Chapter 46
On Monday morning Felicity crept into Animal Saviours, hardly daring to breathe.
There was no sign of Andrea, but she found Charlie with his feet up in the staff room, carefully rolling a cigarette, which always made him look as if he’d been born a century too late.
He leapt up when he saw Felicity in the doorway. ‘Ah, just the person I was hoping to see.’
‘I do work here.’
‘Yes, I’m aware.’
‘You okay, Charlie?’
‘Yes, all good, thanks.’
Felicity flicked the kettle on. ‘Any sign of Andrea?’
‘She left a message in the office, asked us to start without her.’
Weird. A little shiver ran down Felicity’s spine but she shook it off and tried to look calm and professional. ‘Best we do that then I guess.’
Charlie waved a hand. ‘Yes but first I need to ask you something. Tell you something, I mean.’
Felicity leant back on the counter. ‘You have as long as it takes me to brew this tea.’
Charlie nodded eagerly and Felicity felt a pang of affection for him. He wasn’t so bad.
‘Okay, look,’ he said, staring at the ground. ‘I’m really sorry for coming onto you. I know you’re with James—’
She cut him off hastily. ‘And even if I wasn’t, you’d be far too young for me.’
He went on. ‘Yes, I know, and that. Although I still maintain that we could make a go of it.’
‘Charlie!’
‘Sorry. Okay, look, I’m sorry anyway. And I wanted to say thanks. Because this is my last week working here.’
‘Oh. Er, sorry. I didn’t know.’
Charlie shifted from foot to foot. ‘Yeah, well, I’ve got to get back to college anyway. But look, I wanted to thank you because I’ve, well, you’ve… I…’
Felicity attempted an encouraging smile. He’s just a kid, remember.
Emboldened, Charlie took in a breath and stumbled on. ‘I know it might not always show but I’ve really loved working here and working with you. You’ve been really kind.’
‘I don’t know about that, Charlie,’ said Felicity. It was taking a huge effort to keep her face neutral.
‘No, you have. I’m not really used to that.’
‘How so?’
‘My parents are not kind.’
There it was.
Something twisted inside Felicity and tears sprang to her eyes.
‘Charlie… I…’
He threw up a hand. ‘No, it’s okay, it’s just that I’m not used to people treating me like an adult. Or like I’ve got something to say.’ He gestured between them. ‘Even this, like now, you’re listening to me, you know?’
It was the most words he’d ever said in one go. Felicity felt a rush of guilt for giving him a tea-brew time limit.
She stepped forwards and before he could object, she gave him one quick, warm hug, then stepped back. He smiled but for once it didn’t seem suggestive. Was he learning at last?
‘Thanks…’
‘Look, Charlie, I don’t know how much you know about me but my parents weren’t kind either. I know Harry is a great guy now but he wasn’t… well, let’s say he wasn’t always around back then. And my mum… she was really not very good at it, to tell the truth.’
It was the first time it had occurred to her.
Perhaps Jocelyn had just really struggled with motherhood.
People did, didn’t they? Maybe she had postpartum depression or worse, new mums even had psychosis sometimes, didn’t they?
She’d seen something about it on EastEnders once.
Or maybe Jocelyn just wasn’t suited to it.
Perhaps the drinking was her way to cope.
This all zipped through Felicity’s mind in the time it took her to take her teabag out of her mug and drop it in the bin.
‘I’m really sorry, Felicity.’
‘Thanks. And I’m sorry about your situation.’ She paused, wondering how to say it. ‘They don’t… hit you, do they?’ she said. ‘Nothing physical or…?’ She left the sentence hanging.
Charlie shook his head almost violently, his black fringe falling over his forehead.
‘Nothing like that. It’s more like I’m completely invisible. Which seems worse but I’m sure it’s not.’
‘It can be just as painful, emotionally at least, and it’s definitely not okay,’ said Felicity. And then another thought crept into her brain. ‘Is this why you did all that stuff? To get their attention?’
Charlie didn’t even pretend to consider this. ‘Yup. Got me lots too. Just not the right sort.’
‘You know that’s not the answer, right?’
‘I know,’ he said, dropping his shoulders in a sort of half shrug.
‘So you’re not going to get in any more trouble, right? Your parents love you, I’m sure, they might just not be very good at showing it. Give them a chance.’
He looked at her for a long moment then, his dark eyes almost navy under the shoddy staff-room strip light.
‘I’ll try. For you.’
‘For me. Thanks, Charlie.’
‘No, thank you.’
‘Right, that’s quite enough of that.’ Felicity laughed. ‘We’d better get on with rounds or Andrea will have our heads.’
‘Bagsy the puppy room,’ said Charlie, already on his way.
‘You got it. I’ll be there in a sec.’
Felicity sat down in a chair and took a few soothing breaths.
It had been a while since she had thought about Jocelyn, her emotionally absent mother, and it always knocked the wind out of her.
She still hadn’t decided if it was better to have emotionally distant parents or alcoholic ones or ones that only turn up after thirty years to see if you are still alive. Or perhaps no parents at all?
At the end of the shift, Andrea finally showed up. She accosted Felicity while she was having a sneaky last cuddle with the pups.
‘So, the thing is…’ she began.
Felicity gave Mike’s little snoot a boop. ‘You’re moving to Guernsey. With my father. And I need to start looking for a new job.’
‘How did you know what I was going to say?’
‘I can sense it. You have a different air about you already. Just please tell me you can take all these lovely little ones with you when you go.’
‘You’re being very calm about all this, Felicity.’
‘It’s hard not to be calm when you’re jiggling a puppy,’ she replied, nuzzling Mike’s tiny little body and letting his wiggles soothe her.
‘But you’re not okay really.’
‘I’m… not, not okay. I mean, I love this job, of course, but there are other jobs I guess. It’s just… I’m not sure what I’m going to do without you. Or Harry for that matter. I’ve only just found him.’
‘Well… That’s the thing.’
Felicity put Mike down in his box amongst the other little wiggling bodies and turned to face her boss.
‘What’s the thing?’ she said.
Andrea cleared her throat noisily. ‘So, the thing is that the other day I was having a chat with James and he said why don’t you both go to Guernsey too?’
‘The other day? Didn’t you just find out about this on Saturday?’
Andrea took a small step backwards. ‘I did. That’s right.’
Felicity drew in her breath, trying not to scream and frighten the puppies.
‘You did just find out about this plan on Saturday, right?’
‘Yes…’
‘There’s no way you three have been in cahoots about this all along, is there?’
‘Definitely not.’ Andrea’s usually ruddy face was a little pale, she thought.
‘That’s good then. Excuse me while I just step outside for a moment.’
Felicity ran to the front door and stuck her head outside, taking a few gulps of air and mouthing a few choice swear words into the universe.
Then she closed the door and made her way back along the hall, heart thumping in the top of her head, making her feel woozy.
Andrea was waiting outside the puppy room for her. Looking contrite, as well she might.
‘I feel like a total idiot,’ said Felicity.
‘It’s not like we didn’t tell you.’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘It’s more like we made some preparations ahead of time.’
‘I don’t know if you’re expecting me to be grateful for that.’
‘Not exactly, just trying to explain. So you don’t feel like we’re just abandoning you.’
‘I’m used to it by now.’
‘Can you at least let me say what I need to say?’
Felicity crossed her arms. ‘This ought to be good.’
Andrea ran a hand down her face. Her hair was coming out of her plait all over the place so she looked even more like Crazy Animal Lady than usual. Felicity resisted the urge to pat it down.
She took a deep breath before speaking. ‘I’m not sure how to put this.’
‘Try,’ said Felicity, a little more sharply than she’d intended.
‘It’s just, I guess we know Guernsey is sensitive for you, you know? So… the thing is… we didn’t want to just spring this whole thing on you in case you weren’t up for it. We thought maybe you might need to come round to the idea slowly.’
Felicity and Andrea were still moving as they talked.
They arrived at Marmaduke’s pen and Felicity picked the elderly ginger tom up and cuddled him to her chest. He instantly began purring like a freight train and she found herself wondering if James would tolerate just one more addition to their little cat collection at home.
She looked up at Andrea. ‘And what’s the idea exactly? You know, the one you’ve all been talking about without me even though it massively involves me.’
Andrea looked abashed. A rare moment for her. ‘That we all move to Guernsey. Me, you, your father, James, and the animals. There, I said it.’
‘Not, all moving in together, surely? Like some pseudo-family? Cos that’s just weird.’
‘God, no. Nothing like that. Harry and I, we’ll move into the donkey place or whatever, and you and James… you can find somewhere to suit you. James works from home so he can work from anywhere anyway, and you can be my official donkey carer.’
Felicity’s heart started to beat faster, but she wasn’t sure if it was with excitement, fear or fury. ‘I don’t know any more about caring for donkeys than you do.’
Andrea, on the other hand, was pure excitement. ‘I’ve already looked it up, there’s a donkey welfare course we can do and everything. And Valerie’s happy to stick around and volunteer for a bit. She can teach us. She just can’t cope with the place anymore, wants a bungalow by the sea.’
‘You really have got it all figured out.’
‘Well, not everything. We still need to work out what to do with our animals here. We’ll need a rehoming drive I think, try and rehome as many as we can and then take the rest with us.’
There it was.
‘So you’re definitely closing this place down then.’
‘Harry gave me the choice. He’s happy to sell Valerie’s place and give me the money from that sale to pay for this place… but now I keep thinking about being with donkeys. By the sea. It’s got under my skin.’
‘Guernsey tends to do that. Which you’d know if you’d actually been. Don’t you think this is all a bit rash?’
Andrea’s eyes flashed with excitement. ‘That’s what makes it so exhilarating. I’m getting older and it’s about time I had an adventure. It’s got sea, sun, cliff walks, great food, and lots of animals to rescue. What more could I want?’
‘But what if you hate it there? Not everyone likes island life.’
Andrea had the grace to look as if she was seriously considering this perspective.
‘But what if I love it there?’
‘Fair point.’ Felicity sighed. She knew Andrea well enough to know there wasn’t going to be any changing her mind now.
And especially not when she saw the island for herself.
As much as Felicity hated to admit it, as much as she wanted to be mad with them all right now, deep down in her heart, or maybe even further, perhaps in the pit of her stomach, there was a kernel of excitement she just couldn’t ignore.
Could they really do this? And how could she arrange to take Sophie and Tristan with her?