CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
I ’m cleaning out my bedroom closet when I hear the buzzer go off in the living room. I look around at the piles of clothes that are now scattered everywhere, floor, bed, dresser. There’s not an ounce of space left untouched in my bedroom.
I hop my way out of the room as if I’m a kid trying not to touch the lava.
I press the intercom. “Hello?”
“It’s Ben.”
I step back from the intercom, hesitant. No, this is good. We’re friends again. There’s been no mention of that kiss we shared or the fact that we’re both single. Just friends. I can do this.
“Come on up.”
I watch him make his way up the flight of stairs. I look down and suddenly realize that I haven’t even showered yet today. My hair is pulled back in an old headband with wisps flying everywhere, and I have on an old Toronto Blue Jays top and some spandex shorts.
Too late, I can’t possibly shower, wash my hair, and change before he makes it up the last three steps.
“Hi,” I say when he enters my apartment. “What are you doing here?”
He crosses his arms, his biceps straining the sleeves of his blue t-shirt.
“I just thought you might like some company,” he says.
“Oh, okay,” I say, closing the door behind him. “Yeah, it’s just…” I point towards my bedroom and turn as he follows me. “I was kind of trying to de-clutter and get rid of some stuff.”
I see his expression change as he looks around my room. He starts roaring, and it catches me off guard. I turn to see what he’s laughing at, and I notice Bob’s tiny face peering out of a mountain of clothes. He must have dug his way through.
“Oh, Bob,” I say, laughing so hard my body is shaking. “You’re so freaking cute.”
I make my way over to his tiny face and pet between his eyes - where his eyebrows would be if he had some.
Ben walks in, making his way to my bed. I see he is also walking as if there is lava everywhere. He pushes a pile of clothes to the side and sits. I like that he can make himself at home here and with Bob. Feels like we have definitely grown closer in the last few months. I keep looking down at his chest. I can’t help it. I’m still attracted to him.
But friends, we’re just friends. I remind myself.
“You have a shit-load of clothes,” he says.
I laugh. He’s not wrong.
“Well, I’m trying to remedy that.” I motion around my room. “I’m guessing you’re rethinking the random stop-in?”
I walk to my closet and disappear inside. My apartment might be on the small side, but at least I have decent closet space.
“No, not at all. Let me know what I can do to help.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously,” he says, standing.
“Okay, that pile there are all donations, if you want to fold them and place them in some garbage bags?” I feel bad for asking, but I hand him two garbage bags.
He takes them and starts folding my sweaters without saying a word.
I turn on some music.
I start taking out the empty hangers and look at my closet. I’m singing softly to myself when I notice that Ben is doing the same. We spend the next hour taking turns playing songs, and my room is coming together quicker than it would be if I were alone. I look at the clock beside my bed, my body telling me I haven’t eaten in a few hours.
“Want pizza?” I ask.
“Sounds good.”
He’s placing my jeans diligently on hangers. It’s funny to see him sitting on my floor, legs crossed, folding and organizing my clothes. He’s made a few comments about some of the random pieces that I’ve purchased throughout the years. But it’s Ben. What does he know? He only knows jeans and t-shirts.
I step over the few remaining piles that need to be hung back up and around three garbage bags of donations. It feels good to get rid of stuff that is just taking up space. Plus, I like to donate my clothes to the women’s shelter a few blocks away. Then I know they’re helping out women directly.
I order a large pizza because who doesn’t want leftovers for breakfast, and I also get a Caesar salad and bread sticks. When I get back to my room, I stop and find myself staring at Ben.
We’re just friends.
We are just friends.
Friends.
But then, why do I want to walk right over to him, grab his face, and kiss him?
How could I have been so blind? He is the sweetest guy I know. Sitting here with me, he seems to be the happiest person in the world, as we go through my clothes and spend time together.
He turns to me, catching me staring at him. He smirks, and I wonder for a split second if he could hear my thoughts.
He’s quiet, but his eyes don’t leave mine. His fingers have stopped folding my pink cashmere sweater. Time stops for just a minute while we share this same space. The pile of hoodies beside him starts moving, and I see Bob attempting to climb out. We watch as he finally takes a jumps and makes a dash for the hallway as if he has been held captive for weeks, and his freedom has now been returned to him.
We hang up the rest of my stuff, and I’m just closing the closet doors when the buzzer rings.
I meet the pizza guy halfway up the stairs. I pay him and take the warm boxes up.
“This is a lot of food,” Ben says, grabbing two plates from the cupboard.
“I want leftovers, plus I’m actually really happy you stopped by and helped out. I’m pretty sure I would have given up by now and would have just joined Bob in a pile of clothes and wished for a Genie to grant me three wishes. One of those wishes being to go back in time before I felt the need to clean.”
We take our plates to the living room. “Wouldn’t it be better to wish that the room was de-cluttered and cleaned instead of going backward?”
“But the Genie wouldn’t know what pieces I’d want to keep and which to donate,” I say, biting into a slice of pizza.
“I guess that makes sense. What would your other two wishes be?”
“Hmm, I’m not sure.” I finish my slice and pick up a mouthful of salad.
“Remember, a Genie can’t bring anyone back from the dead, can’t kill anyone, and can’t make someone fall in love with you.”
“Well damn, what’s left?” I say, laughing. Ben smiles. “I don’t know, what would you wish for?”
He puts down his empty plate and leans back against my couch. “I wish I could buy out Plants, Pottery & Books. I know my uncle would love to travel the world, and I’d like to do that for him. But also, I’d really love to own it.”
“Has Jeffrey talked about handing it over to you one day?” I ask, matching his positioning on the couch.
“He’s made comments about the future…” I can see Ben processing his thoughts on the subject.
“Maybe one day you will be able to,” I say and place my hand on his thigh in comfort. I glance down at my hand, and I see Ben do the same. I pull it away quickly. I stand and make my way back to the kitchen. I can feel his eyes watching me as I walk away. “Want another one?” I call out.
“No, thanks.” He whispers behind me.
Unaware that he followed me to the kitchen, my body tenses. I close the pizza box as his hands come to my waist. And I’m frozen, unsure how to act in this moment.
“Ben…” I say, leaving it at that.
He turns me, facing him. I look up. Our bodies are only inches apart. I feel the butterflies coming back to life deep within my belly. My breath catches as he peers down at me. His eyes tell me more than his silence does. The intensity of his gaze is like a magnet to my soul.
I hear something move beside me on the counter, and I look over to see Bob sniffing the breadsticks. “Bob, no! Get down!” I place him on the floor. “Bad, Bob!”
I lean against the counter and look sheepishly at Ben. I can feel my cheeks flush as I try to think of what to say. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
My own cat just cockblocked me.
Bob stares at me from the floor, and I squint at him.
“Sorry about that.” I take the leftover pizza and breadsticks and place them in the fridge along with the salad, avoiding his gaze. I’m not sure what else to say or how to act, so I walk around Ben and make my way back to the living room. He follows me. “Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask as he sits back down beside me on the couch.
He nods.
I think the moment has passed, and it’s clear that neither of us is going to be addressing it. I feel awkward as hell. I remind myself that we’re just friends. And I repeat this over and over in my head as I scroll through movies.
“See anything you like?”
We settle on a new release, and I bring my legs on the couch, trying to get comfy. Ben grabs my feet and places them across his lap. “This, okay?”
I nod and focus my attention on how it feels to have his hands on me. I suddenly wish my mouth was also on him. The more I try to convince myself that we are just friends, the more the friendship lines blur and become indistinguishable.
We watch the movie, and about halfway through I can feel my eyes growing heavy.
I hear the credits rolling when I feel Ben move underneath me. He lifts my legs and stands, setting my feet back down gently on the couch.
I’m only mildly awake as I feel his lips brush my forehead softly. I murmur as he says goodnight. I turn over on the couch as I hear the door click close behind him.