Chapter 31 Tap
Tap
Iwoke with blankets tangled around my legs and Phin curled up in a little ball beside me, her forehead pressed against my chest. My body was loose and relaxed, the bond quiet.
Even my normally tangled thoughts were clear, orderly.
The windows were still dark, but I felt more thoroughly rested than I had in years. I hardly knew what to do with myself.
I indulged in a few more quiet moments before straightening the blankets and pulling them back over her sleeping form.
Carefully, I slipped away from her and made quick use of my bathroom before heading to the kitchen with the tray and remnants of the previous night’s snacks.
I dropped the mess off and continued to the hall, tension returning almost immediately as I opened up all the doorways.
After a quick check, I cleaned the dishes and started the kettle for tea.
As I sorted out the pot, I made a mental list of where I wanted to take Phin.
There were three doors I believed had the best potential for the rare herbs, all in far-flung realms. One in particular seemed promising both for her herbs as well as for Rylan’s poison garden, as it was uninhabited and had a very temperate climate.
It was one of the doorways I’d decommissioned ages before as well. We’d start there.
I was just returning to the hall with my tea and a quick breakfast of bread and cheese when Seir came through from the glade.
“You’re early today,” I said, offering him a cup.
“There’s a lot going on.” He was not his usual chipper self for the second day in a row. I could all but feel the tension radiating off him.
“Anything new I should know about?”
He shook his head. “Coltor is taking the first wave of stone kin through his doorways with odd magical activity today.”
“Good.” I frowned. “Does he need you there to help?”
“No, Magnus stayed to supervise. They are only checking a few at a time so that the groups going in can be larger. Anything new here? Everything okay?”
I felt like a youngling the way my skin prickled at the thought of my mate. “All is well.”
Seir brightened instantly. “Really?” He clasped his hands together in front of his chest, smile wide. “That’s wonderful news. I’m so happy for you both. See? One step at a time.”
“Yes, I suppose you were right. Are you available to monitor today? We’re going to be doing a similar journey as the stone kin, though likely only one location.”
“Of course. Which one? Just in case.”
“Florissar. It’s in the decommissioned area, light-green frame, dark-green serrated leaf at the top right and bottom left.”
“Got it. I have a request in with Keplar as well. I suspect you may need to redistribute gate-monitoring duties again soon, and Hell has the ability and manpower to cover.”
My temper flared. I knew it was irrational, that he was only trying to help and this was a logical step, but it felt like a swipe at my capabilities. “That’s not necessary.” My tone was biting, but Seir was unaffected. He even rolled his eyes at my outburst.
“I disagree. It’s something we should have looked into for you ages ago instead of believing your claims that you were fine. Because you weren’t fine.”
“I have managed perfectly well,” I argued.
“Of course you have, because you had to. But you don’t even sleep most days, brother.
That’s not fine.” He crossed his arms and sighed.
“Things are changing, Tap. Even my position has become largely obsolete. They can help. It would still be just as secure. You’d get to personally approve anyone considered for the job, if it gets to that point.
I promise.” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t make me bring Phin into this. ”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I would.” His grin was devious. “Because I can only imagine that she’ll want a mate who has time to do things with her, opportunities to be somewhere other than the great hall.”
“Seir.” I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, a headache starting behind my eyes.
“Tell me I’m wrong, Tap.”
I sighed. “You’re not. I know you’re not.” My anger fled, leaving me feeling deflated. I knew he wasn’t wrong, about any of it. The number of doorways had grown too large for even two locations to monitor. And Phin deserved more than scant scraps of my time.
“I’m so glad we agree.” He leveled a gaze at me. “It’s not admitting failure to ask for help, remember? Didn’t it bring relief when Merry took over the creatures? Doesn’t it make you feel lighter to know that Phin is sorting out the deals?”
My chin dipped toward my chest. “Yes.”
“Then spreading out the shifts for watching the doors should allow you to actually live.”
I froze, his words striking a chord deep in my chest. I’d said a similar thing to Phin, about her existence at the church. It seemed the Fates had wonderful senses of humor and loved to present their offerings in a way that left one taking a long look in the mirror.
“I hear you, Seir.”
“Good! I’ll keep you informed. Last I heard, Keplar was putting together a roster of potential candidates and possible locations for centralizing.
I suggested that instead of splitting up the doorways themselves, we manage shifts based on location time so that someone always has a chance to rest. Might even allow Coltor to trade off doing nightshift sometimes, if he wants. ”
I shoved my pride down and nodded at my brother. “That’s a reasonable idea.”
He smiled and clapped me on the shoulder. “She’s good for you.”
“In the grand scheme of things, she just got here. Maybe I’m evolving.”
Seir scoffed and snatched the remains of my breakfast directly out of my hand, finishing it in one messy bite. “I stand by what I said,” he muttered over his mouth full of bread and walked away, leaving me staring after him.
Nothing new there, at least.
Sweat prickled at my temples the moment we crossed through the doorway. Thankfully, we’d left our cloaks behind.
Phin pushed up the sleeves on her tunic as she took in the overgrown plant life that spread in every direction. “Wow.”
“You okay?”
She nodded slowly. “I’ll be fine.”
I appreciated her bravery, but I remembered all too well her reaction to seeing the plants in Merry’s greenhouse. “This way.” My hand stretched for hers, and she flushed pink as she laced her fingers with mine.
We stepped high, carefully planting our feet through the crowding of vines, clusters of flowers and tufts of grasses that covered the ground. There were very few areas of just soil visible. Here, the plants ruled.
Not far from the portal was a small lake with a rock outcropping to one side. Beyond that the land began to slope upward rather quickly, and the foliage thinned out. Our chances of finding the two herbs Greta had mentioned were better at the increased elevation.
“It’s nice here,” Phin said. “Very quiet, though. Where are all the birds?”
“There are none. The only wildlife here are some rodent-like creatures, lizards, and some bugs.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “Odd.”
I swung our linked hands up and pressed my lips to her knuckles. “There are many strange places through the doorways. They all serve their own purpose, even if that purpose is a bit mysterious.”
She smiled softly at me, and we were quiet as we passed the lake, which had become about half covered in a creeping water plant.
“Will you be able to identify what we’re looking for? I’m afraid botanicals are Rylan’s specialty, not mine.”
“Yes. The bride’s bane has small purple flowers and thin fingers on the leaves.
The shepherd’s plight looks like bolted mustard plant, but with tiny white flowers instead of yellow.
The leaves look like the serrated ones dandelions have.
” Phin suddenly stopped walking. “Did you bring gloves? We shouldn’t touch them with bare hands. ”
I patted the small satchel slung over my shoulder. “I have everything we need.”
Both of us began to sweat in earnest, the sun hot on our exposed flesh as the incline increased. As the plants began to thin, Phin’s intensity grew as she scanned for the herbs she was seeking.
“You should drink some water,” I encouraged, letting go of her hand. Condensation formed quickly on the outside of the glass bottle the moment I pulled it from my bag and offered it to her.
“Thanks.” She took a deep drink and handed it back. “I’m going to look over there. That fallen tree looks promising.”
“Alright.”
Her steps were high as she pushed aside vines and other plants. I took a moment to just admire her as she moved with intent. She bent in half, getting a closer look at something right up next to the rotting wood.
Her hand shot out. “Here!”
I moved as quickly as I dared over the uneven ground, already digging around for the bags and leather gloves I’d brought.
Just as she’d described, the bride’s bane had starlike purple flowers clustered all around and down the stalk.
They were open and deceptively pretty, all the way down to the flexible little leaves.
Phin accepted the gloves and retrieved as much of the herb as she could, filling up the small canvas bag.
“Excellent eye,” I said. “Do you want to see if we can find the other?”
“Yes. Both would be better, I think.”
I just bobbed my head and followed her, looking for tiny white flowers but not overly confident I had a clue what I was doing.
Phin started a course a little bit higher up and then walked horizontally, kicking over stones and moving tangled nests of vines with the toe of her boot.
Just about the time I was ready to suggest we move on, that we could try another door, she yelped again and repeated her harvesting ritual with the other plant.
“This place was perfect,” she enthused, carefully removing her gloves and placing them in the satchel.
“It was the most likely candidate. I think Rylan’s garden would do well here, also. And there’s nobody it could harm here.” She looked pleased at that.
We made our way down the hill, stopping to catch our breath near the lake.
It was cool in the shade next to the water, the brackish smell a fair trade for a reprieve from the brutal sun and heat. I took the bag off and offered her the bottle of water. She sipped, expression peaceful as she blotted away the moisture from her face.
I’d looked away, gazing into the distance when Phin’s harsh grunt had me spinning around. She was doubled over, fresh dots of sweat lining her brow.
“Phin?” Fear clawed coldly through my veins as she slowly sank to her knees, body curled in half.
She groaned, hands pressing against her abdomen. “No, no. It’s so soon!” she cried out and her eyes filled with tears. Everything in me screamed to help her.
“Just tell me what you need, Feather, I’ll do it.”
She grimaced and trembled, unable to speak.
Her breath shuddered, and she moaned out, the sound of her agony cutting into my thoughts like a blade.
She looked terrified. After several long minutes, she sobbed and breathed shallowly, the worst of the pain seeming to have passed for the moment. “I … need … you.”
I battled with myself as I sat on the damp undergrowth and pulled her across my lap. I cupped her face with my hand. “Not like this, Feather. This is not how we confirm our bond after what I just put you through.”
“Why are you arguing with me again?” she asked through gritted teeth, though I could see the flash of humor as her mouth twitched at the corner. “I thought we settled this. If you don’t want me, just say so.” She laughed, but it was cut off by another surge of pain.
My demon roared, and I could feel my teeth lengthening despite her levity.
“Never doubt that I want you, Phin. I told you before, I was haunted by you from the very first moment I saw your eyes through that window. I endured all that time knowing you are my mate and allowing the bond to burn me from the inside out. But this is not how I want to revisit intimacy between us. Didn’t we agree on slow? This is the opposite of that.”
“Doing nothing means pain.” She panted as another terrible spasm gripped her.
“I don’t know that I’ll be okay if I have to go through that again.
” Her words landed like daggers, and I clutched her to my body.
“I am myself enough to decide, Tap. I know what I want. I choose you. I would always have chosen you.”
I clenched my jaw, the words a knife straight to my heart.
“Then we set our own terms. We’re going to get you home, to a place where you can be safe and comfortable.
Alright?” I cupped her face, blood on fire at the prospect of everything I had never dared to dream of being held between my hands.
“Once you’re past this part of the cycle, you have a rest period, right? ”
She nodded. “Yes. At least a few weeks.” She sobbed again. I hated every bit of this.
“Good. We’ll send these to Greta so she can start working on what you need to keep this from happening again. Then we do what it takes to get you through this, the way you want to. Okay?”
“Yes.”
“Can you walk?” She started to nod and got halfway up but couldn’t completely unfold without pain. I put the satchel back over my shoulder and scooped her into my arms, all but jogging back to the doorway and leaping through the portal that would take us to the crossroads.