13. Juniper
JUNIPER
After my disastrous training session with Levi, I spent the whole night trying to talk myself out of simply trudging back to Idlewild. Perhaps it was hopeless, and my time would be better spent saying goodbye to my grandparents and waiting for Anders to exile me.
Thankfully, I didn’t jump off that mental cliff, and the next morning, I woke ready to face the day.
After breakfast, I headed straight to Levi’s cabin to try again.
My newfound fervor faded quickly, though.
That day was no better than the first, and neither was the next.
Nothing was working. To his credit, Levi was pulling out every tactic he had: meditation, yoga, and even something he called adrenal fatigue, which had me jumping into the nearly frozen lake to send a surge of endorphins through my body.
All that led to was me shivering and covered in a blanket beside a fire he’d built.
It was during those minutes of freezing cold that he broached the topic that was eating at both of us.
“Maybe we need to take a break from trying to get you to shift,” he said.
As much as I wanted to disagree, I found myself nodding. “Y-yeah,” I said, my teeth chattering as I pulled the blanket tighter around me. “M-m-maybe.”
Levi tossed more wood on the fire, and the heat radiated through me. It reminded me of that morning in the cave. At least this time I wasn’t on the brink of dying, even though I was still cold. Thankfully, the temperature was in the low forties rather than below freezing.
“You said there were other things you wanted to learn,” Levi said, settling on a rock. “What else can we do? If we work on that stuff, it may help your mind to relax, which could then lead to us making some headway with your shifting.”
The first thing that sprang to my mind sent a flush of heat across my cheeks that had nothing to do with the fire.
“Uhm, confidence,” I said hesitantly, “but in a, uh, more intimate way. You know?”
If Levi did know what I meant, his face didn’t show it. He looked at me with a perfectly blank expression.
Swallowing hard, I went on. “I’ve never been, what you’d call, good with men. The whole flirting, seduction, and sexy stuff. Most guys looked past me since I couldn’t shift and I’m half human. It didn’t give me a lot of opportunity to learn.”
Once the words were out, I had to fight the urge to bury my face in the blanket. Thankfully, Levi didn’t laugh. All he did was sit back, tilting his face to the sky.
“Seduction?” he said. “You want to know how to seduce this Anders guy?”
It sounded so stupid when he said it like that, but it was true.
Simply being able to shift might not be enough for Anders to take me as his mate.
The man had always dated sexy, flirtatious girls.
Hell, he’d had a relationship with a shifter model from Minneapolis.
The only reason they’d broken up was because she’d gotten a job offer in New York.
From what I knew of Anders, I’d have to seduce him to get him to see me as both a full shifter and a sexual being.
“Basically? Yeah. I’m positive our relationship can grow. We can both learn to want each other, but I have to get him to open up to that idea first, and this is the best way I know how. It won’t matter if I can shift when I’m still awkward around a guy like Anders.”
Levi nodded slowly. There was a flash of understanding in his eyes, then he gave me a knowing smile. The intensity of it nearly took my breath away.
“If we do this, you should know that it might get intimate. Are you okay with that? This isn’t really something you can learn in a half-assed way. I’m not a piece of shit, and I won’t do anything without your consent.”
I realized what I’d asked for, and what he was saying. He was right. How did you learn to seduce someone, to be a sexual being without intimacy? I hadn’t truly thought this over. The implications, the actual act of learning this stuff. All I’d thought about was becoming better.
My eyes slipped from Levi’s down his body, then back up, stopping at his powerful hands and forearms, the muscular bulge of his biceps. I wondered what he would look like naked, and a surprising sense of warmth flashed between my legs.
Startled, I nodded quickly, my mouth going dry. “I get that,” I said, my voice betraying my anxiety. “It’s okay. I…uh…understand. It’s something I’m prepared for.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Levi said, leaning forward. “I said I need consent. You want to learn, and I’m willing to teach, but I need to know what you’re prepared for.”
My breath hitched, and suddenly, I didn’t feel the cold anymore.
No, heat was coursing through my entire body.
All thoughts of Anders and keeping my place in the pack vanished.
All I could do was think of the times Levi had touched me while training, and how it would feel to be touched in other, more intimate ways.
How much would he teach me? How much would he show me?
My curiosity and desire pushed away all hesitation.
“Whatever you want to show me,” I whispered, “I consent…to anything.”
His eyes remained locked on mine. I desperately wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.
He nodded, a faint smile on his lips. “Understood. Come on. Let’s head back. You’ll want to dry off and change into some warm clothes. Come to my cabin tonight, and we can get started on learning new things.”
I stood, moving almost robotically as I came to terms with what I’d agreed to.
I’d never been with a man the way Levi was alluding to.
Hell, this guy was my first—and so far only—kiss.
I’d gone on dates, of course, but it had never turned physical.
Not even so much as a peck on the lips. It was part of why I wanted—no, needed—Levi’s tutelage, but that didn’t make it any more terrifying.
Terrifying, but if I was honest with myself, exciting as well.
He dropped me off at my cabin, and I barely remembered his departing goodbyes. My head was spinning, my stomach somersaulting. After getting out of the steaming hot shower, I dressed, then found Linnea in a small common space, sitting beside the fire and reading a book.
She frowned when she saw me. “You look like you saw a ghost, girl. What’s wrong?”
Shaking my head, I said, “Nothing. Things, er, didn’t go well today. The training, I mean.”
Most of the pack had learned of my lessons with Levi, and why I was doing them. She nodded and smiled knowingly.
“You’ll get it,” she said. “Levi is a strong alpha. He’s a little distant at times, but always kind. He helps anyone who needs it. That’s part of what makes him such a good leader. Levi will be a great teacher. Very intense, but I bet he’ll show you what you need to know.”
Yeah, I bet he will.
I blushed. “I need to go grab something for lunch.”
The rest of the day went by at an agonizingly slow creep.
Each minute turned into an hour; each hour felt like an entire day.
As much as I tried not to think about what might or might not happen at Levi’s cabin, my mind continued to swing back to it during my daily chores.
When the sun finally set, and I made my way toward Levi’s place, my hands shook with nerves, and my stomach roiled.
He opened the door. Simply seeing him nearly made my knees go weak.
“Hey, there,” he said, gesturing for me to step inside.
“Hi.”
I stepped in, my instincts screaming at me to jump out the nearest window, tuck and roll, and sprint away. Instead, I took off my coat and draped it over the back of the couch.
Levi closed the door and went to the kitchen. He was dressed in a white T-shirt and blue jeans that fit him really well. God, he looked good in them.
“I thought this might help your nerves,” he said, handing me a glass of wine. “Maybe, a glass will—”
I yanked it from his hand and gulped it all down, then shoved the empty glass back at him. “One more, please.”
He blinked in surprise. “Uh, maybe it would be better if we approached this without getting totally drunk.”
“Another glass,” I repeated. “Please.”
“Got it,” he said, filling the glass.
I didn’t chug it. The first was for my panic; this would be for my nerves.
“Would you like to have a seat?” Levi said, gesturing at the couch.
“Sure,” I said.
He sat beside me, close enough that his leg brushed mine.
“How about you start,” Levi said, then took a sip of his wine. “I need to see what I’m working with here.”
I choked on the sip I’d taken, and I only barely managed to swallow it without coughing up a lung.
“What?” I gaped at him.
He stared back, face unreadable. “You heard me. If you were going to seduce me, what would you do?” His voice dropped an octave. “Show me.”
Oh, holy fuck. This is really happening.
“Okay,” I said, setting my glass aside and turning on what little charm I had.
Throwing caution to the wind, I shoved all my fears and anxieties aside. I leaned across Levi, putting my face a few inches from his, and drew a finger down his chest, my heart slamming against my ribs.
“Uh, hey…uh, hot stuff, how are you tonight?”
Levi cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
My shoulders fell. “Not good?”
“It was,” he said, wincing apologetically, “not great.”
Shit. Maybe this was all a mistake. I was hopeless at everything, apparently.
Levi touched my arm. “It’s all right. I think we can work with this,” he said, letting his fingers trail up my bicep.
An uncontrollable shiver went through me at the touch. I tore my eyes from his and looked at his fingertips gliding across my skin.
“Question,” Levi said, and I glanced up at him. “You don’t have to answer if you aren’t ready.”
The wine had kicked in, easing my nerves a bit. “It’s fine. Ask away,” I said, trying to calm myself, and let this happen.
“Have you ever had an orgasm?”
“Excuse me?” I yelped.
If my reaction surprised Levi, he didn’t show it. “You heard me.”
I’d known we’d be getting into things like this—flirtation, sex, pleasure, and seduction—yet the question caught me completely off guard. Was it really that obvious?