enough for her to understand.
“You don’t have to handle anything alone anymore, Wynnie. I’m strong enough; we can tackle anything as long as it’s together, okay? I can’t lose you. I’m so sorry. I’ll be a better sister.”
“I will, too.” I lean back and wipe my face before meeting her gaze. “I promise, Auty. You helped give me a second chance, and I won’t waste it. I’ll make you proud of me.”
“I’m already proud of you. Even if you made a detour to pound town.”
We both giggle at her corny joke, and embrace each other once more.
“Is there anything else I need to know? About Mom and Dad?”
“It’s all in the past,” I whisper back. “We made it out okay, and that’s all that matters… have you spoken to them?”
She doesn’t answer right away, prompting me to lean back. Auty shrugs, avoiding eye contact, but to her credit, she doesn’t lie, opting to make excuses instead.
“You know, Mom’s always busy chasing Dad around…”
I zone out without even meaning to. This part of our reconciliation is predictable as well. Much like Auty needs me, she needs Mom, too. It doesn’t matter that she now knows I was basically her mother. She will always crave the impossible achievement of Amani Shaw’s approval.
“...If you’re up to it. No pressure.”
My eyebrows pull, trying to figure out what she was saying. Thankfully, she repeats herself.
“Maybe we can go see them… together?”
I don’t laugh in her face immediately, and I’m proud of myself for it.
In the spirit of being a better sister, I swallow down any harsh or negative epithets about why that is the worst idea she’s ever come up with, and just nod.
“I’ll let you know, Auty. Let’s get off this floor; not everyone has a nice cushion on their bottom. ”
“Oh, whatever. You definitely grew a booty in Belize.”
“And you’re disappearing before my eyes. I don’t believe you’re really vegan, by the way. I know if I order us two three piece wing baskets you’d tear it up.”
She pushes me gently when we’re both on our feet, but I just lean onto the wall and watch her laugh.
I want to feel lighter. My body is begging me to. A happy Auty is all I ever want.
Her laughter peters off the longer I stare, but the smile drops off her face completely, before she averts her eyes. Her thumb comes up to her mouth and she bites the skin off her cuticle. “I gotta get Deucey from G-Pops. Can you walk me out?”
“Yeah.” I push off the wall and go to the door. “You got snot on your nose, let’s go clean you up first.”
“You’re not funny,” she snaps, but she wipes her nose discreetly, making me giggle more.
PC is coming in as we walk into the lobby. His eyes lock onto Auty, narrowing as his steps slow.
Auty gives me a stiff side hug, promising to call before scurrying out. My surprise grows as she completely ignores PC, not even sparing a backward glance as she turns and power walks away.
I stop and wait for PC to get to me, before turning back toward the elevators. My fingers pinch his sky blue tracksuit jacket. His lips twitch, but he doesn’t swat my hand away, opting instead to grab it and kiss the back of my hand.
Piccolo Nabahi and I have come a long way from him threatening my life over his best friend.
I’d like to think it’s because he’s grown to know and love me over the years, but I know it has more to do with his own personal growth and maturity.
I don’t take for granted the inside scoop to the elusive organization he belongs to in East Kenton, watching the guys balance their birthrights and the purpose they’ve each carved out for themselves.
Pic is a second son, but that doesn't mean he has any less responsibility, and just recently, he seems to have stopped skirting it, with his getting a serious girlfriend. It’s no secret that Sheisty doesn’t want his family’s Council seat, so whenever PC gets married, he’ll be the one to take over.
I never would have thought there were so many layers to my favorite rapper, and I’d be privy to them. They all joke that Tripp is my favorite, but I have personal relationships with all the guys, and look at them all as my brothers.
“You made up with Autumn?” he rasps, his thumb rubbing where his lips were.
“We always make up, you know that.”
“Hmm.” He places my hand at my side, then stops the elevator.
I wiggle my brows, though my stomach tightens. Especially when he turns to me, his eyes hooded.
“This stays between us.”
My mouth parts, and out comes, “Pic, you have a woman.”
I thought I’d at least get a half smile to slice through the thickening air, but whatever’s on his mind is too serious, because he just scratches the side of his face.
“Stop panicking.”
“You can’t say that after stopping the elevator and telling me to keep secrets. Just spit it out, please. Here.” I grab a piece of gum from my pocket and push it in my mouth, chomping as hard as I can while the menthol melts on my tongue.
“Something is wrong with Autumn. Fox won’t tell me what.”
My eyes stretch. Thankfully, he pauses long enough to let the water that filled my ears dissipate. With a jerky nod, I let him know he can continue.
“Once, when Turk was OT, Fox called me to get her. When I pulled up, she had Rue and Deuce with her. Lil’ man was crying and shit.
I asked where Autumn was, and she broke down.
They crashed with me until Turk came and got them the next morning.
Fox was dodging my calls, and then finally told me Autumn ‘will be okay,’ but then now, I noticed she don’t really leave the kids with her. Did she seem off?”
Not only am I flabbergasted because PC never says this many words altogether, but the words he was saying weren’t making a lick of sense. Granted, I was only around them for like a day, but I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
Auty was just regular sad, regular clingy.
Right?
A headache blooms as I mentally sort through half-missing files. Massaging my temples doesn’t help, and I finally give up, before meeting PC’s gaze.
“Thank you for telling me. I won’t break your confidence, but I am gonna ask Turkey.”
PC grunts, slowly folding his arms over his chest. “I didn’t tell you for you to investigate. I told you so you can steer clear.”
“Steer clear?” I parrot, my eyebrows raising.
“Yes. You don’t handle stress well. Creating an album, handling the media, your oddly familiar new-old boyfriend, and the fallout from fucking two homies; your plate is full, Wyn. Autumn has a husband and a wife. Let them handle it.”