Chapter 15
brADY
I get to hear my baby’s heartbeat today.
The feeling I had when I woke up was the same nervous anticipation I felt back in high school, waking up on game day when I knew there would be college scouts watching. Confident that I deserve to be here, excited to show what I can do, but terrified I’ll somehow fuck up and ruin my chances.
It started raining again overnight, and Sage isn’t responding to my text messages offering to pick her up.
I don’t know if I should just show up at the hotel or meet her at the appointment.
But as soon as I turn on my car my subconscious mind decides for me, and I turn left down the street toward her hotel, instead of right to go directly to the midwife’s clinic.
When I pull up out front, I leave the engine running and send her yet another text.
brADY: Don’t know if you’ve left already, but I’m out front if you want a ride.
I scroll back up for the third time to check that I didn’t mess up and get the date wrong. No, she said this Monday. Today.
Maybe she changed her mind about having me there? Fuck, I hope that’s not it. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if she decided I couldn’t come to the appointment. It feels like that would be a bad omen for the future, and for my role in my kid’s life.
I hit my head on the headrest a couple times.
Stop thinking of the worst-case scenario. Jesus.
Just then, a bright red umbrella catches my attention from the corner of my eye, and I look out the passenger window to see a familiar body moving hesitantly toward my car.
I can’t make out her expression because of the rain, so I lean over and push open the door.
“Get in,” I call out, and her pace quickens.
“What are you doing here?” she says as she pulls the door shut, setting her wet umbrella at her feet.
Her hair is in a braid over her left shoulder today, and a few wisps have come free and are framing her face.
Her cheeks are flushed and I guess she must be wearing some kind of makeup because her lips are darker than normal, a rich pink colour that looks far too kissable.
And when my gaze dips down, I see the slight swell of her stomach pressing against her sweater.
“Brady?”
When she says my name, I suddenly remember she asked me a question. “Oh. Sorry. You didn’t get my texts?”
Sage winces. “I worked a night shift last night and was the exhausted idiot who left my phone in my locker at the hospital when I went home this morning. I was going to stop and pick it up before the appointment.”
I exhale. “Well, that beats me thinking you were ignoring me or changed your mind about me coming today,” I blurt out.
Sage puts her hand on my arm that’s resting on the center console between us. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Brady. I promise.” She pulls her hand away and I immediately wish she hadn’t. “What were you texting me about?”
I give her a quick grin. “Offering you a ride, obviously.”
Thankfully, she smiles back. “Well, thank you. I’m glad you’re here.” She glances out the window and crinkles her nose. “It’s seriously gross out there.”
“Yeah, we had to cancel our game tomorrow, since the rain isn’t meant to let up.” I shake my head. “The guys are saying they’ve never seen this much rain in May before.” I change lanes and head toward the hospital.
“Oh, the clinic is over that way. If you turn left, not right, it’ll be faster,” Sage says, pointing in the opposite direction of where I’m headed.
“Yeah, but you wanted to grab your phone, right?”
I feel her staring at me, but I have to watch the road until I come to a stop at a light and I can look over at her.
“What?”
There’s an emotion stirring behind her eyes that I can’t quite make sense of. Not in the mere seconds I have before I need to turn back to the road in front of me.
“You really are a good guy.”
It comes out as a statement, not a question, but there’s still an obvious tone of disbelief to her voice.
I flex my grip on the steering wheel and debate how to respond.
I know she meant it as a compliment, but I also feel no small amount of frustration.
Am I not doing enough to make her believe that about me?
“Does that still surprise you?”
I chance another quick glance over to see her head resting against the headrest and a warm expression pointed my way.
“Not anymore.”
I exhale. Thank fuck.
“Good.”
Taking a chance, I move one hand and rest it just above her knee, giving her leg a gentle squeeze as I pull up in front of the entrance to the hospital. “I’ll wait here while you grab your phone.”
Less than fifteen minutes later, we’re at the clinic and being shown into a small room, with big windows that look out over the town.
Pregnancy growth charts are on one wall, along with some paintings of women and babies.
The lighting is soft and warm, and the couch we sit down on is surprisingly comfortable.
“This is a doctor’s office?” I mutter quietly to Sage, earning a giggle.
“Midwife.”
The door opens and an older woman walks in with a welcoming smile. “Hello, I’m Enid. You must be Sage and Brady?”
We shake hands and then she gets down to business, asking Sage all kinds of questions. When she goes to calculate an estimated date of conception, Sage interrupts her.
“Actually, we know exactly the date it happened.” Her cheeks turn pink.
Enid’s expression doesn’t give anything away as she makes a note on the paperwork in front of her. “Alright, wonderful. And how have you been feeling? Have you felt any fetal movement yet?”
“I don’t think so,” Sage says. “Maybe some weird bubbly feelings, but I figured I was hungry.”
“That’s normal,” Enid says. “A lot of first-time moms don’t feel much until later on.”
“Would it help if she laid on her left side? I read that it increases blood flow to the baby and might make their movements easier to feel.”
Both Sage and Enid look at me, but I’m focused on avoiding Sage’s surprised face.
“You read that?”
I rub the back of my neck, feeling a little embarrassed and hoping she doesn’t think I’m overstepping. “Yeah, I got a couple of books on pregnancy to read.”
Enid clears her throat and gives me a nod, like she’s impressed. “That’s a great point Brady, and you’re correct. Lying on your left side is ideal, especially as the pregnancy progresses.”
Gesturing to Sage, she says, “Do you mind lying down for me and lifting your shirt so I can take some measurements?”
I hop up off the couch and move to the side so Sage has room, but now I don’t know where to stand or what to do.
I want to see everything, be a part of everything, but where’s the line?
Should I look away? Not that she’s showing much, just her stomach, I assume, but still.
I don’t know how to act and that’s got me feeling antsy.
But if Sage feels uncomfortable with my presence as she pulls up her shirt, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she focuses on Enid, who’s using a thin fabric tape to measure her belly.
Her belly that I can’t stop staring at. My child is growing in there. My flesh and blood is rounding out Sage’s stomach. Holy crap.
“Excellent, everything is measuring perfectly. Shall we take a listen to their heartbeat?”
Sage nods eagerly and finally looks over to me with a wobbly smile. I take a step closer, and when she reaches out, I take another step and grasp her hand in mine.
Enid pulls out a small machine and squirts some blue gel onto the end of what I assume is the ultrasound machine. For some reason, my stomach flips. This is it.
At first, it’s just static, as Enid moves the wand around, pressing into Sage’s stomach.
Then, the static clears, and the sound of an unmistakable rhythm fills the room. A quick, steady sound that is quite possibly the most magical thing I’ve ever heard.
“Holy shit,” I breathe. “That’s really…that’s them?”
Enid nods. “That’s your baby. Sounding strong and healthy.”
And just like that, it’s real in a way it wasn’t before. I’m mesmerized by the thump, thump, thump of my baby’s heartbeat. My eyes start to burn with tears, and goose bumps prickle the back of my neck. That’s my kid.
Sage has a tight hold on my hand, and I look down to see her biting her lip and holding back tears of her own. I drop down to crouch beside her and gently push a few strands of hair off her face.
She turns to me and blinks rapidly, her gaze searching for what, I don’t know. I try to give her a reassuring smile, but my own emotions feel so big, I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m lost in the depths of Sage’s eyes, and the sound of our baby thriving. And it’s all thanks to the woman in front of me.
Clearing her throat, the midwife speaks softly as she steps back. “I’m going to give you two a moment while I grab some paperwork and information for you.”
As soon as the door shuts behind her, Sage tugs her shirt down and sits up, patting the couch beside her. I sit down, carefully keeping some space between us, in case she wants it.
“What else have you been reading in those books?” she asks quietly.
I shrug. “Just basic stuff about stages of pregnancy. I’m trying to understand what you’re going through and figure out what I could do to help. That’s all.”
When I lift my head to look at her, her eyes are shining. Shit, did I upset her? But before I can apologize, she throws her arms around my neck, squeezing tightly.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I murmur as I feel her shaking with tears.
Her head moves back and forth against my shoulder. “No, I’m not upset.”
She draws back, but I don’t let her get far, keeping hold of her hands. “Could’ve fooled me,” I joke lightly.
She lets out a tremulous laugh. “Blame the hormones, okay? You’re just, you’re so sweet. And we just heard our baby’s heartbeat. And you’re reading pregnancy books, and I’m—” She breaks off with another sob, and I pull her back into my arms, rubbing her back again.
God, it feels so good to hold her like this. To be able to offer her comfort and have her accept it.
“And you’re doing a fucking amazing job growing our baby,” I say softly. “Seriously, Sage, do you realize how incredible you are? You’re creating life. A whole new human being. Our baby is healthy, and doing well, because of you.”
She blinks up at me with a watery smile. “And because of you. I…I’m really glad I found you, Brady. If I had to get pregnant from a one-night stand, I’m glad it was with you.”
She rests her head back down on my chest, and it takes all of my restraint not to lean down and kiss her head. Instead, I settle for saying the absolute truth.
“I’m really glad it was me, too.”