Chapter Twenty-Two
JAKE
H ow I walked away from Natalia last night, I will never know. But I couldn’t let it go on.
At work, I was paid to manage risks, and I’d spent hours analyzing the risks of getting involved with Natalia. The pros and cons. The possible outcomes. And in my professional opinion, it didn’t work. The risk was too great. For my girls. For her. For me.
I put myself last on that list because I could manage if Natalia left us. But the girls were getting attached, and they already had issues with their mom leaving them. I couldn’t let them grow so close to her, then risk screwing up a relationship and have her leave them too.
But she was so hard to get out of my head. Knowing she felt comfortable enough to console me touched my heart. And then for her to completely catch me off guard and make the first move with that sweet kiss. I was absolutely undone .
I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of her lips against mine, her arms wrapped around me, her hands touching me, her soft body molding into mine. I wished things could be different, but this was about more than just me. No, it was best this way. For all of us.
When I woke up Saturday morning before the sun, it was with a plan in mind. My brain clicked with an idea, and I pulled out my phone and texted Dylan, the guy Natalia met at The Sawmill. I actually knew him from church and had asked him to come out last night to help a friend get over her social anxiety. I hadn’t expected him to ask for her number, and I hadn’t expected her to give it to him. That wasn’t easy to hear, but they obviously got along or she wouldn’t have done that. And right now, I was glad that she had.
My days as a courtship coach were probably numbered after last night, but problem-solving was my specialty, and I believed this was the solution to ours.
While making the girls heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast, my phone buzzed with a text from Kate, which I would’ve preferred to ignore.
Kate: Why did you send me a picture of piles of tissue on the floor?
Me: You can’t figure it out for yourself?
Kate: I get it. The girls are upset. You don’t have to be so passive-aggressive about it.
Me: Next time, don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Kate: I’m sorry. It didn’t work out. I’m going to come for New Year’s Eve instead.
Me: Don’t bother.
I closed my phone and ignored the buzzes that followed. She wasn’t going to listen to anything I said anyway. This new life of hers didn’t include the girls, and I would do anything I could to protect them from getting hurt by her again.
After breakfast, while the girls were playing, I went outside to shovel the new-fallen snow from the sidewalks. When I got around to the back of the house, I could see Natalia moving about in the kitchen, but I tried to focus on the task at hand.
As I was finishing up, her door opened, and she emerged, wearing winter clothing and boots, and gave me a quick glance before locking up.
“Good morning,” I said.
“Morning.” She stared down at the sidewalk as she brushed past me.
“Where are you off to?”
“I didn’t know I needed to check in with you on weekends,” she said coldly.
“I was just curious.”
She stopped walking and turned toward me. “I’m going snowmobiling with a friend … Someone my own age.”
I didn’t miss the snark in her tone. “Sounds fun.”
“It will be.” She turned on her heel and walked on .
I watched as she disappeared around the house with a flip of her dark hair over her shoulder, and my mind flashed to last night again. I’d had my hands in those silken locks and those lips against mine.
I groaned and went to put away the shovel.
The day moved by at a slug’s pace. I spent time with the girls. We made a snowman and snow angels, then had hot chocolate and cookies next to the fire to warm up. I did read Kate’s texts from earlier but decided not to respond. They were full of lame excuses why she couldn’t come and more promises about coming for New Year’s or maybe later in January if that didn’t work out. It was typical Kate, and I wasn’t going to breathe a word of any of it to the girls because nothing would probably come of it anyway.
Once the girls were in bed, I retired to my office with a cup of coffee. The sun had set hours ago, and I knew I shouldn’t, but I kept checking to see if Natalia’s car was in the driveway yet. She’d been gone since morning, and I worried about her driving on the snowy roads after dark. I tried to focus, attempting to clean out my email inbox, but I couldn’t concentrate. Every time a car drove by, its headlights traveled across the walls, making me stand to look out the window.
Around eleven o’clock, I heard a crunch of tires on snow and knew she was home. I peeked out the window and spotted a pickup truck instead of Natalia’s car. The truck engine turned off, and two figures—Natalia and a man—got out and moved along the sidewalk around the house toward the guest house.
Mind your own business, Jake.
Don’t do it.
Stay right where you are .
I ignored the wise advice in my head and hurried to the kitchen, leaving the lights off so I could stand in the shadows and watch some guy walk Natalia to her door. When they moved into the light, I realized it was Dylan. He’d obviously taken my advice this morning to give her a call. That was fast.
They talked. She smiled and laughed. She touched his arm, and a rush of jealousy overcame me. I watched, fully prepared for him to kiss her good night, but they simply hugged before he left.
Her eyes followed him as he walked away, and then she looked toward the house. I knew she couldn’t see me where I stood in the kitchen, but it was as if she was looking right at me. She let out a sigh and went into her little house, and I let out a deep breath.
My heart ached for what might’ve been between us, but I couldn’t think of myself. No matter how much I wanted to. This was how things were supposed to be.
Upstairs, as I lay in bed, trying not to think about kissing the nanny, my phone buzzed on the nightstand.
Dylan: Hey, thank you so much for setting me up with Tally. She’s great, man. I appreciate it.
I was supposed to feel relieved when she met someone. Temptation removed. Everything back to normal. But I felt the exact opposite. Anxious, nauseated, worried, and jealous beyond belief. All was going according to plan, so why did it all feel like such a mess?