31. Alex
Alex
Joy fills me at knowing that I’m meeting the kids back at that food truck I took Chanice to on our first date. The fact that it’s become a favorite of hers as well is just another string tying us together. I just hope her siblings enjoy it as much as we do.
“Alex!”
I turn to the voice of Gabby as she runs up and throws herself into my arms. The pure excitement pouring out of her at seeing me again lights up something inside my heart.
“Hey, you.” I spin her around as she giggles with her head thrown back. She extends her arms out like she is flying, launched into the air by me. When we stop, I see Chanice just watching us.
Still holding onto Gabby, I walk up to Jamal and extend my hand. “I’m Alex. I have been looking forward to meeting you.”
He shakes my hand while looking me up and down. “Yeah, well, I’m the one you really have to impress,” he says. Imani pushes his shoulder, laughing, but he doesn’t stop looking into my eyes.
“Good to know. I’ll try not to disappoint.” I place Gabby back on the ground, but she grabs onto my hand, unwilling to let go entirely.
They all stare at the menu, their eyes widening as they take it in.
“I figured we would order what we did last time,” Chanice says, grabbing onto my other hand. She looks hesitant but hopeful as they turn and look at us. When no one reacts too strongly, she relaxes a little.
We do get the same thing as before, but instead of sharing, I let them order as much as they want. Sitting on the curb near the truck, we quietly inhale the food.
“You know I never thought I would be able to give them this type of experience, but since we moved into the new place, I can do more stuff like this,” she whispers the words.
Tucking my head towards her, I enclose our conversation.
“How is the new place, and when do I get to see it?”
“You’ve seen pictures.”
“I want to see your bedroom.” I wiggle my eyebrows, causing her to laugh.
“I don’t even have a real bed yet.”
“I can fix that.”
She rolls her eyes and stands up to throw her trash out. The rest follow her lead, and soon they’re all just watching me.
“So, I thought we could go to the London Zoo,” I say, popping up.
Gabby cheers, and Jamal frowns, crossing his arms.
“You know you can’t buy our approval,” he says, sounding like his sister.
“He can buy mine,” Imani says, stepping in front of him. “In fact, let’s go to a furniture shop. I need a full-length mirror and a bookshelf.”
Chanice shoots me a look, making it clear that is not a real request. If up to me, I would furnish the entire place, and she knows it. I let it go for now.
During the first half of walking through the zoo, Jamal won’t stop glaring at me. He is barely focusing on the animals at all. When we get to the penguins, they finally catch his attention enough that he stops.
I walk over to him and stand next to him at the glass. “Do you know penguins mate for life?” I ask.
He looks at me and rolls his eyes. “Is this the part where you say something corny about my sister?”
I laugh, drawing her attention. “No, I just thought since you were watching them bring pebbles, you would want to know what for.”
“I know everything about penguins,” he says.
“Okay, tell me something.”
He perks up a little and points to a pile of poop. “With large colonies of penguins, scientists can find them by tracking their poop from space. When there is a bunch of it, it’s called guano.”
“From space? Really?”
“Mhm, they were once able to find a colony of 1.5 million penguins that way.”
I can’t help but nod enthusiastically, actually engaged. “That’s really cool. Tell me more facts.”
This is all he needs to hear to go on a tangent about everything he knows.
He got into penguins by watching Happy Feet, and then marine life just became a hobby of his.
Now that they have a computer, he has been looking up videos and books about this stuff.
He ends off by saying that he hates seals because they kill penguins, and loves sharks because sharks kill seals.
I laugh at the logic of a kid, but appreciate his loyalty to his favorite.
After that, he happily tells me at least one fact about each animal we see. By the time we reach the gift shop, Gabby, Jamal, and I are in an avid conversation about everything we learned.
He picks up a stuffed penguin, checks the price, and puts it down. I pick it back up and offer to buy it. He reluctantly nods. Once it’s in his hand, he can’t stop smiling while we wait for the girls by the door.
“You know I’m not going to say I approve based on this one hangout, but I guess you’re kind of alright.”
“Yeah? Anything I can do to raise that opinion?”
He scrunches up his face. “I think it’s cool that you came to the hospital and got us our place, but my sister is really special. One of a kind. I just want to make sure you realize that before I just let you off.” He points his finger at me, jabbing it with every word.
“Can I tell you something?” I ask.
“Sure.”
“Your sister is the most amazing woman I have ever met. You’re right; there is not another one like her. I plan to treat her that way, and in turn, you guys as well. I’ll work to earn your trust, but I just wanted you to know I see it, too.”
He offers me his hand, and I give it a hearty shake. Now that he feels we have talked man to man, he relaxes even more. Our conversation about everything after that becomes easy.
I don’t know what I expected, but I didn’t think I would like them this much. It feels so effortless to be around them and find my place among their formed group. Chanice sees it, too, because she squeezes my hand every time one of them looks up at me with a sparkle in their eye.
By the time we are on the tube heading to their place, a companionable quiet has fallen over us.
It’s not until I am saying goodnight to them does anyone speak.
“I’ll see you later?” Jamal asks.
When I agree, he gives me a quick high five. Gabby gives me a big hug, and Imani, in all her teenaged glory, just offers a thumbs up. They head inside first, leaving me alone with Chanice.
“You know, I thought once you got your new place, I would be allowed to come over.”
She laughs and hooks her fingers through mine. “You will eventually, just let me make it presentable.”
“I don’t care how it looks.” I bring our hands up and kiss her knuckles.
“Now that you have met them, you can come over soon.” She swings our conjoined hands back and forth. “You did well, by the way.”
“Yeah?”
“Jamal isn’t trusting because of the past, but he spent most of the day talking to you. That means something.” Her eyes mist. I cup her cheek just in case any tears fall.
“Christmas is in a few weeks. Why don’t you join us?” she asks. Holding still, her lips part slightly, barely letting out any breath.
I try to hide my surprise, which is equally matched by my excitement. “Can my sister and her wife come?”
“Of course.”
“Then definitely.”
She rocks on her feet, pressing her head into my chest. It barely muffles the giggle that comes through. Laughing as well, I look forward to this future.
“You should meet her before then, and my nephew, too.”
“I would love that.”
I sigh out my elation. In my mind, an entire life builds as this conversation lays the foundation for everything else to come.
With a heavy kiss, she lets me go. I decide to take the tube, letting the walk and time settle all these feelings in my chest. They burrow into the place that used to be empty.
#
A week later, I find myself sitting next to Chanice and across from my sister and her wife at their dining room table.
Theo is strapped against Liv’s body in this fabric wrap thing.
He’s staring off quietly, his precious tiny fingers clenched.
Chanice can’t keep her eyes off him and a smile off her face.
No matter where she stands on having her own, she clearly loves kids.
“So Chanice, I hear you’re a great cook,” Liv says.
This gets the attention of Mei, and soon she is talking about her favorite restaurants in the city. I make a mental note of every one that Chanice seems excited about.
The topic seems to put her a little more at ease, enough so that she ventures to start the next conversation.
“So how did you guys fall in love?” She leans forward and places her chin in the palm of her hand.
“Well, I fell first,” Mei says.
“Nope. You just said it first, but I definitely loved you earlier,” Liv says.
Mei laughs and grabs her wife’s hand. “I’m pretty sure I fell the moment I met you.
You were so pretty and kind. I had never been a personal assistant to someone who actually treated me like a person.
I just wanted to know more about you, and I relished every detail I got to learn through the job.
Then, when you remembered my birthday and brought my mom from Namwon.
Well, how could I not love you?” Mei wipes a tear that escapes and then kisses Liv’s hand.
I feel myself getting lost in my own feelings as I look over at Chanice. She is already looking at me, her own eyes holding so much.
“He did the same thing, you know. I worked for hours at the event we met at, and he was the first person to say thank you.” Chanice grabs my arm and squeezes.
“Apparently, we are very lovable for being decent people,” Liv says, laughing.
I join her.
“You don’t understand how much a gesture matters when so few people do them for you,” Chanice says.
Mei agrees, and my sister and I share a smile, somewhat understanding where they are coming from.
Liv goes on to tell us about all the secret looks and moments between them, like when they sat in her closet and ate ice cream after Liv had her first big fight with her fiancé.
Or how Mei taught Liv how to knit while watching a K-drama.
Through each little memory, they show us how they got to this point.
“Eventually, she just became everything to me. Worth so much more than what I already had.” Liv can’t help her teary eyes.
Watching my sister give it all up for this, for herself, always awed me. But each moment I spend getting to be myself with the woman I love, I get it. This has more value than all of the money and things.
Looking at the three of them, the family I have, I feel so grateful.
It was always me and Liv against everything.
This world, our parents, and all of our requirements.
But how could we fight when we were both coming from the same place?
We didn’t know anything else. But eventually she did, and now I do too.
After that, we pass the rest of the meal talking about who’s making what for Christmas. Then I join my sister in putting Theo down.
“So?” I ask.
“I love her. I love you with her.” She strokes her son’s head before turning towards me.
“Yeah?” I bounce on my toes.
“I was worried about the age difference, but her being a parent figure has aged her. Even more so than you or me.” She looks beyond me, like she can see the woman she is talking about.
“Are you sure you’re ready to take on that kind of responsibility?
Having Theo is a lot, and there is only one of him, and he can’t do anything on his own. But three kids, Alex.” She sighs.
I look at my nephew, this tiny human who came from her and holds a piece of who she is. I may never have that. Will her siblings be enough? Will I be enough for them?
“I already feel myself starting to love them. Wanting to be in their life is an easy yes. I just have to step up and be worth them. Plus, they and Theo might be my only experience with kids. Chanice might not want any.”
Liv steps back and crosses her arms. The smile she has been holding all evening falls.
“I get why she wouldn’t, but are you okay with that? Is that what you want?”
I want her more than anything else. I’ll take her over everything.
“It was always a given that we would have kids. A boy to take on the legacy. But I don’t want to have kids for that purpose alone, and I don’t want to force them into this role.
So I’m trying to conclude if I want them for any other reason, and so far I’ve determined that I don’t think I need them to feel complete. ”
Family means so much more than the standard two parents and two-point-five kids. Already, the one Liv has looks nothing like the lineage we came from. If this is what it is, then it should be enough for me.
“The only thing that makes me second-guess that decision is me being the one to end over a century of the Whitmores owning the company. What would Grandad think?” I flinch at the thought alone and rub the back of my neck.
Stepping closer, she pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tight.
“Don’t worry about any of that. This succession isn’t just on your shoulders. I plan on having more kids, and surely one of them will want a guaranteed job. Just worry about what you need.”
I try to give in to her words, but it’s not lost on me that she didn’t answer the question. She couldn’t reassure me that it wouldn’t matter to the person who used to matter most to me, and that makes me completely uncertain all over again.
We hug until Mei comes to get us, and then soon I find myself in the car with Chanice, our hands clasped together.
“That was nice,” she says while looking over at me. “Your sister is just as you described her. Fierce and beautiful.”
“I’m glad you liked her.”
She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe that I’m in love and meeting the person’s family. Everything since I met you has been so surreal.”
“That’s odd, because this has been the realest thing I have ever been a part of.”
She giggles and covers her face before leaning up and kissing me on the cheek. “You know what I mean. I just never thought this would happen to me.” Her voice holds a wistfulness that is perfect for the fairytale feelings in this car.
It encircles us the whole way to her place, coating the evening in glitter.
I imagine this as a painting and try to figure out how best to showcase the feelings of these last few months.
All I know is it will have to be as bright and beautiful as she is under the glow of the streetlights outside her place.
I capture it with a picture to use as inspiration later.
“I love you,” she says as if it’s always been the case.
“I love you, too.”
Just like every time I say it, she tears up a little before giving me her brightest smile. I’ll do anything to get that look from her.