CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
S o, I decided to date online…
by: Sofia Daria
So, I decided to date online…and I think I lost myself a little.
I’m not even sure where to begin for this last date of mine, but I sabotaged it. I never even gave it a chance. To be honest, even if I had given him a chance, it wouldn’t have worked out with some of the comments he made towards the end. However, I did learn how to properly hit balls at the driving range, and I did eat some pretty fantastic wings. That’s got to count for something, right?
I went back online for the purpose of these articles instead of following my gut. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t ready to get back out there after the deceit I felt from Mystery Man. But I did it anyway.
I write as much as I remember from the “date.”
Now, I sit here, slightly hungover, and I am contemplating the last few weeks.
Maybe online dating just wasn’t for me. I mean, I am super happy that I got to experience most of these dates, I met someone who’s become a really great friend to me and my friends. I got to experience different activities I’m not sure I would have done had it not been suggested to me by a date. Salsa dancing, a football game, the driving range.
Or maybe the online dating thing was never going to work out for me because I wasn’t ready. Or maybe because there was someone in front of me the whole time.
I’ll leave you with this…Go out, experience things, laugh, love, and be vulnerable. You never know where life will take you or who you will meet along the way. Just be safe, and follow not only your gut but your heart.
Thank you for following me on my journey.
* * *
I’m sitting in a park, the same one where I met Cole, facing the water and watching the ducks. I have my laptop with me, and a notepad.
Miriam contacted me right after I sent her the article. She wants to meet, and I’m not really sure what this is about, but I mark it in my calendar.
I feel like my head has been in a fog the last week. She says the way I left the article, mentioning that maybe I had someone in front of me the whole time, has left the fans of my articles wanting to know more. I can’t tell her more right now. I don’t know what’s going to happen—if anything. I just know that I need to get my head space back to normal.
I dangle my legs and move my feet around until my flip-flops slide off and tuck my feet underneath me. I pull my notebook onto my lap and close my eyes.
I feel the hot sun on my face. I let myself listen to the sounds of the ducks, the birds flying overhead, and the kids playing at the splash pad nearby. I let my mind wander as I breathe in and out slowly. I’m working on soothing some of my anxiety. Life is moving too fast, and I don’t want to spend it caught up in the fog I’ve been flying through, just slightly above the ground.
I place my hands on my notebook and let myself feel it, bringing me back to this moment without getting too caught up in my head.
I asked Emily if she wanted a few extra shifts this week and decided to take a few vacation days. She was thrilled to have the extra hours.
I haven’t seen Ben in a week, just between our schedules and my impromptu time off.
But I’m not thinking of him right now. I’m thinking of me. I think back to the proposal from Jake. I wonder if I was so caught up in my anxiety back then, and that’s why I didn’t really expect it or see it coming. I never noticed how I was the one drifting in the relationship. I became so self-absorbed with my own issues, thoughts and dreams, that I wasn’t really present for others in my life, not the way they deserved me to be.
Including Ben.
I need to see the beauty that lies all around me. I open my eyes and look around at the flowers planted nearby. I need to really appreciate my friendships and relationships.
I’m not saying that I haven’t been, but man, am I ever lucky to have my friends.
I open the notebook and look down at something I wrote last year.
My First Novel
I take out my purple pen. It’s time.
I’ve put my dream of being a writer on the back burner, waiting for life to happen in the way I wanted it to. With a life, and romance like the one my parents had shared so many years ago. But maybe I have something better right now. Maybe the love that my friends and I share is enough.
I’ve decided I’m going to write. Maybe someday I will write about a great romance that will be inspired by one that I get to live, but maybe right now, I can find inspiration in the world around me.
I spend the next hour making notes. I come up with character ideas, a plot that has been circling my brain for the last few days, and a few settings. I think about the kind of story I’m going to write. I mean, obviously, it will have some romance, but I think it will be based on three best friends.
I’m in the zone when I feel arms wrap around me from behind, and I scream as if I’m about to be murdered. My heart pounds hard in my chest.
I hear light laughter and a loud cackle.
“Oh. My. God. Lucy! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” I say, grasping at my chest. Briar comes around until she’s in front of me while Lucy remains where she is, arms around me.
“I told her not to. I told you, Luce, that you’d scare her to death.” She picks up my laptop and sits beside me in its place. “How’s it going?” she asks.
I’m still trying to get my heart to calm down, and between breaths, I manage to tell her about the notes I’ve made so far. Lucy lets go of me and comes around, joining us on the bench. She gives me a side hug.
“I’m so happy for you,” she says, smiling.
I close my notebook and decide that’s enough for now. I note the picnic basket Lucy set at her feet. “What kind of goodies do you have in there?”
“Well, let’s see. Briar brought some sandwiches she made on ciabatta buns with some of that good cheese, and I packed up some watermelon and cantaloupe. Oh, and some green grapes.”
“Sounds perfect,” I say. “Let’s make our way to the spot.”
Lucy and Briar stand simultaneously.
“Yup, I’m starving,” Briar admits.
I pick up my bag, and we head to this little spot to the left of the river, where there’s a small clearing. We came across this spot accidentally a couple of years ago when we were out for a walk, and it’s like a setting in a movie. The perfect spot for a picnic. So we agreed that day that we would have at least two picnics in this spot, our spot, every summer. It’s not quite summer yet, but the temperature has warmed up enough that the ground doesn’t feel too cool under the large quilt I pull out from my bag.
I set my bags down as I fan out the quilt until it’s sitting perfectly on the ground, and I kick off my flip-flops again. Lucy and Briar do the same, and we sit barefoot, crossed-legged around the picnic basket.
Lucy opens the basket up and starts handing out our sandwiches. I’m not much of a sandwich type of girl, but Briar makes the best kind. I take it out of the reusable plastic Ziplock and see that it’s filled with creamy avocado, her white bean spread, tomato slices, and baby spinach.
I take a large bite. “This is so good, Briar.”
We manage to eat everything, with only a few green grapes left over. But they look a little sketchy, so we decide against finishing them off.
Briar tells us how she’s leaving for her trip in less than five weeks. She only has four weeks left of school. Sometimes, I wish I had gone the route of becoming a teacher, but it would have been for the wrong reasons. It would have only been so that I’d have the summers off. I would not make a great teacher.
She shows us pictures on her phone of Costa Rica and where she will be staying for the retreat. “You’re going to be right in the middle of the jungle,” I exclaim. My eyes widened at the beautiful pictures.
It’s like what you would expect—yoga mats all laid out in a single file across a golden floor in an open hut. It overlooks acres of rainforest, and just passed the beautiful forest, you can see the ocean.
“I’m so excited. You have no idea,” she says, her eyes lighting up.
I place my hand on her knee. “I know you’ve been saving up for this trip. It’s going to be amazing. You deserve this.”
Lucy rests her chin on my shoulder as she peers over me at Briar’s phone. “So when are we having your going away party?” she asks.
Briar laughs. “Better idea. Let’s have one of our sleepovers!”
It’s been quite a while since we had a sleepover. After we moved out of the dorm and into our separate apartments after college, we had weekly sleepovers. They’ve kind of dwindled over time.
“Yes, let’s!” I agree, and Briar nods.
She puts her phone back down on the blanket and closes the picnic basket, moving it to the side and stretching out her long legs.
Lucy and I follow, leaning back on our elbows and peering up at the blue sky.
I knock the side of Lucy’s foot with mine. “And you, when are we celebrating your big promotion?”
“It’s not mine…yet.”
“You’ll get it.”
“I know I will. We’re almost done with this account, and it’s going really, really well,” she says. “There’s a dinner with the clients in two weeks, and the announcement will be made then.”
“So, are we invited?” Briar asks.
We used to crash all of Lucy’s client events. There are so many people who attend, as long as you look the part and wear some swanky dress; no one even notices that you shouldn’t be there.
“Hell, yeah!” she says.
We all laugh, and I look from Lucy to Briar and take this moment in fully before letting myself fall onto my back, eyes closed, sun on my face.
This is my happy place.