Chapter Twenty-One
TALLY
I was fully prepared for all the tears we’d find when we walked into Jake’s former in-laws’ home. Growing up with four younger siblings, this wasn’t the first tear-fest I’d been witness to, but the reason behind it was much different than anything I’d ever had to deal with. We found Piper being rocked by Marjorie, whimpering against her chest. Nora and Ava were seated on the couch, one on each end, with their grandpa between them. His big arms were around them, holding them to his sides. Ava was curled into him, while Nora sat up, leaning against him, with tears streaming down her face and a pile of tissues on her lap, some scattered on the floor.
“Did a tornado of snot rags hit this place?” Jake joked as we walked in.
“Daddy!” The girls all jumped up and ran to him, and he crouched down and drew them all close. Their little sobs were heartbreaking, and I wanted to do something to comfort them, but I just stood there watching as Jake took care of his girls.
“I hate her,” Nora declared through her tears.
Jake leaned back to look at her and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Hey. I know you’re mad at her right now, but remember what I told you? Hate is a very strong word and not one we throw around when we’re upset.”
Nora sniffled. “Why didn’t she come?” she mumbled.
“I don’t know, sweetie.” He stood up, lifting Piper onto his hip and walking over to the couch to sit.
George stood and gave them the room they needed, and the girls climbed up next to him.
“People in your life will let you down many times. We can all be selfish and do what we want without thinking about other people’s feelings, and we all make mistakes. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to forgive someone when they hurt you.”
“What if the person doesn’t apologize?” Nora asked.
“You still forgive them in your heart. If you don’t, if you let it upset you every day, and if you hold that hurt inside, it can make you a very grumpy person. And I like it when my girls are happy.” He tapped each one on the tip of their nose, which got him smiles and giggles.
“What if I’m too mad to forgive Mom?” Nora sniffled.
“You might not be ready yet, and that’s okay. It’s alright to feel upset with your mom for a while.”
“My eyes hurt from crying,” Ava whimpered.
He leaned over and gripped the back of her head, bringing her forehead against his lips .
“How about we take a break from thinking about this tonight and talk about it some more tomorrow if you want to. How does that sound?”
“Okay, Daddy.” Ava hugged him, and he pulled all the girls in closer.
“I love my girls.”
“I wuv you.” Piper kissed his hand that was around her.
My heart was ready to burst at seeing what a great dad he was. And something in me wished I was sitting on the couch with him, comforting the girls, and not just as their nanny.
It was ridiculous to even think that way, I knew. But the thought was there, and it wouldn’t go away.
For some reason, I felt guilty for giving my number to Dylan at the bar. He was cute and friendly and kept the small talk going, which had been a relief. But if he called, I couldn’t imagine it going anywhere. Because of the way I felt when I was with Jake. The way I could so easily be myself around him. The way my heart skipped a beat when he looked at me. The way I longed for a simple brush of his arm against mine when he passed by. And this moment, watching him with his girls, solidified it all. I liked Jake. A lot. He’d been in my head and in my heart since we met. And before he suggested we go out again to help me find a man, I needed to figure out a way to tell him that’s not what I wanted.
“Who wants to go get a treat on our way home?” he asked.
That brought smiles to the girls’ faces.
“What kind of treat?” Nora asked.
“I want a cookie,” Piper cried.
“Cupcakes,” Ava declared .
“Me too,” Piper said.
Jake looked from one little face to the next. “Who wants … ice cream?”
The girls cheered.
I helped him get their bags and load them into the car, and we headed to McDonald’s, the only place in town still open that served ice cream.
“They’ll probably be all hopped up on sugar and never go to sleep,” he said quietly as we got back into the car afterward.
“I bet they’ll be asleep before their heads hit the pillow. It’s been a long night for them.”
Sure enough, Piper and Ava were asleep before we pulled into the driveway. Nora was awake, but she looked sleepy too.
Jake carried the two younger girls upstairs, and I grabbed the bags. I helped him get the girls ready for bed. I didn’t even ask. I just had a feeling he needed the help. They were ready for bed and asleep within minutes.
Downstairs, I poured a glass of juice and waited beside the kitchen island. I didn’t know if Jake was going right to bed or would come down, but I stalled just in case.
Several minutes later, I heard his footfalls on the stairs, and my stomach fluttered in anticipation.
“Whew! That was rough.” He wandered wearily into the room.
“Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
He shook his head as he ran a hand over his face, grabbed a glass, and moved behind me to fill it with water from the sink .
I turned around as he took a few gulps then set the glass down on the counter. We stood close, between the sink and the kitchen island. His head hung low, his shoulders sagged, and I could see all the worry and sadness were overwhelming him.
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I closed the distance between us, wrapped my arms around his waist, and hugged him tightly. A hug might not take away what he was feeling, but I hoped it would help.
He didn’t hug me back at first. His hands hung at his sides. And just as I was about to let go, he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against mine.
“Thank you for coming with me to get the girls and for helping tonight.” His low deep voice vibrated through me. “You didn’t have to do that, but I really appreciate it.”
“I didn’t do much.”
“Just having you there was enough.” His arms squeezed a little tighter around me, and I was gone for him.
We stayed like that for what felt like forever, and before I let go, I turned my head and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. No hesitation. No reservations. No obsessing over what he would think. I did it to show him I cared.
When I stepped away and looked up into his eyes, my pulse began to race. He was looking at me like he had the night the power went out, and my entire body heated under his intense gaze.
Several eternal moments passed by, and then I did something that surprised myself more than hugging him or kissing his cheek. I moved toward him, lifted up on the balls of my feet, and pressed my lips to his. I’d never done anything like that in my life, but I wasn’t afraid. Not with him.
I stepped back and was met with a blank expression on his face. Embarrassment flooded through me. My stomach churned. My hands shook. My cheeks were on fire. I felt so humiliated for putting myself out there and getting no response.
“I … I should go.”
But before I moved to leave, he let out a low groan and closed the distance between us, taking my face in his hands, his fingertips sliding into the hair at the base of my neck as he brought my lips to his. And then he kissed me. Firm at first, then becoming more tender. His lips pressed against mine, soft and gentle, over and over again, sending a combination of goosebumps and fire over every inch of my body.
It was the perfect first kiss. The one I’d wished for. I had no idea what I was doing, but instinct took over, and I met his kisses with ones of my own.
Tentatively, I lifted my hands, moving them along his muscular arms, running my fingertips over the curves of his shoulders and into the soft curls at his neck. He must have liked that because the pressure increased, and when I parted my lips to catch a breath, he deepened the kiss, taking me places I’d never dreamed of. Watching kissing scenes in all those romantic comedies with Ellie over the years, I’d wondered what it would feel like to have a man’s mouth on mine. Now, I could say without a doubt that it was better than anything I could have possibly imagined .
I was weak in the knees and held on tighter as he slid his fingers through my hair, his hands trailing down my back, his arms winding around my waist to draw me closer. He stepped forward until my lower back was against the island behind me, our bodies pressed firmly together. I’d never been this close to a man before, and it felt right, being in his arms like this. The urge to get as close as possible was overwhelming.
I slid my hands down his chest to his abdomen, and he jerked his lips from mine and practically leapt backward, dropping his arms to his sides. He breathed in deeply through his nose as he looked at me and blew it out slow and steady, like a balloon deflating.
I was still floating on a high from what had just happened. My body tingled, my stomach fluttered, and the endorphins were pumping. I stepped closer to him, boldly laying my palm on his chest.
His hand caught my wrist, and his eyes shot to mine. “We can’t.”
“Why not?” I whispered.
“For a lot of reasons. The most important being you’re my nanny.”
“I know. But I like you.” My eyes searched his.
His eyes closed, and his expression was softer when he opened them again. “Gah. If you were just ten years older.”
I scrunched my forehead at him. “What does age have to do with it?”
“Twelve years is a big difference.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“I do. You’re so young. You have a lot of life to live. So many things to learn.”
“You’re not exactly on death’s door.”
“I’m closer than you.”
“Nobody knows when their time might come. I could die tomorrow.”
“Don’t say that,” he snapped. “You’re young and beautiful, and you have your whole life ahead of you.”
“Life is short, Jake. When we find someone special, someone we really care about, shouldn’t we tell them?”
He looked down at the floor and shook his head before meeting my eyes again. “You’re incredible, Natalia. And you’re going to meet someone … someone closer to your age.” He gave me a serious look. “Someone you can have your own family with.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?”
“You deserve more than an instant family and all the emotional baggage that comes with it.”
“I love your girls. And I don’t care about your past.”
“Well, I do. And you deserve better.”
“Shouldn’t I have some say in that?”
His gaze traveled over my face and dropped to my lips. He stared for several beats, and I anxiously awaited the moment he’d give in and kiss me again.
“No. I’m sorry.” He hung his head and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there alone, confused, embarrassed, and utterly humiliated.
My first instinct was to call my girls, but I was still mad at them. I hadn’t replied to any of their texts all week, but they hadn’t seemed to notice. They were so wrapped up in their own lives.
I shuffled over to my guest house and crawled into bed, but there was nowhere to hide from the humiliation of the night .
I opened the group chat with my friends and stared at their recent texts, which I had yet to reply to.
Ellie: What do you think about Traverse City for Penny’s bachelorette party? We could go stay at Schultz Winery.
Penny: Ooooh! I like that idea. Plan it, girl!
Ellie: (thumbs-up emoji and heart emoji)
Penny: And yes, you’re coming too, Jessalyn.
Jessa: Make me! (tongue-sticking-out emoji)
They sent a couple more messages with possible dates for the party, but I couldn’t bring myself to be excited about it. I felt as if my world was falling apart around me and nobody cared.
I wished I could hit a giant undo button so tonight never happened at all. How could I go back into that house with him after this? I had to take care of his girls, but how could I look at him again without feeling like a stupid little girl with a crush? That was probably how he saw me. I was ridiculous and immature and knew nothing about men or intimacy or relationships, and clearly, it showed.
I was better off single for the rest of my life.