Chapter 36
James was right, she knew he was, of course he was.
Andrea and Sophie were her only true friends in the world, which was a bit of a sad state of affairs, truth be told, especially as one of them was also her boss.
‘Felicity, are you okay?’ said one of them now – Andrea, in fact – her brusque voice drawing Felicity back into the present. ‘Only you’ve been sat in that chair for ten minutes now. Don’t you have a home to go to?’
It was the end of shift and yes, Felicity very much did have a home to go to. One with a lovely man in it and three gorgeous cats and she knew she should be skipping home to them immediately, but something was holding her back.
‘Andrea…’ she said.
‘Yes…?’
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘I think you just did.’
‘You’re hilarious,’ said Felicity in her most sombre voice. Go gently. ‘It’s just… we were talking the other night and, well, we really need to get on and organise the fundraiser soon, just checking that’s still okay?’
Andrea spun round sharply.
‘Who’s we?’
‘Me, I said.’
‘No, you said we. Who’s the we, exactly?’
‘I think you’re missing the point.’
‘It’s Harry, isn’t it?’
Felicity sighed. ‘It might be, yes. And Tristan. And James. We were thinking we could do it in a couple of weeks’ time, on Saturday 6th, maybe?
Saskia and Harry – sorry, Diana – are all lined up and I’ve sort of taken the liberty of organising some food vans and we charge people to come and look round and see the animals.
’ She felt her face flush. ‘And perhaps we might raise a bit of money for the bank?’
Andrea’s forehead crinkled as she leant against the cheap Formica worktop.
‘It’s very sweet but we need a lot of money to make this work. I still don’t think—’
Felicity cut her off. ‘What have we got to lose? You never know, someone might make a big donation.’ She tried to keep her voice steady. Chance would be a fine thing but they had to try.
‘Well, I don’t know. I suppose it’s worth a try,’ said her boss after a moment. ‘Now tell me more about this conversation the other night. I want to know everything.’
Felicity shrugged. ‘We just had Harry and Tristan over for dinner. Nothing really to report.’
Andrea’s face fell. That clearly wasn’t the right thing to say.
‘Nothing? Didn’t he… they… didn’t they mention me?’
Understanding dawned at last. ‘Do you mean, did my long-lost father talk about you? Is that what you’re asking?’ said Felicity. She couldn’t help scowling just a little bit.
Andrea had the good grace to look a little bit awkward about it, as she nodded. ‘Yes. I just…’
‘Are you in love with him?’ said Felicity, taking both of them by surprise.
‘Am I what?’
‘You heard me.’
Her boss looked stunned.
‘Don’t tell me you’re lost for words,’ said Felicity, incredulously. ‘You’ve never ever been lost for words in the whole time I’ve known you.’
Andrea turned away and pretended to wipe the counter. ‘I’m locking up in a minute,’ she muttered under her breath. ‘Time to go.’
Conversation over then.
Felicity nodded and headed for the door. Then she turned, and spoke quietly to her boss’s back. ‘Sorry, I hope I didn’t overstep the mark there.’
Andrea’s shoulders sagged a little, but she didn’t turn. ‘Not at all. We’re practically family.’
‘Ew,’ said Felicity.
Andrea turned to face her then, a smile just twitching at the corner of her lips.
‘Not like that. I mean, you and I are practically family, that’s what I meant.’
Felicity resisted the urge to go and hug her. ‘I know what you meant. I feel the same. But still, I shouldn’t have said it.’
‘Don’t worry about it. See you tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, see you. Glad the whole Diana Edwards thing hasn’t put you off.’
‘Quite the opposite if anything,’ said Andrea.
‘Ew,’ said Felicity again, with feeling this time.
As she drove back to the house that night, rain pattering on the windshield of her old beat-up Mini Clubman, Felicity couldn’t shake a weird feeling of doom.
She knew she should be happy for Andrea, she had dated a lot of men since Felicity had known her and she had never ever seen her like this before.
If she was happy, if she was in love with Harry, who was Felicity to stand in their way?
It wasn’t like she even had any kind of father-daughter relationship with him.
So why did she feel so peculiar?
Perhaps it was jealousy. Perhaps seeing Andrea and Harry bonding when it was meant to be Felicity and Harry bonding (though not in exactly the same way – ew) was making her jealous?
She thought about this for a few minutes and then dismissed it.
No. That wasn’t it. She was pleased they had met, if anything.
Deep down, anyway. Andrea was the closest thing she had to a mother figure in her life and Lord knows the mother she was born with had been anything but motherly, or even vaguely competent, for most of Felicity’s life.
So why, then, was her stomach in knots at the thought of Harry and Andrea together?
She racked her brain, humming along to “Birdhouse in Your Soul” on the radio as she did so, and wondering for the umpteenth time how a song about a nightlight shaped like a canary could be quite so damn catchy.
And then it hit her.
The impending doom was Harry himself.
Felicity may not have seen him for years but he had run away on Boxing Day and moved in with another woman when Felicity was just six years old.
Jocelyn had been cheating on him, fair enough, but Harry had still betrayed their trust and left them completely bereft, just when they really needed a father.
Felicity couldn’t help but feel he was only going to let her down again at some point.
Once an abandoner, always an abandoner, right?
It was the reason she was only letting him get so close right now.
That revelation made her gasp. She had been holding him off.
Not letting him hug her and not sharing too much of her own life with him.
Even as an adult her subconscious was protecting her from getting too close.
She knew he still had the ability to hurt her deeply if she let him.
What if he did the same to Andrea? How could she sit by and let dear Andrea get hurt?
And then it hit her square between the eyes. She was a terrible friend. She was already letting exactly the same happen to Bex.
I have to do something, she told herself, as she pulled her crappy old car into the driveway next to James’s fancy red Mustang and his “save the planet” electric number. I have to protect both of them from making terrible mistakes.
But how?
And was she too late to save either of them?