Leviathan
Hidden Grove was still in the early morning light of winter.
Standing at my window, I stared out at it while sipping a cup of coffee.
Heavy frost lay on the bare limbs of the trees outside, as well as on the roofs of the surrounding cabins.
My skin tingled with longing to go back to my wolf form.
Over the past few years, I’d begun spending even more time as my wolf than I had in the last century.
It helped prolong my life, but it also separated me from the people of my pack in a way I couldn’t quite articulate.
Remaining in wolf form for so long wasn’t natural.
It made me more temperamental, less willing to mingle and interact with my makeshift pack.
Deep down, I knew it wasn’t healthy, but it had become an addiction.
Each day that went by pushed me further.
Each year that she didn’t return to me made it harder to keep going.
A knock sounded at the door. Turning, I growled low in my chest. Who the hell would be here this early? The sun wasn’t even fully up yet. Setting the cup down, I headed to the door and opened it. Rainier stood on the porch.
My beta was one of the few other males in the pack, my right hand, and the one who managed things when I was off running in the woods, coasting through history in hopes of finding the one thing I’d lost all those years ago.
I’d found him in the forest nearly ten years ago after a small pack to the north, that had in recent years been absorbed into the Black Creek pack, had rejected him.
He’d been trying to cut across the forest to reach the south.
His original plan was to keep going until he hit Mexico and restart his life as far from home as possible.
I’d talked him into staying and helping me with Hidden Grove.
From the moment I met him, he’d become one of my best people, and my best—and only—friend.
He never let me get away with shit. Rainier was the only person I allowed to push back on anything I did or said.
He understood life better than I did at this point, and as annoying as he could be, I trusted his opinion.
“What?”
He grimaced and stepped inside, ignoring me.
A fresh gust of frosty wind slipped in, and I slammed the door before the cabin grew too chilled.
Without a word, he strode to the small kitchen, leaving his thick leather coat on, and poured himself a cup of coffee.
Hidden Grove wasn’t quite what I’d call a modern town.
In fact, it was closer to the way things had been when I was a kid over a hundred years ago.
It was a reminder of a simpler time and exactly how I liked it.
The smattering of houses up here were all simple log cabins, but I had acquiesced to the members and had worked with Rainier to run hidden power lines up to our little enclave.
We had electricity and indoor plumbing, though I’d argued that was more a want than a need.
My mainly female pack had argued the opposite.
Still, it felt strange to be standing here, in an insulated cabin, with electric lights overhead, watching my friend drink coffee made from water that came from an indoor kitchen faucet.
Things kept moving while I stayed basically the same.
“What?” I repeated.
Rainier glanced around, frowning. “You got any sugar or cream?”
“What kind of pansy do I look like? Of course not. Now, are you going to tell me why you’re here so early? Or do I need to kick your ass out?”
Rainier took another drink and winced. “We need to talk. You said we’d discuss it a month ago, and you’ve been off running the forests since then. I figured I’d catch you here before you slip out on four legs to chase deer or whatever the fuck it is you do out there.”
My hackles went up, and I had to suppress another growl of impatience. Yes, I knew what he was here for. And I didn’t want to have this discussion.
“This can wait,” I said. “I’ve got stuff to do today. We can do this another time.”
Rainier glared at me, his face almost completely obscured by his bushy black beard and long hair.
He was built like a fireplug with thick muscle and heavy-knuckled hands.
If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was some hulking, savage Viking.
In reality, he was kind, quiet, well read, and patient to a fault.
The exact person who should be in charge of Hidden Grove.
I’d told him that one, but he’d waved the idea off immediately.
“For one, I’m not an alpha. Also, I’m not the reason everyone is here. I’m not the one who saved these people and gave them a home. If I was in charge, the place would fall apart in a couple months,” he’d said when I’d brought it up one day.
Now, instead of giving me that professorial look he tended to use, he gave me a stern glare. “It’s getting worse.”
I didn’t have to ask what he meant.
“Yes, well, my attitude is none of your concern, nor is it the concern of anyone else,” I grumbled, walking over to retrieve my own cup of coffee.
Rainier sighed heavily and shook his head.
“My man, you can’t live eighty percent of your life as your wolf and not expect your mental health to stay in tact.
It goes both ways. If you never shifted, you know how antsy and anxious you’d be.
And if you always shift, you get temperamental and pissy. People are starting to notice.”
“No one notices,” I argued, staring out the window.
“Everyone notices.” He joined me at the window and gestured at the world outside.
“You aren’t in a great state, Levi. You’re not very compassionate when it comes to issues, you’re always gone when people need your advice, and the ladies have been talking about how sullen and pissed off you’ve been.
It’s time we talk about you taking a mate. ”
The word slammed into me, almost making me flinch. Rather than an angry outburst, I gave a low sigh and drank my coffee.
“This village or whatever you want to call it, is over ninety percent women. If you want to keep it together and not have it scatter to the wind, you need a female mate to help you lead it. Normal packs work that way, and those are close to a fifty-fifty split. The fact this place has lasted as long as it has without it is a fucking miracle.”
I nodded slowly, thinking I had an idea what had initiated this little visit.
“Is Eugenia causing trouble?” I asked, giving Rainier a sidelong glance.
He smiled bitterly. “Sweet, lovely, Eugenia? You must be joking,” he said, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Eugenia Compton was a rejected woman from the Black Creek pack.
A little over five years ago, I’d discovered her wandering in the woods, alone and emotionally devastated.
I’d brought her to Hidden Grove to give her a place to call home, and a pack to belong to.
Within six months, she’d attempted to latch on to me in a romantic way.
I’d rebuffed her advances, but she’d always had an eye on making me hers.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it about one of my pack members, Eugenia was a mean girl.
She used her force of a personality to bully the other women into line and surrounded herself with sycophants who followed her every word.
Nothing was ever bad enough that Rainier and I had to step in, and Eugenia was just smart enough to do exactly enough to maintain her control but stay low enough on the radar not to get kicked out.
If I did that without sufficient cause, it would create some major blowback and splinter the pack.
I couldn’t allow that. No matter the cost.
“So, that’s a yes?” I said, shooting him a loaded glance.
“You know it’s a yes,” he said, chuckling ruefully.
“Levi, if you don’t choose a mate to help you lead, I’m pretty sure Eugenia is gonna force the issue.
She’s always wanted to be your… queen, for want of a better word, and with everyone starting to talk about how you’re acting, it’s only a matter of time before she pushes for it. ”
Anger swelled within me, and I turned on my friend and beta. “I am the alpha. This pack is under my protection and control. No one forces me to do anything.”
Rainier looked back at me, eyes level with mine, not at all cowed by my outburst. “And if saying no means the pack shatters and blows to the wind? What then?”
His statement hung heavily between us. If that happened, everyone I’d brought here would be without a pack. They’d have no structure, no place to call home. They’d all end up feral or dead. Every person here was an outcast, a rejected mate turned out from their packs with nowhere else to go.
The same would happen to me too. Part of why I’d created this place was to help people in need, but I’d also done it to help me. Without a pack, I’d have turned into some savage animal a long time ago.
“Look, Levi,” Rainier said, lowering his voice, a look of concern on his face.
“We’re friends, so I think I can say this.
I know you’re waiting for Naphele. I freaking get it.
I seriously do. But the thing about reincarnation is that it doesn’t always work the way we want it to.
You’ve got to live now. Some shit just isn’t within our control—not even the great Leviathan Cross’s. ”
Hearing him say her name almost made me lash out, but I managed to control myself.
My wolf really was making me more irritable, and it took all my force of will not to respond.
Naphele, the love of my life. I fully believed she would return to me.
Shifters were raised to believe in reincarnation.
Throughout the ages, we were told stories of alphas who’d returned in new bodies with vague memories of past lives, of women who recalled dying in childbirth, and young children who recited facts they could have no knowledge or memory of.
When Naphele died, I dedicated my life to awaiting her return in a new body.
Her soul clad in a fresh host. It was why I spent so much time as my wolf.
It slowed my age as I waited and searched for her.
If I did as Rainier suggested and lived in my human form, allowed myself to age like normal, I might be seventy or eighty before she graced the earth again, or I might die first, then our souls would end up in some awful opposing cycle of life and death, never to be reunited.
Of all the spiritual beliefs of shifters, it was the one I clung to the most. For social and political reasons, I needed to take a mate. But my emotional imperative to keep searching for Naphele caused a war in my mind and my soul. How did I choose? How could I choose?
“I need to go,” I said.
“We aren’t done talking about this, Levi,” Rainier said, but there was a hint of defeat in his voice. He could argue all he wanted, but I was still the alpha.
“We are for now.” I pointed at the sky through the window.
Heavy dark clouds swirled, threatening snow.
“There’s a storm coming, and the Idlewild pack’s arrangement ceremony was last night.
I need to head into the woods. See if there are any desperate wolves running from their fate, or any who have been rejected and are terrified.
Unless,” I added bitterly, “you think that isn’t important work. ”
“I never said that,” Rainier said, sounding hurt.
Hot, acrid shame surged through me. I’d lashed out on purpose to hurt him and make him feel like an ass, all because he brought up important questions I needed to answer before it was too late.
As I opened the door, my shoulders sagged. “I’ll think about it, all right? Can you give me a few weeks? Giving up on finding the person you love is not an easy thing, you know. Can you see what I’m saying?”
He nodded, a sad smile on his face. “Yeah. I get it. Take some time, but you do need to make a decision soon. Some things are bigger than you, friend.”
Without another word, I turned and sprinted off my porch, sucking in a great lungful of icy cold air as I leaped into the air.
Before I landed, I’d shifted into my wolf form, the change akin to coming home and slipping into a comfortable pair of shoes.
My thick fur dulled the cold. Like this, I could let my wolf take charge while I thought about what Rainier said.
Could I forsake finding Naphele again for the health of my pack?