Chapter 16
Sophia
I grab my bag and swing it over my shoulder, ready to head down to breakfast and start my day when there's a knock at my bedroom door.
I swing it open, surprised to find Lucas on the other side with a laden tray of breakfast food.
I frown. "How did you get through the front door?"
"Charlotte let me in. There were several threats involved," he responds.
"Mmm, she's a good friend."
"Can I come in?" he asks. "I brought a peace offering."
I raise an eyebrow. "I'm not sure breakfast is a peace offering for spying on me," I respond.
"But okay." I open the door properly and gesture for him to come inside.
I'm not sure where he's going with this, or what any of it is going to mean, but I'm willing to hear him out, especially after last night. He brought me back here when I asked.
"How are you feeling?" he asks as he sets the tray down on my desk and hands me a mug of steaming green tea.
"Do you mean with the hangover, or what happened last night?" I ask.
"Both?"
I shrug. "The hangover is pretty nonexistent, I wasn't lying when I said I didn't drink much last night. As for the rest? I guess I feel okay. Nothing really happened that wasn't stopped when Drake showed up."
"Thankfully."
"Yes." I gesture to the bed, wishing there could be somewhere else to sit in my room so we don't have to be this close to one another. It's hard to think when he's so near, especially when the memories of just how close we've been here are at the front of my mind.
He brings the breakfast food tray and sets it down between us. I'm not sure whether it's because he doesn't want it to go to waste, or if it's to put a barrier neither of us can cross. I suppose it doesn't matter, both are welcome.
He sits down on the other side of it.
"Last night made it clear to me that I need to give you a proper apology," he says, wrapping his hands around his own mug and blowing across the top of it. "I mean rather than just leaving things as they were. If you don't want to hear it, then that's okay, I understand."
"I'm willing to listen," I say slowly. I'm not sure if that's the right choice, but it's the one I'm making regardless of that.
Despite everything that's happened, I can still feel the pull towards him that comes from the mate bond, it's not gone away because I discovered everything.
Which I suppose makes sense, because fate or compatibility, or whatever it is that governs who reacts to who, already knew the situation when we met.
Besides, I have questions that I want answers to, even if I'm not sure I'm going to like them.
"I'm sorry," he says.
"You've said that. Several times."
"I can't say it enough."
I sigh. "It doesn't matter how many times you say the words. I have no idea if you truly believe them," I point out. "I need you to explain, not to offer me empty words you think I want to hear."
He takes a shaky breath. "You're right."
I pick up one of the croissants from the tray and start tearing it apart. It won't be as good as the ones I can get at home, but they're still tasty. The academy doesn't skimp on the food they give us, all of it is good quality.
"There wasn't really a choice when my family was approached," he admits.
"I guess I could have said no, but the options were to keep an eye on you and your brother, or not be able to get an education at all.
My parents wouldn't allow me to apply for the student loans I'd have needed to go to a regular university, and Dad was adamant that I wasn't going to get a normal job.
His face when I suggested it was priceless.
I never want to see him that angry ever again. "
I grimace. "That doesn't sound very nice."
"It wasn't great," he admits. "And I know that agreeing to spy on you also wasn't great. I didn't like the idea from the start, but I thought it wouldn't be that bad. I didn't expect...you."
"I got that," I respond. "I think the part that's tripping me up is that you made this big point of respecting me and making sure you didn't cross any lines, which I liked, but then the entire time you had this huge secret that changed everything.
I don't even know how to deal with that.
" A lump forms in my throat at the words.
Lucas glances down at the tray between us. "I know. And I'm..."
"Sorry. Yes, I know."
He sighs and rubs his hand over his face.
"I wasn't thinking. After the first party, everyone started putting pressure on me to make sure I always knew when you were going to do something like that.
But there wasn't any way for me to do that.
I could have guessed based on when the parties were, but that's not very accurate. "
He has a point. There are so many of them that I haven't been to all of them since I arrived at Rosewood. Nor would I want to. And that's not to mention all of the other social activities I've taken part in, or could take part in, since I got here.
"I foolishly thought I'd be able to ask you on a date as an excuse to get to know you. I didn't think I'd like you as much as I did."
"The mate bond..."
He sighs. "I thought I'd be able to ignore it and could then suggest that we stay friends. Then I'd be able to attend the parties with you, but it wouldn't be the same betrayal."
"That wasn't what happened." I get what he's saying. I'm not sure I'd have been happy just being friends after the way our crazy golf date made me feel.
"No. It's not even the mate bond, I'm sure I could ignore that if I tried. But you were so...you."
"Vague," I mutter.
"It's everything. You're a princess, but you're not egocentric, most of the time anyway.
And you know how to laugh at yourself, and you have a beautiful laugh.
When you smile, it feels like the world brightens, and every time that happens it's been like there are spikes through my heart knowing that I've been betraying you. "
"Mmhmm." I'm not really sure how to respond to that, especially when he's not wrong about the last part.
"I spoke to Franz in the morning and told him I wouldn't be informing on you any more, but that I would always do my best to keep you safe when I was with you.
He hasn't told your parents yet, I don't think.
But he keeps trying to get me to change my mind.
Probably not as much as he should. I think he's a big romantic at heart. "
I raise an eyebrow. "Franz? As in, big burly Franz who follows me around and can shut down a threat with his eyes?"
Lucas gives a wry laugh. "That's the one."
"Huh. Interesting."
"You overheard one of our conversations where he was trying to convince me to do what I'd promised. Every time that fails, he tries to get me to agree to spy on your brother instead, but I didn't think that would be a good idea."
"No, it wouldn't be," I agree. "So, what about last night?"
"What about it?"
"Why were you there? Were you following me?"
To my surprise, he laughs sharply. "I do have friends here. I was with them. I had no idea you were at the party until I went to get a drink and saw you there."
"Oh." It's an odd feeling to find out I'm not the reason Lucas was at the party. I'm not sure I like it. I suppose he could be lying to me, but I don't think so.
I realise I'm tugging the croissant in my hands to pieces and making crumbs everywhere. I set it back on the tray and take a deep breath.
"Thank you for telling me."
He smiles sadly. "Thank you for allowing me to set the record straight." It seems as if he wants to say more, but either thinks better of it, or decides whatever it is he has to say isn't going to be well received.
I feel the same way. I'm not ready to fully forgive him, but just the way he's talking to me about it has done a lot to soothe the anger.
My gaze flickers to his lips, but I drag it away.
I'm not going to go there. He still betrayed my trust. He's still kept things from me.
I understand that he did it for the good of his family, and that he stopped when it became a conflict of interest, but that doesn't completely excuse or erase anything.
Lucas gets to his feet and offers me a genuine smile. "Thank you for listening. I'll leave you to your breakfast."
"Thank you for bringing it. And for telling me all of this," I respond. "I appreciate your honesty." Even if it is too late.
He opens the door, but stops and turns back to me. One look at his face is all I need to know he wants to say something else, and I can guess what it's going to be.
"Don't. Please." I don't think I can bear him saying that we could go on another date, or that he's still feeling the mate bond between us. I don't want to crumble in my resolve.
He smiles sadly and disappears back out into the hall.
I close my eyes and let out a big breath, letting go of all my pent-up nerves in the process.
I'm amazed I managed to get through that without saying something stupid.
I know I should still be angry with him, and feel as if I shouldn't even be thinking of forgiving him so soon, but a big part of me is already willing to.
I just hope that doesn't make me a fool.