CHAPTER FIFTEEN
NOAH
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“Let’s do one last pass and check everything again,” I say as Aidan wanders over.
“It’s been done three times, Noah; relax.” Aidan shakes his head. “If it was the cartel, they’ve sent their message and will be done. Some of the guys are beginning reinforcement on the boundary while we start today’s training, so we’re on top of it.”
Bullshit.
I don’t like it.
I know this is a me issue. Seeing Quinn get hurt yesterday pushed my buttons, and knowing she still might be vulnerable does not sit right with me. Even if it was just a fucking cut on her hand.
Being intimate with her last night changed me. If I thought I was protective before, watching her get ready to start some arguably dangerous training today and over the next few days is making me itchy.
Not to mention the way she glanced at me across the field with worry in her eyes. She’s doing way too much thinking. Which is why I got under her defenses last night. Her brain was off; her body turned on. I need to keep her in that heightened state to remind her what she truly wants.
Me.
Us.
A future together.
Josh blows a whistle, and the day kicks off with the trainees broken down into smaller teams. He pairs Quinn with Tyrell, but I keep my mouth shut. They’ve trained together many times before, and if the little shit tries anything, I am here to step in.
In saying that, none of the BHS team will put up with someone picking on or bullying a woman, so a part of me wants him to try and see how it works out for him.
Hint: it won’t.
We start with fire and movement drills where one team shoots blanks at an imaginary enemy while the other team moves to a new position. This is called bounding. Then they switch roles, constantly keeping an eye on potential threats.
The names of those threats are Hayden, Cole and Marshall, who are hidden in different spots, ready to surprise them.
I observe as they do just that, trying not to focus on Quinn as she pops up, takes Cole out and then supports her team to reach their next position.
As I trained her years ago.
Nice work, sweetheart.
Tyrell gets caught by Hayden, and his face reddens. His temper has always been a problem. Today, Quinn is in his sight as he jogs over, says something to her and then keeps going. She glares at him, shouts something I can’t hear, and then shakes her head.
That motherfucker is lucky I’m not armed or unhinged.
The day progresses as the soldiers practice driving in vehicle convoys further down on the land, responding when they’re attacked by simulated IEDs—essentially flashing lights and loud bangs—and then returning fire.
Two teams get out of the kill zone and act out medical treatment on faux casualties that we’d prepared as they call for help. These are real-life situations they need to be able to react to in the middle of warfare if they’re to step up into special-forces position.
My teeth grind as I imagine Quinn taking her military career to a whole other level. What about her personal life? Being a mom? Doesn’t she have any desire to nurture that part of her life?
I shake it off and focus back on her performance.
The high-stress scenarios she’s undertaking this week require good communication, marksmanship and leadership for survival, all of which she’s very capable of. But I can’t stop my mind returning to the same question over and over: what’s important to her?
She won’t talk to me about us being in a relationship, let alone talk about what her dreams are. I want to know her. I want to see her thrive in other areas of her life.
It can’t all be about being a soldier.
I think about her father and wonder if he’s encouraged her to go on this path. Or the opposite. The man is a tough old-school grunt, and I can almost guarantee he’s had an influence on her one way or the other.
Crossing my arms, I watch her slide her boots into the soil, drop and roll. Quinn loves what she does, I know that, but if she wakes up one day in her forties and has the rank she’s aspired to and no family, will she be happy?
I know I can’t let her go without a fight.
But the risk for me is after fighting for so long, I am the one who ends up alone and angry like my dad.
There are times I question whether letting her go would be the best thing to do here. Then I see her laugh, and I catch the sparkle in her eyes as she smiles at me, and nothing in this world could keep me from her.
Except her.
The final part of the day ends at the shooting range. Live and simulated ammo, pop-up targets and role-playing with the enemy see them wielding their rifles and zigzagging around the range.
When we start packing up, and thankfully no more razors or signs of the goddamn cartel have shown up, I start to relax.
But there’s one thing I need to take care of.
When Tyrell walks past me after almost everyone else has gone, I grab his collar. “If I see you bullying Parker again, you’re out.”
“Put your dick away, Jenkins. Why don’t you just admit you two are involved? You aren’t enlisted anymore. No one cares.”
“You’ll be lucky if you pass this week, Brooks. She’s a better soldier than you are and always has been,” I grind out, speaking the truth.
“Fuck you.” He shakes me off.
“Your hot head and big mouth will get someone killed,” I warn, pointing my finger in his face. “Sort it out.”
He glares at me and lowers his black sunglasses over his eyes before giving me the bird and walking off. “How’s that for anger management?”
I shake my head.
Nothing I said was out of place; the guy is a small risk, and I should have raised it years ago. I knew if I did he’d start blabbing about Quinn. While we’d technically never crossed the line, I didn’t want to scare her off any more than she was.
I hope I don’t live to regret it.
“What was that about?” Hayden steps out from behind one of the hay barrels, carrying shot-up target sheets.
Crap. I was hoping to keep that little interaction private.
“Nothing.” I grab the last rifle.
“Didn’t look like nothing.” He lifts his brow.
“The kid used to be in my platoon for a while,” I tell him. “He’s a bigmouthed sexist. Pisses me off.”
“Fair.”
Hayden lets it go, helping me with the rest of the weapons, and we make our way back. But as we start walking, he asks another question. “The brunette. You two know one another?”
Quinn has always attracted a lot of male attention. She’s beautiful no matter how much she tries to hide it. A natural beauty who doesn’t need makeup or flashy clothes to draw the eye.
“Yes, she was also under me.” Literally last night.
“Single?”
“Nope.”
It’s not a lie. Mark is going to get dumped, and I’m going to marry her.
“Figures.” Hayden sighs. “A woman like that could line us all up and take her pick.”
Jesus.
That picture does not sit well in my head, and the sooner I can get a ring on it, the fucking better.
For years I wasn’t sure if I was the sort of man who would ever get married. I guess I saw it happening one day but never gave it much thought. The military was my life, and I enjoyed serving my country and training other GIs who would soon step into my shoes.
Then Quinn walked into my life and shook it apart like a damn tornado. I haven’t been able to look away since. I chose her, and my heart thinks she did the same and just hasn’t come to terms with it.
Or if she ever will.
That’s the scary thing. If she walks away like my mom did and destroys me, I’ll end up some drunk bastard, angry with life like my father.
I don’t want that. I want to think I’m not that guy, but I’ve tried dating other women.
I’ve tried to imagine getting over Quinn and falling in love with someone else.
I’ve seen guys get divorced and find a new woman.
I know it’s possible.
But she is the one.
Maybe I am like my father. Maybe there was only ever one girl for both of us. Or perhaps there’s something wrong in our heads. Fuck knows...but all I know is there was a Before Quinn and an After Quinn.
I haven’t even fucked her yet.
You may not.
Yeah, that’s not happening.
“So, what’s the plan now that you’ve joined the team? You sticking around the training side of things or looking at the black ops?” I ask Hayden.
The rifles clink against one another as we walk, and I attempt to push thoughts of Quinn out of my head.
“I’m flexible, so I told Josh and Aidan I’d be happy to move around. I like variety,” Hayden shares.
“Good way to be. There’s a lot of growth happening in the company at the moment. A lot of good guys.”
“That’s what I heard.”
“So, what did you specialize in?”
He lets out a laugh. “That, my friend, is a conversation for when we have a beer in front of us.”
Interesting.
“Looking forward to it.” I respect that. A lot of us have experienced some things in the military, and chatting about it isn’t always easy. “Let’s get this metal locked up, and I’ll introduce you to a few of the other men. Aidan’s organized a BBQ for the team.”
“Love me a good grill.”
“Amen.” I grin.