13. Rule #13 Don’t make eye contact with your crush when you’re about to kiss your date. #2
When cool air hits the back of my neck, I fight the urge to cry. As his hands cup my face, his touch is the only thing holding me up.
“Look at me, Trouble,” he mutters with his lips so close I feel his breath on my cheek. It’s then that I realize I have my eyes squeezed shut. And when I open them, he’s there.
Feeling a little reckless and very selfish, I instantly imagine him touching her. The image is like acid in my brain, burning with a sickness. So I wrap my arms around him, savoring the fact that he’s here with me.
He’s mine.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, and it takes my brain a moment to realize he spoke in French. Why that matters, I’m not sure, but it feels more intimate. More him. His emotions are rooted in his own language, making his concern more potent.
I nod. Although to be honest, I don’t feel okay. I feel as if I’ve ruined a perfectly good evening, one I was excited about. I’m sure Jacob will want nothing to do with me now, and I’ve sabotaged Matis’s chances of being with another woman tonight.
“I’m sorry,” I whimper against his chest.
“Don’t be sorry, Trouble,” he replies, running a comforting hand over my back. “I will always take care of you, remember? That’s my promise.” Then, pulling my face away from his chest to stare into my eyes, he adds, “Always.”
His gaze burns into mine, and I desperately cling to it.
Matis doesn’t just make promises—he is a promise. He is my oath, my constant, my familiar. He is my true north. And I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to romanticize something so pure and innocent, but that doesn’t make it any less visceral.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I whisper.
“I’ll always be here.”
His eyes are still boring into mine, and I have to close my lids to sever the connection.
“Amelia, are you okay?”
The voice that cuts through the moment is not Matis’s but Jacob’s. I pop my eyes open to find him rushing toward us with a look of frantic concern.
He seems to have learned not to grab me or get in my face the way he did on the dance floor because he stands a foot away with his hands out like approaching a wild animal.
“Are you okay? I’m so sorry if I—”
“I’m fine,” I say, cutting him off. “I just get a little overwhelmed sometimes.”
Jacob shoves a hand in his curls, his eyes wide as the moon. “Shit, I’m so sorry. What a jerk I am. I should have—”
“Really, I’m fine,” I say with a smile, because the last thing in the world I want to be is a burden or the source of someone’s discomfort. I guess you could say my brother took all those traits for himself. He thrives in others’ discomfort.
Jacob’s worried eyes flash between me and Matis, and it’s then that I realize my godfather is still holding me in his arms. Which, I can admit, is a little strange for a wholly platonic relationship.
And at any moment, I expect Matis to let go.
Any moment…
Someone clears their throat. I’m too strung out and unable to focus on details to know which one.
“Would you like me to walk you home?” Jacob asks with hesitation.
“It’s far from here,” I reply. “Too far to walk.”
“A cab then?”
“I can get her home,” Matis replies just as he finally releases his hands from my shoulders. I’m not sure if the way he’s standing behind me so protectively passes as a father figure or a lover. My perception when it comes to him is far too skewed to determine.
Jacob nods, his brows so furrowed I’m afraid they’ll get stuck that way. “I’m really sorry again. I thought we were having a great time.”
Well, fuck. Now I feel really bad. Because we were having a good time. And he is sort of perfect for me. And maybe I should let him take me home.
“Give us a second, okay?” I turn my head toward Matis, and I realize I’ve never seen him look so tense or guarded. My carefree, laissez-faire man looks like he could punch a hole through Jacob’s face.
“I’ll go say goodbye to Olivia,” he mutters, slightly more coldly than he normally speaks.
“Good idea.”
With that, he moves away from his protective stance behind me and walks back into the bar. As soon as Jacob and I are alone, I revel in the handsome, awkward smirk on his face.
“He hates me,” he says with a chuckle.
“No, he doesn’t. He just takes his job as my protector very seriously.”
Jacob scratches the back of his neck as he watches the door Matis disappeared through. “Is your dad this protective?”
My head tilts as I consider the question. “Actually, no.”
I mean, don’t get me wrong, my dad is always checking on me and giving me stern fatherly lectures on safety in the city for a young woman, but he never gets between me and men or imposes his opinion on who I’m seeing.
Matis’s protection is different.
Deciding to drop the conversation about him, Jacob takes a slow step toward me. “I really am sorry if I somehow fucked this up. I felt something back there, but if you didn’t, that’s okay. Just…put me out of my misery. No hard feelings.”
I think back to that moment, just before Jacob was about to kiss me and I was feeling something. I could see everything falling into place. Even if he does live in America, I could see something fun and maybe low pressure that would feel good. A real boyfriend.
But then I chose to focus on the one person I’m not supposed to be focusing on, and I sabotaged myself.
“I felt it too,” I reply, and his face lights up in response.
“You did?”
“Yeah, I did. I should be the one apologizing,” I stammer.
“No, you shouldn’t. You have nothing to be sorry about,” he says, lightly placing his fingers on my arm.
See, this guy knows all the right things to say. So what on earth is holding me back?
“Maybe we could try again?” I ask. “Another night.”
“I’d love that,” Jacob replies with excitement. “I’ll cancel all our plans. Fuck the Louvre. Who needs the Eiffel Tower?”
I let out a chuckle. “Don’t cancel your plans. Just…text me tomorrow?”
“Yes, you got it. I will text you tomorrow.”
As the air between us grows tense again, I wonder if I should lean in for a kiss. He has the same sort of uncertain look on his face. But before either of us get a chance to even consider it, the front door opens again, and both Matis and Olivia walk out.
She’s clinging to his side with a smile like she was just laughing at something he said. That’s the thing about Matis. No matter what mood he’s in, he can charm anyone with little to no effort.
“Tonight was fun,” he says to everyone as he joins our sides.
“Yeah, it was,” Olivia replies.
“I’ll text you tomorrow then,” Jacob says to me.
And just like that, our double date comes to an end. The four of us split off, and Matis and I are left alone in front of the club, watching the other two walk away.