Chapter 39
IT’S COMPLICATED
Ryker
When my Saturday afternoon game ends, I meet Ivy for an early dinner in Hayes Valley. We’re at a trendy spot she picked out that serves Mediterranean food, and I wish she’d told me in advance since it reminds me of Trina. But then again, everything does.
That’s just my life.
Ivy and I catch up about her work and Grandma over hummus, but a few minutes in, she sets down her mojito. “Enough of this small talk. What’s going on with Trina and you and Chase?”
“Someone doesn’t mess around,” I say with a low whistle of appreciation for her candor.
She’s unflinching. “Talk. It’s that thing people do with those they trust when something’s on their mind.”
But where do I even start? It all feels so big, so consuming. I drag a hand over my beard, hunting for a way out but knowing I won’t find one. Or maybe I don’t want one anymore. Maybe I’m ready for…connection.
“So, after the wedding, we had this huge fight,” I begin, then tell her what went down. What I said, what Chase said, how she left, how I left, and how I haven’t talked to Chase since and can’t get Trina out of my head.
“First, you’re pissed at him. I get that,” she says. Then she tilts her head, studies me with those deep blue eyes. “It sounds like you really miss her.”
Part of me wants to deny it, even though I know that’s pointless. Ivy knows me too well and can see right through me. So I just nod instead.
“I miss her like I’d miss breathing,” I finally admit, taking a sip of my beer as if it might give me some courage to go on. “But it’s complicated.”
She laughs at that but shakes her head. “Ryker, of course it’s complicated. That’s why you need to talk to Chase, and then you need to figure out how to breathe again.”
I close my eyes for a second, picturing Trina, how I felt with her. Understood. Accepted. Most of all, I felt trust, coming both ways. From her, from me, and then, honestly, with my best friend too.
It’s so strange, wanting all of that. Wanting to have her both to myself but also with him. Wanting to love her but not just alone. Wanting to give her more love like she deserves.
Would he even want to though? And would she want to hear from us again? No idea, but it’s time to fix everything that’s wrong.
I can’t avoid him much longer. And I don’t want to.