Chapter 27 #2
I gazed down at her, willing my sincerity to break through whatever panic she’d worked herself into.
I ran the backs of my fingers down the side of her face, the little sigh she made feeding my needy soul.
“Please believe me when I say that no harm will come to you, nor to them. This is not your fault. And Father Morton may have been well intentioned, but he went about many things in a way that actually did you harm, and I will not forgive him for that.” Phin only stared at me.
My heart was racing, her lavender-and-parchment scent in my nose and her warmth pressed up against me.
“I will never forgive myself for the same reason.” She rested her face against my chest, and I bent to kiss her forehead before I could stop myself.
Her skin was fevered, a match to the burn in my chest.
“I don’t understand, Tap.”
“I know, Feather. But I promise to explain.” After a long moment I straightened, indulging in a chance to lean my cheek against the top of her head.
“Come. Rest yourself.” I pulled out a chair and slid her into it, then poured her a hot cup of tea.
Her hands trembled as she lifted it to her mouth, and my gut rolled again as I reached out to help her. “Are you truly that scared?”
Her lips thinned, and I could see the moment she decided not to deny it. “Yes.” Her eyes flickered to mine, then dropped back to the table. “I know what they want me for. I know they will hurt others to get it. I’m sorry.”
I hated that she was apologizing for this, for anything.
“They won’t get near you.” A growl edged my words again, and I saw her blink in surprise.
“Please don’t apologize. I knew the risks when I suggested you come to stay here.
I do not regret anything about that. Nothing.
Understand?” I did not look away until she nodded in agreement, but I could see the question plainly on her face.
I knew the conversation was coming, whether I was prepared for it or not. “Good.”
“But—”
“I don’t regret what happened last night, Phin. I swear it.”
She rubbed at her forehead. “But you said you wanted to break the bond.”
“Not because I don’t want to be mated to you, Phin.”
“Then why?” The tears in her eyes made me feel like the lowest wretch to ever crawl out of the pits.
“Because I was panicking. I wanted to undo a mistake—”
“So you think what we did was a mistake?” Her voice rose sharply, the pain in it cutting straight through to my bones.
“No.” I shook my head firmly. “No.”
“Then what? I trusted you. I trusted myself. And now I don’t have the slightest clue what’s real and what’s not. Everything feels … too big.” She gestured vaguely, and then curled in on herself as though trying to contain it.
I took her hand between both of mine. “This is real. Everything I said last night, everything you feel. All of it.” I inhaled, organizing my thoughts so as not to cause her any more stress. “My mistake was that I took the same thing from you everyone else has, Feather. Your choice.”
She frowned. “No, you didn’t. I participated freely in what happened, Tap. I was the one who kissed you, remember? Nothing happened that I didn’t want.”
I stared into her violet eyes, willing the right words to come, hoping that I hadn’t already ruined everything. “Would you have done the same if you’d known it would tie you to me forever?” My chest ached when she didn’t respond immediately, but I tried to be patient.
Her brow furrowed, and her jaw muscles flexed.
“I wouldn’t … There’s no way I would have pushed that far if part of me hadn’t known,” she whispered, stealing my breath.
“I chose, Tap. Just because we didn’t discuss it, though we probably should have, doesn’t change that I had already thought it through.
” She glanced around the table, and I watched her wrestle with whether or not she should go right back to the frenetic sorting to push away the uncomfortable emotions.
“Alright. We can discuss it more later if you like. But for now, I think you need some rest. You don’t look well.” I pushed the plate of fruit and cheese toward her.
“I’m not hungry. But … I think I’m going to take a hot bath. Maybe I’ll try to nap.” She got to her feet and took a few steps toward the library door.
“I’ll check on you in a while?”
She hesitated in the doorway, her hand on the wood. Eventually, she nodded.
I sat there for several minutes, willing the burn in my chest to settle before collecting the tray and returning it to the kitchen.
As I rinsed out the cups, a shrieking teakettle noise went off, which was odd, because the stove wasn’t lit.
After listening for a moment, I rushed out to the living area to find it was coming from the new scrying mirror Vassago had given me.
“Are you already finished?” I could see Greta over Vassago’s shoulder, the both of them bunded up and collecting fluffy snowflakes on their clothes.
“Yes, we have everything we came for. I’ll have to come back to visit the monastery another time, it’s just too bloody cold today.” Greta stuck out her tongue to catch some flakes behind him. “Was just checking the range on your new device, see you in a moment.”
The glass went dark, and they were walking through the portal from the little village before I fully made it into the hall.
“Good trip?”
“It’s a cute place,” Greta said, handing over three wrapped bundles. “The apothecary had a ton of things I didn’t expect.”
“I felt the same way when I visited. Was the old man there today?” I led them toward the first library, where the main mirror had been returned to the wall. Vassago’s mist crept over his skin, pale gray and wispy as he worked on making the adjustments.
“Yes, the proprietor was there. Unfortunately, he’ll be taking an extended leave. His daughter will be running the shop in his absence.” His eyes connected with mine and flashed red.
I frowned. “That’s unfortunate.” Not to mention slightly suspicious.
“Indeed. But it’s in his best interest.”
I frowned. “Explain.”
Vassago smirked. “I left the priest for you to deal with. The apothecary was rather apologetic. He claimed it was a crisis of conscience that led him to tell Phin he could no longer make the tincture.”
“So there isn’t an actual issue preventing it?”
“No, there is,” Greta’s tone was sharp. “There’s an herb that’s become very difficult to find. But instead of seeking out an alternative, he’d just been using less and less of the more expensive herbs.”
“So, it was actually getting less effective?”
“Yes. And there were other modifications approved by Father Morton.” I could tell by the disgust shared between them that I wasn’t going to like whatever came next.
“Among other things, the apothecary added in hemlock, foxglove, and quieting cane as they were readily available and had similar effect as what he couldn’t source.
I don’t know what the Heavenly alternatives might have been for the original formula. ”
My blood flashed icy, then rage took over. “Aren’t those all—”
“Poison.” Greta nodded. “Damaging to mind, heart, and voice, respectively. All three are known poisons separately, but together? Even just her normal dose of a drop a day?” She clenched her jaw and her fists.
“I’m sure that’s why Ophelia destroyed the rest of it.
That alone explains her irritated throat and likely her episodes as well.
” She shook her head and stepped toward the double doors that led to the deals library. “Is Phin still in there?”
“No, she went to her room to rest. She wasn’t feeling well.”
Greta frowned. “Tell her I’m working as fast as I can. The blue elixir I sent with her should help with healing and the light green with silver shimmer may do a decent job with some of the other symptoms until I can get the new tincture made.”
“I’ll tell her. Thank you both.”
“Our pleasure. Did Seir ever come back?” Vassago asked.
“No.”
He grunted. “I’ll be trying again from d’Arcan. I’ll let you know if he’s still there. Perhaps he went straight home.”
“That’s what I assumed.”
They made their way back to the hall, Greta more and more pensive.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s fine. If she needs anything, just send for me,” she said ominously.
“I will.” I caught Vassago looking around again, face pinched as though he smelled something rotten. “Come visit any time.”
“Perhaps I will. Go wait by your mirror.”
“You are not in charge here, Vago. But thank you for bringing the flowers.”
He grinned and pulled me in for a quick embrace, and once he let go I kissed Greta’s cheek and bade them farewell once again. I’d barely gotten into the library when the mirror howled a terrifyingly human sound, and his pleased face showed through the glass.
“That’s awful. Can you change it to the teakettle sound like the other?”
“Will you hear it if I do?”
“Yes. Who in the world couldn’t hear that?”
He chuffed, highly amused. “Rylan. He never seems to hear it unless it’s the most terrible noise possible. Too many stairs and distance between rooms, or at least that’s what he claims.”
“Well, we’re not dealing with the same kind of space here, so the whistle is much preferred to the howl.”
“I’ll change it.” It was nice to see Vassago in such good humor.
We spoke through the device long enough for him to tell me that Seir was in fact still at the collegium, and that he, Rylan, Magnus, Coltor, and several other stone kin soldiers were working out a guard rotation for both the glade and Revalia, and Magnus would be sending several units through to the doors that Coltor had noted with unusual activity.
The angel sighting had put everyone on high alert, and they were wasting no time setting up some defenses just in case.
While using the mirror was a bit strange, it was nice to be able to speak to them easily if I needed to.
There was no telling what trouble might find us in the coming days, and I told them so.
Without hesitation, they informed me that the whole of the stone kin outpost, plus our family, would respond in kind should something happen.
When I finally signed off and headed toward the kitchen to assemble something substantial for us to eat, grateful if exhausted. That peace didn’t last, though.
I’d just begun peeling a potato when I heard something heavy fall, and Phin’s muffled cry.