Chapter 38
Felicity was sitting at home that night, licking her wounds, while Bobby Charlton purred away on her knees doing his best to cheer her up, when the doorbell rang. Standing on the front step was Bex, face lined with streaks of make-up, eyes red.
Before Felicity could even say a word Bex had thrown her arms around her neck. She resisted the urge to push her away.
‘Fliss… I’m so very sorry,’ Bex was murmuring into her ear, over and over again. Her long dark hair tickled Felicity’s nose. She patted Bex’s back tentatively – Bex was another non-hugger in her life so this was still relatively new territory – and waited for the hug to end.
‘It’s okay,’ said Felicity eventually, even though it wasn’t.
Bex pulled back and looked at her. Felicity couldn’t read her expression but then she had long felt like a stranger.
‘Come in,’ said Felicity, and led her friend, or whoever this person was, through to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
‘Is James here?’ said Bex, wiping her eyes.
‘No, he’s at work late today so he can be free for the wedding tomorrow. It’s just me.’
‘Oh. Good. I mean, not that I don’t want to see him of course.’
‘I know.’
They took their cups of tea through to the lounge area and Bex perched on the edge of the squishiest armchair, her feet placed neatly together on the floor, still sniffing.
Felicity curled up on the sofa and tucked her feet underneath her.
Immediately little Holly the cat came and sat on her lap.
Felicity absently stroked her ginger-and-white fur and waited for Bex to speak.
‘I’m getting married tomorrow,’ said Bex, eventually.
Felicity huffed a laugh. ‘I know that.’
‘And I really need you to be there.’
‘I don’t think that’s appropriate, do you?’ Felicity had already planned a Saturday of sofa-surfing and a marathon of the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice if James would tolerate it. Her go-to hiding-place show.
Bex started to cry. Not dainty barely-there crying like her usual but more of those big racking sobs that shook her whole body.
Felicity wondered if she actually wasn’t coping.
Something was very wrong. ‘You’re my maid of honour,’ she said between convulsions, trying to get her breathing under control.
‘Not anymore,’ said Felicity. And then she felt bad. ‘I mean, I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can do it.’
‘But you’re my friend. I need you beside me,’ said Bex and something in her tone broke something inside Felicity’s soul. Tears sprang to her eyes. Time to speak the truth.
‘Bex, you’re marrying Adam. My childhood sweetheart—’
‘I know that, but—’
Felicity held up a hand. Bex’s eyes widened.
‘No,’ said Felicity firmly. ‘This time you are going to let me finish, Bex. You are marrying my childhood sweetheart. You expect me to stand beside you as your maid of honour as you do that. And, bizarrely, you seem to think I’m going to be fine with all that. News flash. I’m not.’
Felicity paused, waiting for an indignant outcry that never came. Bex just nodded dumbly.
‘And that’s not because I’m in love with Adam or anything ridiculous like that,’ Felicity went on. ‘Just to be clear. There is no love lost between Adam and I. Right?’
Bex nodded harder.
‘But that doesn’t mean I’m thrilled about this wedding. And that’s okay.’ Felicity knew as she said it that it was true. It was okay for her to feel like this and she didn’t need to apologise for it. It was the first time her brain had caught up with her gut.
Bex was still nodding.
‘You’re right,’ she said, her long red-painted fingernails tapping vigorously on the arm of the chair. ‘I have asked you to do something completely unfair.’
‘I’m glad you can finally see it.’ Felicity’s heart was thumping but she tried to keep her tone calm, neutral. It was the night before Bex’s wedding after all and the next few words were critical.
‘I can see it.’ Bex took a deep breath. ‘I know you’re worried about me and I have to say I haven’t always been but I’m super appreciative of that now. You’ve always been a great friend to me, Felicity.’
Felicity shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. ‘I’ve tried to be,’ she said in a small voice.
Bex inhaled deeply. ‘But I am still going to ask you to be there tomorrow. Please, Felicity. I know it must be hard but you’re one of my only real friends and if I don’t have you there it’ll be like I don’t have your blessing.’
‘You don’t.’ Felicity crossed her arms.
Bex waved a hand. ‘I know that and you know that and Adam knows that but no one else knows that, do they? They’ll all be watching…’ Her voice tailed off.
Realisation hit Felicity like a freight train. ‘So you want to make it look like I approve? Is that what this is all about?’ Her voice was rising in pitch. Just when she thought things were getting better. She finally understood the phrase “tearing your hair out”.
Bex nodded once. ‘Yes, of course it is. I want – no, I need everyone to see that you’re okay with this.
Otherwise I’ll always worry and my family will be worried too and we don’t need that.
You know? I love Adam and I don’t want any whispering tomorrow about the fact he used to be with you.
I need you there so they can see it’s all okay between us. ’
She paused.
‘It is all okay between us, right? I mean, aside from me puking on you at the hen do that is.’ Bex gave a weak smile.
Felicity looked at her for a long moment.
‘Let me get this straight in my head. You want me to come and be your maid of honour and show the world I’m fine with you marrying Adam?’
‘That’s exactly it, yes,’ said Bex, relief palpable.
Another long pause while Felicity considered her options.
There weren’t many. She could lose Bex’s friendship forever or she could stand up there tomorrow and show the world she thought Adam wasn’t the most terrible guy on the planet.
Even though he was. And even though Bex’s friendship was hardly worth saving.
‘Fine. I’ll do it,’ she said, regretting the words even as they left her mouth. Bex started crying all over again.
It was just one day, right? How bad could it be?
Pretty bad, as it turned out, although it mostly wasn’t Felicity’s fault, in the end. Mostly.