85. Leviathan
LEVIATHAN
Istared at June, praying that she would see the logic.
Her face was a mask of emotion, almost like she was having an argument with herself.
The thought of her getting hurt or being in danger was too much for me.
I couldn’t let her go out onto the battlefield.
Finally, she looked up at me, a sad weariness in her eyes.
“I should be more like Naphele,” she said, almost whispering the words.
That name again. Why did it seem like every single time it was spoken, it was in a moment like this?
“That’s not true,” I said. “You’re special in your own right. You’re who I want to be with. That’s why I don’t want you going into battle. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. You’ve never fought in your wolf form; you have no training in that aspect. You don’t—”
“I get it. I understand. You’re right, but it’s just that…” She shrugged, looking forlorn and heartbroken. “I wanted to help.”
“That’s what you are doing,” I said. “These people need a person who knows where they are going and can get them there safely. I trust you to do that, and it will keep you out of danger.”
She still looked like she was hurt, but I couldn’t tell if she was beating herself up or if she was mad at me for sending her away.
“Will you do it? Will you lead them to safety?” It was the only thing I could ask. I didn’t have the heart to ask anything deeper for fear of what she might say.
“I’ll do it,” she murmured.
We stood like that for a few seconds, an awkward silence building between us. I didn’t know how to make it better, and I didn’t have time to do that. My stomach sank with each moment that went by.
“I’ve got to go,” I said, the words coming out in a miserable tone that I’d never heard come from my mouth before.
“Okay. Be careful,” she said, her eyes still distant. I couldn’t help but think she was mentally comparing herself to Naphele again, and that thought made my stomach twist into knots.
Stepping forward, I took her hand, desperate for a moment of connection before I headed out the door for war.
June kissed me, but it was chaste and simple.
A perfunctory gesture, rather than one of love and intimacy.
Her mind was too wrapped up in everything she couldn’t do.
Based on her reaction, I couldn’t help but think that she believed she was letting us down somehow.
It was almost like she was pulling away from me.
Not because I had done something, but because she didn’t feel like she was living up to some arbitrary standard she’d set for herself or thought I had.
It tore at me, but I couldn’t think of how to show her that she was enough and always would be.
Icy fingers clenched deep in my stomach as I released her hand and walked to the door.
I opened it and glanced back, but June wasn’t looking at me, she was staring at the floor with a sullen and angry look on her face.
Hanging my head, I closed the door behind me.
“Is everything okay?” Rainier asked.
Ignoring that, I addressed the other alphas. “Is everyone ready?”
They all nodded. Hakeem gestured to the group behind them. “All set. We gonna go kick some ass or what?”
Nodding grimly, I clenched my jaw, the muscles in my neck flexing.
“Yes, we are,” I growled.