12. Leviathan
LEVIATHAN
I’d barely slept all night. After Juniper had left so abruptly, I’d stewed for hours, wondering if I’d done or said something wrong. I’d tossed and turned in my bed until the sun brightened my bedroom.
At her knock, I opened the door, my gaze tracking over her. She was dressed in a simple button-up blouse and linen pants, which Linnea must have given her the day before.
“Sorry I left in such a rush last night,” she said sheepishly. “Uh, I was…really tired and afraid I’d pass out or something. Again, sorry.”
I didn’t exactly buy that story, but it was better than thinking I’d done something inappropriate. Grinning, I shrugged it off.
“No problem. I get it. Let’s go do this,” I said, waving for her to follow me.
The morning was already warming, indicating that the day would be less frigid than the last. The sun had already begun melting the snow from the day before. I led her to a clearing a few hundred yards from the cabin, far away from any prying eyes of the village.
“What do I need to do first?” she asked.
“First thing’s first, you need to approach this with confidence. Push into the shift, rather than waiting for it to come to you,” I explained.
Naphele had been fierce and confident. It was one of the defining characteristics I’d loved about her. June would probably be the same once she grew comfortable.
She frowned and bit her lip. “Uh, okay.”
“Watch me.” Before she could respond, I shifted, seamlessly morphing into my wolf form.
Sitting back on my haunches, I looked at her, my eyes boring into hers, doing the best I could to try and pull a flicker of Naphele through.
All I wanted was to see that spark of her.
Though, if June’s answers to my questions last night were any indication, she was deep inside—if she was there at all.
Naphele had loved music and had been a beautiful singer.
She’d also played the piano and guitar. Her favorite color had been the light green of fresh pine needles.
None of June’s responses had been close.
It was a little disheartening, but I still had faith.
“That wasn’t very instructive,” June said. “I’ve lived with shifters my whole life.”
Quickly shifting, I stood and gave her a wry smile. “True. I was hoping it might come easier out here away from home and friends. Let’s go for a run. Maybe that will calm your mind.”
“If you say so.”
She jogged alongside me as we headed deeper into the forest.
“Try to calm your mind,” I said as we went. “Forget about anything and everything. Focus on being a wolf.”
June panted as she ran, while I transitioned back and forth from wolf to man multiple times, hoping my aura might stoke something within her.
We’d jogged nearly three miles by the time she stopped and put her hands on her thighs to catch her breath. “I’m trying. I really am.”
“It’s all right,” I said, though frustration surged through me. My best bet at drawing out those deep parts of Naphele was to connect June to her wolf.
“Let’s sit here and do some breathing exercises. Sometimes that helps younger shifters make contact.” I settled on the forest floor and crossed my legs.
“That sounds good,” June said, looking relieved to not have to run anymore.
For the next hour, I led her through the breathing exercises.
Deep, slow inhales, followed by forceful quick exhales.
Indigenous people used this type of breathing to induce visions and psychedelic experiences, and at times it could cause involuntary shifts for shifters. I hoped it would work for June.
Finally, after an intense five-minute session, she toppled over, falling flat on her back on the pine needles that littered the forest floor.
“Holy shit.” She gasped, eyes open and slightly glazed. “I think I’m gonna pass out.”
I hurried over to her and cradled her head gently. “You’re okay. It’s self-induced hyperventilation. Slow your breathing down.”
“My fingers are tingling,” she said, gaping at me in fear.
“That’s because of the breathwork. You’ll be fine,” I said, trying to assure her. “Do you sense your wolf at all?” I asked, my words coming out a bit more tense than I’d have liked.
June sat up. “No,” she said miserably.
I gritted my teeth, the frustration really getting to me now. “It’s fine.”
June must have noticed my disappointment. Her face fell. “I’m sorry. I’m trying. I really am. I promise.”
“You probably need some lunch. We’ve been out here a while. Let’s head back and get you fed. We can work on this more later,” I said, helping her to her feet.
As we walked back in silence, I tried to think of other ways to coax her wolf out.
It ate at me that I hadn’t been able to bring out that part of her.
Was I not strong enough or smart enough to figure it out?
Shame coated my soul the more I thought of it.
I’d begun to look at June as nothing more than a means to an end.
I couldn’t discount who she was, even if Naphele’s soul was deep within her and ready to come out.
Even if that happened, she would still be June.
That was part of the equation I hadn’t really dug into over the last century, but now it appeared to be the biggest issue.
Not only did I have to bring out Naphele, but I also had to get June to fall for me too.
That would be difficult. I hadn’t wooed a woman in over a century.
When the village came into view, I finally shook off the inner thoughts and came back to myself. Only then did I look at June. Her face was crumpled with sadness and disappointment. Shit. I hadn’t spoken a word to her the whole way back. She probably thought I was upset with how things had gone.
“I’ll see you later,” June mumbled, not meeting my eye and hurrying away.
“Wait!” I called.
She froze, turning on the spot and managing to meet my eyes. “What?”
The misery in her voice tugged at my heart and made me feel like shit.
“Uh…you did a great job today. We’re only getting started. I didn’t think it would happen the first day,” I said.
June wasn’t buying it. She sighed heavily and nodded once. “Yeah. Sure.”
With that, she stomped away. As I watched her go, I couldn’t help but notice the defeated slump of her shoulders.
Fuck. That could have gone better.